A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.
I don't think who pays for the date is important. As a matter of fact, in my dating years, if I asked a woman out, I expected to pay, but if she had asked me out, I expected her to foot the tab.
A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
I open doors for everyone.
A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.
Is there another option? Since I don't know how to summon the tire fairy, dealing with it always seemed like my only option.
A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
Obviously written by someone with contempt for urbanites
A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
Wow, I didn't know I compromised my manhood when I quit smoking 18 months ago. If I'd have only known it was more manly to cough and wheeze.
A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)
Let's see...Hair products: Razor. Skin products: Soap. Finally, I'm fitting in.
A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
Never even heard of the store.
A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.
More rantings from a rural dweller who looks down on urbanites.
A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title. Example..."***** Eye for the Straight Guy" The censor took care of this 'un...
Ah, come on. It's a funny show.
A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
Hey, it's free furniture.
A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.
Short of a sex-change, how do you give up manliness?
A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
The bit about the sports team would be somewhat humorous if it wasn't so damned true. I know some "real" men who actually care about these things.
A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
Nope, none.
A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.
I had to look this up. The only knot I know is the Pratt knot.
A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
Gang bangers everywhere breathed a sigh of relief.
A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.
Tools are fascinating. I can take a v-twin apart and put it back together again. Carpentry skills totally elude me. I have none. I suspect it's another urban divide.
A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.
Being armed beats being dead.
Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.
Again, the bit about the sports franchise would be amusing if it were just a joke.
When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
I offer my seat to older women too.
A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner
There is a correct way to say the pledge? I must have been absent the day they taught emphasis.
A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i. e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.
I don't think I have any hobbies that mystify my wife, or mystified my mother. Then again, I don't find it unmanly to be married, so go figure.
A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.
Ok, I'm now suspecting that the author not only lives in a small town, but a small town in the North. I do know how to drive in the snow, I spent my first 30 years in Colorado. It has nothing to with manliness however. Teenage girls in Colorado drive better in the snow than the manliest of Carolinians. It's not a gender thing.
A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darn well wanted it to land.
One word: Hah!
Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
Agree with the elderly man, disagree with the serviceman. When I was in the service, I damn skippy would have refused to take an older person's seat.
A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
Wheeeee! Another moment of unbridled agreement!
A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !
Agree again.