Breaking news: It has been reported that CBS anchorman Dan Rather died today. He is reported to have choked to death. The local coroner had this to say after performing the autopsy: "I've never seen anything quite like it. When we opened him up, we found the entire Bush family stuck firmly in his craw. They'd obviously been there for years, but it finally killed him. And when we examined his colon, imagine how surprised we were to find a 'Buckhead' brand boot buried there. It has some strange inscription. 'FR' or something. We're still struggling to figure out what that means."