Lawyers find new target: The Big Mac

Detroit Free Press ^ | 07/28/02 | MITCH ALBOM

[per loin]

Does this mean that during the trial the court cannot feed the jury with fast food brought in from McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's and Kentucky Fried Chicken?

[jumpstartme]

Last night I watched the Dennis Miller Live HBO show. He did a great and hilarious rant on this subject. I was hoping it was up on his web site but it isn't yet. But, here's another that hits close to the mark. Enjoy.


Individual Responsibility
7/12/02

"Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but we have become a culture of buck-passers, Winona-riding across ethical boundaries with impunity and then blaming everyone but ourselves when we get caught. These days there are more people pointing fingers than a Superman sighting over Beijing.

We're so used to people denying their guilt, that when we hear somebody actually take responsibility for their actions, we get that confused look on our face people always have when their cat starts dry humping a Great Dane.

They say it takes a big person to admit when he's wrong. Which explains why jockeys are such bastards.

One Hollywood executive now blames the gay Mafia and the New York Times for ruining his career. The Gay Mafia and the New York Times don't run Hollywood. It's a group of Lancaster County, PA, Amish farmers who get their messages from the alien crops circles. Why do you think X-Files got canceled? They were getting too close to the truth, man.

The guys from WorldCom and Arthur Anderson get to stand before Congress with caviar eating grins and take the Fifth instead of admitting they fucked up and ruined thousands of people's lives. If they're losing any sleep over it, they're doing it on three hundred thread-count Frette sheets. Meanwhile the hard working every man has to sit and watch his retirement money go down the drain. I just hope every time these Worldcom execs dine in a four star restaurant with their exorbitant bonuses they think about the chef in the kitchen who lost half his 401K plan as they bite into what they think is foie gras.

The reason I find this all so infuriating is because I have always taken pride in being able to say, "Hey I'm sorry. My personal assistant screwed up."

What lifts my ass off the can is when people who have smoked for fifty years are amazed when they get lung cancer. Last week I read about someone who smoked eight packs of cigarettes a day for sixty years and then decided to sue the tobacco companies because one day he was coughing up radial snow tires. A jury awarded him 200 million dollars, and I suddenly realized that this is the only country in the world where you can make a fortune if you're just willing to dedicate your entire life to do everything completely wrong.

Next step, fat America will start blaming restaurants for being open.These are the people who drink a carry-out tray of three-thousand-calorie iced mocha cinnamon coconut coffee frappe drinks with a softball sized hunk of whipped cream on top and refuse to believe this sugary-mega- lactose bomb could have anything to do with them splitting their Banana Republic Capri pants bending over to pick up their copy of Shape Magazine. It's only a matter of time before some 800 pound greasy urn out there decides to sue McDonald's because his heart sounds like a one legged clogger. I'm pretty sure the only reason it hasn't already happened is because our courts don't have a drive thru window yet.

In the Catholic priest sex scandal, almost as shocking as the acts themselves was the way the local dioceses refused to take responsibility for their clergymen, instead shuffling them more frantically than a croupier with obsessive compulsive disorder.

I have no patience for the idea that society forces us into our misdeeds. For every person with a bad childhood who becomes a serial killer, there are a thousand who learn from that experience to be better parents to their own kids. For every guy from a poor neighborhood who grows up into a criminal, there are a thousand who work hard and build a decent life for themselves. For every misguided soul raised in a permissive hippie atmosphere who turns into a John Walker Lindh, there are a thousand more who become the gentle stoner cashiers trying to push the new Phil Lesh solo album on you at Tower Records.

And parents, you need to stop blaming the schools. The teacher needs your help, because you raised a little monster who couldn't be more spoiled if he was an unrefrigerated crab meat po' boy.

This week Michael Jackson blamed the fact that his last album sold only two million copies on "racism." Is there anything more inspiring than seeing the cause of black oppression being taken up so unselfishly by a white man? Come on. Between skin bleach, hair relaxer and that scale-model Barbie nose, it seems to me that the only person who obviously has a problem with Michael Jackson's race, is Michael Jackson. You and your brothers were a cute kid band 30 years ago but we've moved on, okay? Nothing personal. You had your day, but it's over. Happens to everybody. You don't hear Neil Sedaka bitching. Come to think of it, you don't hear me bitching. So put the mike down, stop grabbing whatever is in your crotch these days, and try updating your music with the same frequency that you do your own mug. I guess what I'm saying is, at least in Michael Jackson's case, allegations of racism should be taken at face value.

Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong."

[MarineDad]

"No problem - we've already alerted Boise about the fries, and we're trying to contact Atlanta right now, so are you two absolutely SURE about those Cokes? The Dr. Pepper folks assured us the convoy left Waco on-time this morning..."

[Greeklawyer]

I wonder in which court they are suing and if comparative negligence rules apply. In other words even if the plaintiff is 90% responsible, the plaintiff will try and collect the 10% of the claim.

Do not confuse this case with the mislabeling of beef fat in french fry oil, that was a different issue. This is a deep pocket nusance suit.

What would happen if McDonals agreed to pay for a fat farm for this plaintiff? would they accept it?
I wonder if the lawyers past cases are admissible? (I know insurance is not) As a shareholder I would be "annoyed" at any company capitulation.


