Joe... Maybe it's not in my nature..
Maybe you just haven't found something you TRUST to surrender to. I had to unload a religious childhood and look to nature before I found my Higher Power. I found soul affirming evidence of "God" uncorrupted by man everywhere there.
So it was easy to admit then that there was "something greater than myself" that I was in awe of... and that I had no need to be "willful" about... and voila... I surrendered.
I too was brought up from my middle school years in a household strong on religion. I went through a very strong Agnostic phase. Then went through a divorce I didn't want. I turned to faith for restoration. Didn't get it, but also didn't give up. I've since remarried, and the new wife is a strong believer, but not a ram it down your throat type. We have long discussions on her faith and how to improve mine. But when I ask her how she knows what she is doing is right or how she takes direction from God, she draws a blank. That troubles me.
She is a huge fan of a lady by the name of Joyce Meyer. Joyce has a message of positive results if you ask for it to happen. The genetleman I was watching the other evening was Creflo Dollar. He message is very similar. He said you have to be in a position to receive the blessings and gifts of God. My question is how do you get there? I know it's sounds rambling, but it is so difficult to explain.