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To: Selara
My original question on the whole thing, was how could a lifestyle that parents felt compelled to hide or conceal from their children, be defensible?

Quite frankly the fact you ask this question makes me think you are one of two things, 1) a person who has never had children or 2) very foolish.

I know of no adult who does not do things they keep concealed from their children, not because they believe what they are doing to be wrong, but because they are ADULT and as adult activities are not meant for children's consumption. It does not mean that they believe what they are doing is wrong or immoral, but that it is not appropriate for children. My wife and I don't bare our sex life to our children, nor would we, and I would not expect most others to. I don't tell my children about the times I have gotten toasted on rare occassions either.

You believe that an adult lives should be open books for children? If you believe this and raise your kids this way I would be tempted to classify yourself as a bad parent. Adults engage in adult activities, adult activities are just that ADULT in nature, they are not for children's consumption. My job as a parent, (hell anyones job as a parent) is to raise their children up to be productive and proper adult human beings. To achieve that goal we protect and educate them on the world as they are able to accept it. You think that these parents are bad parents because they engage in an adult activity they would not openly discuss with a 7,5 and 2 year old (if I remember the kids ages correctly)? Personally I would question any parents who discussed intimate sexual details of their lives with children of this age, regardless of how wild or mild that sex life may be.

Do you discuss your intimate sex life with your children? I doubt you do, so why would you expect others to do so?

767 posted on 02/13/2002 6:25:26 AM PST by HamiltonJay
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To: HamiltonJay
BUMP!!!

Well said.

783 posted on 02/13/2002 1:35:50 PM PST by Luis Gonzalez
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To: HamiltonJay
Selara : My original question on the whole thing, was how could a lifestyle that parents felt compelled to hide or conceal from their children, be defensible?

HamiltonJay : Quite frankly the fact you ask this question makes me think you are one of two things, 1) a person who has never had children or 2) very foolish.

You went on to state that a parent who gives their children intimate details of their sex life, would not be a good parent, and I agree with that.

The keyword in my posts has been lifestyle. Lifestyle means the typical way of life for an individual, couple or family. For instance, when a medical professional, who resides in Chicago, spends a week camping in Alaska, without electricity, phone, etc...it would still be said that his lifestyle is probably urban professional. The week of roughing it in the wilderness was an event, but it was not TYPICAL of his way of life.

A single woman, lives in a crack house in New Orleans, along with her two small children. The lifestyle of this family unity will be much different from the lifestyle of the married, non drug using, monogamous couple with two children, who live but a few blocks away from the crack house.

The lifestyle of swinging, by it's very definition, involves a revolving door of various persons, entering the lives of the couple, and possibly the family, who have sexual appetites differing from the average person. This is a different lifestly from a couple who commits to a monogamous marriage. Can you see that?

Children do not need to be told the details of anyone's sexual life, to see and experience the fruits of a chosen lifestyle. The child living in the crack house does not need to be told the details of drug use, to experience the results of that lifestyle.

There are a variety of reasons why swinging parents attempt to hide this lifestyle from their children, they know it is extremely difficult to instill values of commitment, loyalty, faithfulness when they live the opposite. It is fairly well known and established that children who are aware of multiple sexual partners with parents, often experience emotional problems, as well as feelings of betrayal and anger. Children do not like to be very different from their peers. If they wish their children to be involved in a religion, this lifestyle is in opposition to most religions

There are a multitude of reasonings, but the bottom line is that swingers DO attempt to hide their lifestyle from their children. Monogamous couples do NOT attempt to hide their lifestyle from their children.

Incidentially, I have children, and I am not foolish. My children have no desire to hear the details of sexual intimacy with my husband, but they do experience a security from observing our obvious affection and love for one another. They have no fear that any arguement may lead to one of us leaving, because they know..they know..we are faithful to each other.

I hope that I have shown that events may come and go, but a lifestyle is a way of life...the typical and usual way of life.

In this particular case, the lifestyle of letting comparative strangers, who are intoxicated and have heightened sexual appetites, while the parents are intoxicated, into one's home with sleeping children could have contributed to this tragedy.

786 posted on 02/13/2002 3:11:51 PM PST by Selara
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