I (along with most of the men here) am Retrosexual and proud of it.

Woody's Taxidermy ^ | 4-11-04 | Cutbait Robin

[Engine82]

I've had ENOUGH!! OK, I have had it. I've taken all I can stand and I can't stand no more. Every time my TV is on, all that can be seen is effeminate men prancing about, redecorating houses and talking about foreign concepts like "style" and "feng shui." Heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, transsexual, metrosexual, non-sexual; blue, green, and purple-sexual - bogus definitions have taken over the urban and suburban world!

Real men of the world, stand up, scratch your butt, belch, and yell "ENOUGH!" I hereby announce the start of a new offensive in the culture Wars, the Retrosexual movement.

The Code :

A Retrosexual man, no matter what the women insists, PAYS FOR THE DATE.

A Retrosexual man opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.

A Retrosexual DEALS with IT, be it a flat tire, break-in into your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.

A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an endcap (possibly 2 endcaps if you include shaving goods.)

A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.

A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the "Dealing with IT" portion of The Code.

A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "*****" in the title. Example..."***** Eye for the Straight Guy" The censor took care of this 'un...

A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.

A Retrosexual should not give up excessive amounts of manliness for women. Some is inevitable, but major reinvention of yourself will only lead to you becoming a froo-froo little puss, and in the long run, she ain't worth it.

A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak treechipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.

A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.

A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie -- and ONLY a Windsor knot.

A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.

A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail, or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can -- or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you be.

A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that your are riddled with fear, guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just plain fun to shoot.

Crying. There are very few reason that a Retrosexual may cry, and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is cussing or throwing the remote control. Some reasons a Retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.

When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, heck, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.

A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner

A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness, in that they offset the acceptable manliness decline he suffers when married/engaged or in a serious healthy relationship - i. e., hunting, boxing, shot putting, shooting, cigars, car maintenance.

A Retrosexual man can drive in snow (heck, a blizzard) without sliding all over or driving under 20mph, without anxiety, and without high-centering his ride in a snow bank.

A Retrosexual man can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Wherever it lands is where he darn well wanted it to land.

A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except 2nd Lt's) NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retrosexual man will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.

A Retrosexual man doesn't need a contract -- a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.

A Retrosexual man doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT !

Pass it on...............

[Eaker]

No one is compelled to hunt unless rather hungry but I can recall how on Friday late afternoons and Sunday evenings, the interstates in Texas would be full of hunter's pickups during deer season(mid 70s to mid 80s)....especially between Dallas and Waco and Austin and San Antonio.

Is it still like that?

Yes it is.

Humblegunner and I pack his 4x4 with plywood, 2x4's, all sorts of industrial power tools and a chainsaw so we could drive 7 hours to build his father "the Coronal" a new deer stand. We got in about 4 hours of work Saturday before a huge storm hit. So we will load up next month and do it again.

Both ways there were deer stands being transported and tons of trucks loaded with tools.

Nothing has changed!!!!

[IDontLikeToPayTaxes]

Want to know why men become "metrosexual"? One word: poontang. If I think that using "product" in my hair every day will get me more tail, you better damn well believe I'm going to do it!

bump

[Eaker]

Well said.

[IDontLikeToPayTaxes]

It's an unfortunate truth of human nature. I wish it weren't true because I don't really like behaving that way, but the fact is that if you treat a woman too nicely and respectfully she will either view you with contempt or instantly move you forever to the "just a friend" category.

Holy cow! I said the exact same thing in one of my posts before I even read yours!

[IDontLikeToPayTaxes]

You're wrong! Red Dawn definitely made me weep. Especially the part where they're looking at the names inscribed at Patriot Rock (sniff, sniff). Some John Wayne movies give me a sniffle mostly the Cavalry movies. I guess I tear up when I see noblility, bravery and honor. These are thing that are sadly lacking in todays society. You get more emotional the older you get I guess.

I always get misty eyed at the end of Rudy when the team carries him off the field.

[humblegunner]

Nothing has changed!!!!

Except maybe after seeing all those nice rigs on the road I have a case of "Polaris Envy"!

Thanks for your help, brother!

All things considered, I find it much better to know
how to take meat from the land than not to.

[petercooper]

perfect!

[Skywalk]

I realize much of the thread is in good fun, but I don't think many here realize that by these retrosexual standards that our Founders would be considered "metros."

