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On december 7 1999, I entered the hospital - preliminary tests showed pneumonia (they were wrong) ... that was the last time I was concious until New Years Eve ... not counting the in/out of a coma mental confusion.

During that short period I underwent about 13 operations and on Christams eve my primary surgeon even told my wife that she needed to call all my sisters quickly. One of the surgeons, had even refused to operate once telling my wife that I was lost and to start making preparations.

To shorten this tale - I was a Marine for 12 years and an outdoorsman all my life - used to physical activity and enjoying my God given strength. Up until that day in December.

My last operation was in April 2001, almost a year and a half later, mostly bedridden and hardly able to walk, the surgeons had me put back together - though my body looked like frankenstein after 100's of staples everywhere (They estimated I had somewhere around 500 staples all together on the outside - I have quite a few more on the inside holding me together).

Throughout this entire episode - I guarantee I had bouts of severe depression (even yesterday) because of my body's limitations now - even mental limitations result of a stroke I had during one operation. The worst part about the mental limitations - I know I have them.

BUT ... I have NEVER considered suicide - at times I wish I didn't survive what happened - but I am happy I did - getting to see both my sons married - one granddaughter and another on the way - I wish I could travel more, but I have to accept that.

The main cause of my depression these days is realizing that I am witnessing the probable FALL of the American Civilization due to the erosion of decency, manners, intelligence, morals, and all that is usually attributed to Goodness. Even here on FR, judging by the comments of people on many subjects, the acceptance of immorality is on the rise.