Lazamataz... Could be we're both floating down that river in Egypt. I'm prepared to take my lumps if that's the case. I'll richly deserve it for being so cocky. ; )
But actually.. I don't believe that will be the case. You see... I have an eating disorder as well.. and I began attending a step program for that. And low and behold... one can't abstain from eating now can they?? ; )
At some point then ...I realized I'd been just as obsessed with NOT drinking and doing drugs and although my life was better being clean.. I still was not at peace. I was still mean... uncaring... and at odds with the world around me.
Then one night... I heard an AA/NA oldtimer describe his life at that point as happy, joyous and free. I could see it in him and I wanted it. So, I went up to him and asked him how. He said, in general.. stop struggling. Find a Higher Power and surrender to it. When you do... a wonderful thing called intuition will occur. Listen to it . And if your smart... you'll try to never lose it. Some pretty incredible people in the program.
So.. that's what I focused on. Because it felt right to my addict as well. And I guess that's how we came to terms with each other.
I think all humans have the power to be at peace. But.. like a soul mate of mine says.. All suffering is a result of desire. and we all certainly want things our own way.
Then one night... I heard an AA/NA oldtimer describe his life at that point as happy, joyous and free. I could see it in him and I wanted it. So, I went up to him and asked him how. He said, in general.. stop struggling. Find a Higher Power and surrender to it. When you do... a wonderful thing called intuition will occur. Listen to it . And if your smart... you'll try to never lose it. Some pretty incredible people in the program. I have done my best to find the way to surrender. Maybe it's not in my nature.
I remember the joke about the guy in the flood who's praying God will save him. A helicopter hovers overhead and drops a rope. The man waves them off saying he's praying for God to save him. When he is finally swept away and comes to meet God he asks God why He let him down. God responds,"Who do you think sent the helicopter".
My question is how do you surrender when there somemany things that look like helicopters when in fact they aren't. How do you know when to let God come in and totally surrender and when to, like the drowning man, reach for something. Not all those life savers are from God.
I watched a tv show last night when the preacher kept saying that in order to receive God's gifts we must be in a spirit of receipt. He never said how to get there or what it is you must do.
I struggle with this. I talk about it with my wife. She can't explain it.