[quantim]

Kerry Vows to Restore 'Trust, Credibility'

BOSTON (AP) - Soldier, father and man of values - John Kerry sought to define himself Thursday night to an American public still unfamiliar with the Democrat determined to replace President Bush. Kerry accepted his party's nomination in the embrace of an adoring hometown crowd, an affectionate introduction by his two daughters and a loyal lineup of fellow Vietnam veterans. He waded across the convention floor through more than 4,000 delegates who waved flags and signs. They roared their approval when he snapped a crisp salute.

[Petronski]

"That figure behind me is a scale projection of all my promises, and this little old bit here--look at my fingers--represents the promises I can afford to keep on current revenue. I was in Vietnam, though, and I'm six-foot-four."

[twgiles]

Jerry Stiller's prostate just ruptured in mid-sentence, rendering him incoherent.