Lets laugh for Rodney, He did well.
1. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met!
2. If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all.
3. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
4. A girl phoned me the other day and said .... "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
5. I drink too much. Last time I gave a urine sample there was an olive in it.
6. With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
7. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
8. I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
9. I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
10. I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
11. My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
12. My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
13. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
14. My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.
My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.