Forget Mars, Just Open the Refrigerator (Dave Barry)

Miami Herald ^ | Mar. 14, 2004 | Dave Barry

[doingtherightthing]

``Dang! I could really chow down on some old string beans!''

C'mon admit it, who hasn't said this to themselves from time to time?

[doingtherightthing]

Oh yeah, thanks for the post nuconvert. Too funny!

[Pan_Yans Wife]

Excellent. I read the original article, but Barry's humor always brings out salient points. :)

[bonfire]

"Is it meat or is it cake?" George Carlin on leftovers waaaaay in the back of the fridge.

[GeronL]

Since I don't buy the newspaper anymore, I rely on FR for my humor. I am one sick puppy.

Anyway, with the internet around I have no need to buy oil-stained slices of tree.

[edayna]

But I digress. My point -- and I know this because I'm using powerful point-detection software -- is that people have...

We could all use this wonderful invention, point-detection software. Where do I buy it? Is anyone going to tell Kerry about this?

[Pan_Yans Wife]

Being frugal and discriminating in your reading selections are admirable traits.

(I read the original article on FR, too!)

[NonValueAdded]

DB stepped over the line with his wood chipper comment. Dave, this actually happened to people. I love reading your columns and will continue to do so. However, I'm hoping that in retrospect you wish you left that analogy out. It IS a bad world out there and there ARE monsters in the closet and under the bed.

[noutopia]

Can my two X wives go there also?

[noutopia]

Sorry wrong post. Wow

[DannyTN]

I wonder what the ratio of points to posts would be on the average thread? What does the software do when there is no point?

[GeronL]

I guess calling newspapers oil-stained slices of trees isn't as funny as I thought.

[Pan_Yans Wife]

I GOT it. :)

[GeronL]

Hey, I remember reading an article about a guy in.. Kansas City? St. Louis? Who has tons of patents and is making money off them... he has developed a computer program that invents things!

[GeronL]

well, thanks.

[southernnorthcarolina]

PRACTICAL HOMEMAKER TIP -- Always keep an open box of baking soda in your refrigerator. That way, when people come to your house to visit, you can say: "Would you care for some cold baking soda?"

I've long felt this was one of the most brilliant marketing strategies of all time. People don't bake "from scratch" much anymore, so the folks at Arm and Hammer had to find a way to get people to buy more of their product.

The solution: convince people that keeping keeping an open box of the stuff in the fridge "absorbs odors." Of course, the Arm and Hammer people recommended that you open a new box once a month, and dump the old one down the drain "to keep it smelling fresh" too.

And people bought into it. People actually purchased the stuff for the express purpose of throwing it away. Sheer genius by the marketing department!

[NaughtiusMaximus]

"Oil stained slices of tree" means newspapers? I thought you were talking about something way back in your refrigerator. I have something back there that might be oil stained slices of tree but I'm a little nervous about asking it for news. As a matter of fact, I think my best move might be to just unplug the refrigerator and push it out into the street on garbage pickup day.

[Phil V.]

Microscopic 3-D image from "berrybowl" . . . approx 1.2" sq . . .

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[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!