Dear XXXX Laundry Detergent People, I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. In fact, about seven months ago I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. My wife started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing lead to another and I ended up with a lot of her blood on my white shirt as well. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't work. I went to the store and got a bottle of liquid XXXX with bleach alternative and all of the stains came out! They came out so well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative! I thank you, once again, for a great product. Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people. Sincerely, Scott Peterson P.S. If you are a pretty lady, I am single, please submit photo.