Oh, Fine, You're Right. I'm Passive-Aggressive.

NY Times ^ | November 16, 2004 | BENEDICT CAREY

[stands2reason]

He forgot the one I like best. When you know someone is mad at you and you ask straight out "Are you mad at me"? or "What's wrong?" and they reply "Oh, nothing" and do that silent treatment BS. That one always gets me mad. Usually I will tell people if you have a problem with me you need to address it directly because this behavior will get you nowhere. I am not telepathic. I don't understand what is so darn hard about just saying what is going on. It's like they have a mind set that says "If you REALLY loved me you would read my mind and know what my every emotion is 24-7"

And then one day out of the blue, they blow up --- "You never blah-blah-blah" or "You always blah-blah-blah" and that will be the first time you've heard said complaint.

It's also known as the "Martyr Syndrome."

[Knitebane]

Yep, a textbook case.

[connectthedots]

It's like they have a mind set that says "If you REALLY loved me you would read my mind and know what my every emotion is 24-7"

And it's really hard when they don't even know what they are thinking or want.

[neverdem]

Dime-store psychology by the New York Times is every bit as useful as their political analysis.

"After some debate, the American Psychiatric Association dropped the behavior pattern from the list of personality disorders in its most recent diagnostic manual - the DSM IV - as too narrow to be a full-blown diagnosis, and not well enough supported by scientific evidence to meet increasingly rigorous standards of definition."

That's the reason that I posted this. The elimination of passive - aggressive personality disorder from DSM-IV. Not being a shrink, that's news to me.

FReepmail me if you want on or off my health and science ping list.

[nothingnew]

Shut up and get my dinner.

FMCDH(BITS)

[nothingnew]

Later, when she asked if I wanted to go to the ballet, I finally learned to tell her that I wished she and her whole family would die.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!...Oh you dirty summna!!...hahahahaha!!!...I'm chokin' here!!....BWAHAHAHHA!

FMCDH(BITS)

[foolscap]

It's also known as the "Martyr Syndrome."

That's true. I work for a gal who has that down to a science. She constantly complains about how her adult grandchildren just show up for breakfast, lunch and dinner and expects her to feed them. And believe me they are there every meal because I see them. She has one grandson who is 28 who she has to call every morning to make sure he is out of bed on time to get to work. She goes on and on about the work and the cost but never does anything to stop it. She has another employee she allows to use her personal credit card to pay off his phone bill when it gets too high. He can't get credit (I wonder why) I figure she must get off on all this in some weird way so she gets little sympathy from me. Of course I don't say that. She is always asking if there is anything she can do for me but I know better than to fall into that trap. I would just be one more person trying to suck her dry. Strangely enough that sort of drives her nuts because I come in, do my job and leave. All I want is my pay. I think she is disappointed on some ways because she can't get a "hook" in. It is one of the oddest things I have ever witnessed.

[MaeWest]

The elimination of passive - aggressive personality disorder from DSM-IV

Sounds like a classic case of passive aggression by the American Psychiatric Association.

[Cogadh na Sith]

I eventually learned that trying to get him to change

Ah, I think I see the problem....

[AuntB]

bump for a later read.

[slcbillygirl]

I have started a Support Group for individuals that choose to stay in a Passive Aggressive Relationship. Please swing by and join us.

http://www.care2.com/c2c/group/pa_relationship

[Jason_b]

The exact situation you describe was covered in Deborah Tannen's book, "You just don't understand." Women talk in code. Women make the mistake of assuming men will understand their code. Men make the mistake of assuming women don't use code when they speak.

[Jason_b]

It is all about power. People don't even realize how power hungry they are. The martyr, the nagger, the passive aggressive, what have you, all do these thing to protect some little zone of power they believe they have. They might have more power if they'd adopt other ways, but the ability to project guilt on other is a type of power most can't give up.

[TChris]

Later, when she asked if I wanted to go to the ballet, I finally learned to tell her that I wished she and her whole family would die.

ROFLOL!