The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in school was my blood alcohol content.
I live in my own little world, but it's ok... they know me here.
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said..............."Implants?'"
"I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast."
"I got a sweater for Christmas... I wanted a screamer or a moaner."
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now...THAT'S a message!!
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
"Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."
Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by just one busted condom?
"How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?"
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary's. But if it deals you a truckload of hand grenades...now...THAT'S a message!!Message or calling <BG>?
"Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."True, true.
"Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive."