I read a while ago -- I don't think I can find the link but it was a true story -- that someone did his tour in Afghanistan and Iraq, then came home and died in a car accident.
Also remind your wife that the 3000 killed on 9-11-01 were killed in NY and Washington DC.
Also, far more people died in traffic accidents in the US, than the number of soldier died in Iraq during the same time.
"U.S. highway deaths down in 2003 to 42,643"
http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/08/10/autos.deaths.reut/
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The point is that while it's understandable, that your wife wants to protect her son, but keeping him from going to Iraq doesn't necessarily mean he will be safer, or conversely, in a way, while there is a lot of propaganda, he is actually relatively safe in Iraq. The actual death rate is remarkably small.
And that is what her son chose for himself.
Just imagine, if we pulled out our soldiers from Iraq, which would allow terrorists to take over, than they would come here and kill many thousands of us with WMD RIGHT HERE, and it could be you, me, her, her son, anybody.
FEAR is not the answer. Doing the right thing and having faith IS.
Paul Harvey stated last week that there were 5,500 people killed on the job last year...How does that relate to a war!