(sarcasm on)
What next? Let's sue amusement parks for making me so happy that when I returned home I was sad. Excessive happiness sindrome. (sarcasm off)

[Greeklawyer]

This is a move to make strict liability rules to apply to ALL products (including firearms) This is taking cause and effect beyond any 1st year lawschool tort class. No matter what you make if someone somewhere misuses your product you are liable. (knives, cars, forks, box cutters, airplanes, paper cuts, music, marriage licenses, wrongful birth, casino's, bicycles)

How far back does one take the claim. Does the statute of limitations apply to each individual burger?

Who said: A liberal is someone who stays awake at night worrying that somewhere, someplace, someone is happy.

[ijcr]

Pluuzzee! It is no different than the tobacco suits. Using exactly the same techniques, rhetoric and misdirection.

First create an evildoer.

Secondly create victims!

Thirdly extol the virtues of the cause.

Fourthly attack the impotence of government to deal with the crisis.

Finally sue in State courts.

It will not be long before McDonalds will be found using sugar in their burgers.We are all aware that sugar is the most addictive substance known to man.

The auto industry is safe for a few years but, Beer, Wine, Spirits ,Clubs and Bars are next.

Thank you anti- smokers, you have sown the wind.

[Reeses]

Thank you anti- smokers, you have sown the wind.

Smokers have sown the wind with too many ashes and cigarette butts. I've had smoke blown in my face one too many times. I'm 99% against high taxes, but those dirty nicotine drug addicts have me voting against them every time. I'm not happy about the lawyers getting rich off them but cigarette smokers are a real pet peeve of mine. I have no sympathy for their behavior.

[Thumper1960]

Who do I sue because my pale skin deprives me of rhythm and soul?

[Looking4Truth]

They're going to love you around here, get your teflon suit on.

For instance:

cigarette smokers are a real pet peeve of mine

Perhaps you need to get a life rather than trying to control someone else's.

I've had smoke blown in my face one too many times.

Do you jog in traffic?

I have no sympathy for their behavior.

This smoker doesn't want anyone's sympathy. I make my own choices about what I ingest in my body and I do not force my choices on another in any way, shape or form including 'blowing smoke' in someone's face.

Your results may vary.

[Sweet_Sunflower29]

Because fast food is not addictive, nor has it been formulated to increase any addictive qualities...

Another case of 'I have no self control, and now face the consequences, but it's someone elses' fault'

All while having his bank account number handy, no doubt.

[ijcr]

Once you have decided for other Americans how they should spend their money, how they should behave in private, and in public. That their freedom of choice is morally inferior to yours and that you will take any authoritarian action that you deem neccessary to impose your lifestyle upon others.

Please do not be offended if the others are disgusted with burger wrappers littering this pristine nation. Of fat bloated unsophisticates wallowing in tallow and grease at fast food establishments.

Perhaps you agree that the consumption of alcohol and it's attendant costs in lives and family disruption,needs to be addressed.

How about those big trucks and mini-vans gulping gasoline like out of control burger addicts. How many lives could we save by preventing the American people from purchasing such iron clad monsters.

How about cell phones, air conditioners,houses with more than 2 rooms, surely you would not condemn those that seek to improve the longevity of the American nation because the people do not know what is good for them.

This is the future, and it began with self righteous folks like your self. We can do no more than stand back and salute you for your proud and noble concern for the rest of us. I lift my digit in respect.

[Sweet_Sunflower29]

it's the unnatural high carb diet introduced within the last 100 years that our bodies are not engineered for..

Hmm...when one begins to balloon up and developes numerous medical problems related to said ballooning resulting from bad decisions made pretty much serves as a sign of this...

Duh. What an idiotic remark that is.

Hey, I have an idea...Sue his medical doctor for not warning him enough.

[Sweet_Sunflower29]

Hirsch says his clients eat fast food "four or five times a week, for meals."

I have never in my life met anyone who does this.

[jumpstartme]

It will not be long before McDonald's is found with sugar in their burgers.

McDonalds will weather this storm fine. They do business under very strange market conditions around the globe, including selling "burgers" with no beef in India. They're some kind of lamb burger. No lie.

American version: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions,on a sesame seed bun.

India's version: Maharaja Mac "two all lamb patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun." Holy cow, batman!

[Grit]

Or even better, it gets to a jury, as the tobacco industry lawsuits did, and look out, the floodgates open.

But there was a big difference with cigarettes. They contain an addictive drug, nicotine, that the industry lied about for decades. It truly is hard to quit smoking once you're addicted, and the tobacco business made a fortune on that fact.

It is not hard to put down a cheeseburger. But it is apparently too hard to walk away from behavior that should be embarrassing in and of itself: blaming everyone else for your problems.

The fast-food lawsuits are different than the tobacco lawsuits because...

[Great Dane]

Therefore, this whole case has no precidence, merit, and should be thrown out before it starts.

Keep in mind, the governments need new sources of taxation, they have just about squeezed every penny they could out of the smokers and tobacco producers.

[Great Dane]

Few believed me.

Smokers did, 'BIG tobacco' was just a test run.

[Great Dane]

#22...... Great read, and right on the mark.

[Great Dane]

I have no sympathy for their behavior.

I've got news for you, I have no need for your sympathy.

[jumpstartme]

His rants are great. I didn't care for DM on MNF, but as a comic he's a stitch.

In case you aren't aware, he's on Friday nights on HBO, 11:30pm ET. I try to catch him when I can. There's also a list of his rants on the HBO web site. He's got one on Civil Liberties that is also very good. Another called "Fast Food Nation", which he did prior to this travesty of personal responsibilty (victimhood).