Do you think men of intellect and refinement(as many of them were) can not be real men? Sure, they hunted but that was a different time. I eat red meat, but I don't hunt.

Many of those men wore POWDERED WIGS for godssakes. They cared very much about style and class and culture.

To me, one can be refined and educated AND noble and manly. What is it with modern American culture that equates pickup trucks and plaid shirts to being a man? James Madison and others would not fit this bill and would consider the lot of "retrosexuals' uncouth. :)

[IDontLikeToPayTaxes]

I realize much of the thread is in good fun, but I don't think many here realize that by these retrosexual standards that our Founders would be considered "metros."

Do you think men of intellect and refinement(as many of them were) can not be real men? Sure, they hunted but that was a different time. I eat red meat, but I don't hunt.

Many of those men wore POWDERED WIGS for godssakes. They cared very much about style and class and culture.

To me, one can be refined and educated AND noble and manly. What is it with modern American culture that equates pickup trucks and plaid shirts to being a man? James Madison and others would not fit this bill and would consider the lot of "retrosexuals' uncouth. :)

Well said.

[Mr. Jeeves]

Where were you guys last night when I was battling the Freeper Feminist Hit Squad all by myself on this thread? lol.

They called me every name in the book. Amazing.

I was watching the Monsters, Inc. DVD...LOL!

I don't really bother replying to name-calling posts, I just state my opinions. Some people aren't going to like them - too bad.

[IDontLikeToPayTaxes]

Thanks for the advice. I think I'm going to start ignoring them.

[Hat-Trick]

OK, I'm onboard with all this, and would consider myself a "retro-sexual" male as defined - AS LONG AS - playing golf is allowed and part of the equation.

[B4Ranch]

A man who is fond of a good Stetson and has a favorite bolo tie has no need to ever tie a Four-in-Hand knot around his own neck.

Once in a great long while collar tips might even be in order. Of course if you're going to that much fussin' then she'll expect a haircut too.

Being the lucky fella with ladies that I am, I don't fight too hard when the Mrs. ask for it all at one time.

[TOUGH STOUGH]

I love it, particularly code #'s 1,2 and 19.

[TOUGH STOUGH]

"As a Retrowoman, I applaud Retromen, and loathe sissy-men. A word of warning though...don't become a neandrothal while the pendulum is swinging. Try to hit middle-ground please."

Wiser words were never spoken. The most manly men are those who are very masculine and also gentlemen. The achievement of both is possible.

[TexasCowboy]

"A man who is fond of a good Stetson and has a favorite bolo tie has no need to ever tie a Four-in-Hand knot around his own neck."

Since ties were originally intended to wipe the mouth while eating, and since I can usually keep most of the food in my mouth, I've never seen much point in a traditional tie.

Now, Western string ties are pretty handy if you're castrating boar hogs and you lose your tie string.
Beats the heck out of holding that one in your mouth while you fish for the other one!

I think women like men who like themselves and have confidence in themselves to handle just about anything that comes down the pike.

[B4Ranch]

I may have just figured out what the problem is. You are very familiar with women and can handle any of them. Now that may be something to be proud of where you're from, I haven't the slighest idea.

I'm married to a lady, my two daughters are ladies and their grandmothers are ladies. Yup, they're all of the female breed capable of giving birth to infants but to define them as just "women" would be a serious insult.


These are the sort of ladies who will stand to the doorside when they are being escorted by a man so he can open the door easily for them. Good manners isn't a oddity to them. Nor is hard work. They all have spent long days helping with the Spring round up.

I use to chuckle when one of the cowboys would slip and start cussin at a calf that was giving him trouble. My wife has this glare that will make the hair on your neck stand up if you cuss around her daughters. A cowboy only needed to see it once and the apologies would sprout loud and clear.

I think you need to learn the difference between a woman and a lady. It's as clear as night and day. Good luck

[Pan_Yans Wife]

ping

[TOUGH STOUGH]

"Most of this essay could have been written by Gloria Steinem."

You've got to be kidding. Years ago, before the feminists and Gloria Steinem, (like in my father's generation), the rules you mentioned were the ones most men followed. It was considered gentlemanly. And most men were gentlemen.

Well, Gloria and the feminazi's changed those things. One of the many reasons feminism, all things considered, was and is not a plus for women in the long run.

[ArrogantBustard]

Fascinating. I've never really thought about the origin of the "barber pole" ... just know from dreadful experience that a "salon" is guaranteed to screw it up. A "shop" is pretty reliable.