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Received this from a friend this morning:

New definition of a liberal... A liberal is some one who believes that every word in "Farenheit 9/11" is true and every word in "Unfit To Command" is false!

In order to be a liberal,

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.

2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.

3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat, than US nuclear weapons technology, in the hands of Islamic Fascists.

4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.

5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the Earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.

6. You have to believe that natural gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.

7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.

8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.

9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of major cities do.

10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.

11. You have to believe the military and conservative politicians, not insane theocratic terrorists start wars.

12. You have to believe the Gun lobby is bad, because it supports certain parts of the charter, while the Gay lobby is good, because it supports certain parts of the charter that don't exist.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.

14. You have to believe that Margaret Trudeau and Margaret Atwood are more important to Canadian History history than Sir John A MacDonald, Robert Baldwin or A.G. Bell.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.

16. You have to believe that Sunera Thobani is really a lady.

17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar, jewelry thief and sexual deviant does not.

19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites and bestiality should be charter protected and manger scenes on lawns at Christmas should be illegal.

20. You have to believe that illegal Liberal and NDP Party funding by criminal activity is somehow acceptable but corporate doners should be banned from political parties.