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A young boy of four was going into the hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate, "I'll be gone for awhile. I have to have surgery."

On the day he was admitted, his mother asked, "Doctor, could you please circumcise him while he is asleep."

The doctor agreed. The boy woke up and was very sore "down there" for several days.

After about a week he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he was also going to have to have his tonsils out soon. He asked his friend to tell him about the surgery.

The little boy replied, "All I can tell you is that your tonsils ain't where you think they are."

A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him he'd left the light on in the garden shed, she could see it from the bedroom window. But he said that he hadn't been in the shed that day. He looked himself, and there were people in the shed, stealing things.

He rang the police, but they told him that no-one was in his area, so no-one was available to catch the thieves. He said, "OK," hung up, counted to 30 and rang the police again.

"Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed? Well, you don't have to worry about them now, I've just shot them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to this man: "I thought you said you'd shot them!"

He replied: "I thought you said there was no-one available!"