Online Infidelity: Is It Really Cheating?

Local6 ^ | 11/11/03

[Tumbleweed_Connection]

It's a problem that can take its toll on married life and when left unchecked can sometimes lead to divorce. Television station KNBC looked into the growing phenomenon of online infidelity -- married people creating intimate relations through cyberspace. But is it really cheating?

"There is great debate whether this is infidelity or not," said Dr. Beatriz Mileham, who conducted an in-depth study of married people who go online in search of a romantic connection.

"It gives people license to be sexual with strangers while still maintaining their vows, at least they think they are maintaining their marital vows," said Mileham.

You can find all kinds of people at any time of the day logged into "married and flirting" chatrooms, he said.

"Right now there's 1,006 people, 11:30 in the morning," said Mileham.

Most people use screen names in order to remain anonymous. But some also post pictures, including photos taken with their kids.

"The No. 1 justification is that 'I'm not touching anyone,'" said Mileham.

No contact, no foul. Right? Or is it cheating? (Discuss This Issue)

"You're opening up a can of worms to bringing destruction to your marriage," one person told the station.

"I consider it slightly cheating, so to speak," said another person.

Still another person said, "I think it's a form of cheating. It's an invitation for something disastrous to happen to your relationship."

Some experts say if you can't tell your partner about it, it's cheating. Mileham says her study found 30 percent ended up in a real-world affair with their online partners.

"It can break marriages, actually. I found a source that said one-third of divorce litigation is due to online affairs. It starts as innocently, as, 'How are you?' and escalates from there," said Mileham.

According to a recent study conducted by the Sexual Recovery Institute in Los Angeles, 52 percent of online sex addicts had decreased interest in sex with a spouse or partner. Mileham showed the station it doesn't take long to find a partner and for the conversation to quickly turn sexual. Within minutes, anyone who is bored with their marriage -- or just curious -- can find themselves intimately involved with a complete stranger.

One man, who is currently involved in several virtual affairs with married women, didn't want to appear on camera because he was concerned his real life girlfriend would see the story. He said he simply fills "an emotional deficit" in women's marriages and that their husbands have no idea he exists -- but that's what Mileham says is the problem.

When these online relationships are discovered by an unknowing partner, they often feel very betrayed -- even if the contact is restricted to the computer only. Mileham says that's because the person involved is still channeling sexual energy and emotional energy and is flirting and creating a little bit of an emotional bond that people feel should be reserved for them.

[Publius6961]

Yeah, great excuse.

Methinks thou protesteth too loudly.

Did I hit a nerve?
As for an "excuse", I did not intend nor suggest anything was an excuse. You did.

Do you need an explanation between an observation and an excuse?
I will be happy to provide you with one. Using small words.

[dead]

(not cheating, mmmmm...)

[TheRightGuy]

Online Infidelity: Is It Really Cheating?

It all depends on whether or not you can scrape DNA evidence off your keyboard and monitor.

[wimpycat]

It's easy to avoid temptation on the internet. Just imagine any man you talk to really looks like this:

You men can find a female equivalent, I'm sure.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

Those aren't yodels - they're hohos.

My daughers mysteriously find those wrappers in my car and report me to She Who Must Be Obeyed on a routine basis, and my nickname around the house is "hoho man".

[StolarStorm]

I'll let you in on a little secret. Many if not most of your husbands "erections" are a result of his thinking about other woman. Flame away if you like, but I speak truth. Others here speak what they WISH were true, but not what is. Some of the worst "fornicators" I know ACT like the most holier than thou types. Hypocrites and liars.

[Rebelbase]

"Whats a yodel?"

It's a yankee Little Debbie.

[Chancellor Palpatine]

Actually, its safe to assume that every woman that you talk to on the internet looks like that, too.

[hellinahandcart]

Ah, they're more like HoHos.

I'm not that familiar with the Drakes line of machined snacks.

[Hatteras]

You see? That's why men are men. I don't care what set off my wife, if it causes her to come take a ride on Space Mountain... Wooooooooo, then I'm all for it!

[exile]

I wish I knew how to post pictures, because this one is just screaming Helen Thomas.

[dead]

My daughers mysteriously find those wrappers in my car and report me to She Who Must Be Obeyed on a routine basis, and my nickname around the house is "hoho man".

That’s why I toss the wrappers out the car window.

Littering is not cheating.

[Iowa Granny]

, its really cheating. If you are in a committed relationship or marriage, its depriving the person you are with of the loyalty, attention, and love they rightfully deserve.

According to your definition, many workaholics are just as guilty as those who seek personal closeness from the internet.

[WKB]

Otherwise the joy of pleasing the other is roobed and it is cheating.



What if you are alone but thinking about your wife?

[Zavien Doombringer]

A non-verbal reply?

I believe I mentioned that one's head was too big? To which posting are you refering to?

[Chancellor Palpatine]

And now that I think about it, assume that every "bi curious college coed" that posers talk to looks just like your guy in the pic. Heheh.

[You Dirty Rats]

"Never, I mean never, will you find me in the house of a woman without thier husband home."

-- I take it you aren't a plumber, cable guy, or door-to-door salesman:

"Sooooooooooo ... How much software do you want to buy?"

"None. My husband brings home more software than I care to see. If you're pushing hardware, THAT I could use!!"

[eniapmot]

It is cheating yourself.

[wimpycat]

img src="url of picture">

Put a < to the left of the img. I left it off my example, to avoid a red X showing up.

[Zavien Doombringer]

Still, you are robbing the experience...

Go ahead and say, "Honey, you weren't here to satisfy me, so I took the liberty of masturbating, but don't cry, I was thinking about you."