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Bob Swerski: Hello, my friends, and welcome to another edition of "Bill Swerski's SuperFreeperfans". I'm Bob Swerski, and I want to thank everyone for sending those cards to my brother Bill, who recently had another heart attack. We are coming to you live from Ditka's, here on election night, after doing our part for democracy, and also to praise that team having kicked the 49er's out of office last weekend by a score of 91-9, a team that is known as Da Bears!

SuperFreeperfans: [ beer mugs raised ] Da Bears!

Bob Swerski: With me as always are the SuperFreeperfans. Gentlemen, how was your week? Any heart attacks?

Carl Wollarksi: I had one.

Todd O'Conner: Had a couple.

Bob Swerski: Alright. That's too bad.

Todd O'Conner: Thanks, Bob. Ya know, believe it or not Bob, according to the odds-makers, San Fransisco is favored to win the Super Bowl.

Bob Swerski: San Fransisco huh? Well, you know who's gonna be happy about that then. Da Democrat queers!

SuperFreeperfans: Da queers!

Bob Swerski: Alright. Now, as you can tell, we're celebrating Ditka's impending election to Cangress here at Ditka's cause...it's appropriate.

Pat Arnold: Absolutely!

Bob Swerski: We're getting ready to watch Ditka annihilate Osama, Subama, whataver. And it's important to remember that there are other elections out there, for example, dis guy Kerry. He's terrible!

Pat Arnold: With a really bad haircut.

Carl Wollarski: It really makes you want to shed da tears.

SuperFreeperfans: [ beer mugs raised ] Da tears!

Bob Swerski: Alright. Now, gentlemen, if you'll indulge me a bit, I've got some family here, myself. Like Ditka, she's a winner - the current Miss Southside of Chicago, my daughter, Denise Swerski.

Denise Swerski: [ walks out with a plate of food ] Hey, what's up! Hey, Dad! Brought you this all-American apple pie from home!

Bob Swerski: Thank you, darling.

Denise Swerski: Just a few more minutes before Ditka starts kicking some ass, huh?

Bob Swerski: Some girl, huh, guys?

Carl Wollarski: The girl's got spunk.

Pat Arnold: You know, she's got a real Mrs. Senator Ditka quality.

Carl Wollarski: Hey, Denise.. [ stands ] Look at this! [ pulls up his shirt ] Rush Street, after the Niner's game. I was kicked by a cop's horse, trying to pin a Ditka fer Senate button on him.

Todd O'Conner: Oh, yeah..? [ stands ] Check out this! [ pulls up shirt ] four years ago, Miami-Dade City-County Building, after the Bears humbled da Dolphins 110-2. I threw myself in the doorway of a meeting room so the dirty Dems couldn't steal the vote for Gore.

Denise Swerski: Now, that's.. my kinda guy..

Todd O'Conner: Maybe you'd like to come here and back that up!

Bob Swerski: Hey, hey, hey, Todd.. easy, pal.. come on, that's my daughter, huh?! Hey! Don't make me go over there and inflict some damage Ditka-style! Alright, enough. We're all very fortune to live in the world's greatest democracy, and that's the real message of this election season. So let's all join in the Election night prayer.

SuperFreeperfans: [ beer mugs raised ] Da prayer!

Bob Swerski: We thank Ditka, and God, for all they have provided, for the food we eat, the air we breathe, and for the electoral domination enjoyed by a certain coach, from a certain town...

Todd O'Conner: Hey, hey, Fox is getting ready to report turnout.

Bob Swerski: Alright, alright, we'll get back to that later. Okay, by my watch, we're about five minutes from da polls closin. Now, let go around the room for some predictions. Pat?

Pat Arnold: Ditka, 68 to 46.

Bill Swerski: Okay. Pat. It don't add up, but okay. Todd?

Todd O'Conner: Ditka. 100-zip.

Bill Swerski: Oh, really? You don't think that Obama will get a single vote?

Todd O'Conner: No, I do not! Ditka's campaign is like a wall. You can't go through it!

Bill Swerski: Alright. How about you, Carl?

Carl Wollarski: I say Ditka, 52 to 48.

Pat Arnold: Oh, what?! Come on!

Carl Wollarski: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I gotta give Obama's supporters credit - I think they'll steal enough votes to give Ditka a game!

Bill Swerski: Alright, leave him alone, that's his prerogative! Okay, gentlemen, another scenario: Da Pubbies, they don't make it to the polls.. and the only one who shows up is Ditka. Ditka versus all the Democrats. Okay, what is da result, gentlemen.

Pat Arnold: Alright, I gotta say Ditka 84, Obama 16. Ditka just barely gets by.

Bill Swerski: Alright, that sounds exciting. Perhaps, you know, a late Ditka groundswell.

Carl Wollarski: Yea, just Ditka? I say he wins by 800,000 votes.

Bill Swerski: There ya go. Well, here's Fox calling the election with da exit polling, and it's Ditka. Ditka, Ditka, Ditka. Say hello to Senator Ditka!

SuperFreeperfans: [ beer mugs raised ] Senator Ditka!