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It's Great to be a Man!
Internet ^

Posted on 02/08/2002 11:16:42 AM PST by Cagey

It's Great To Be A Man

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be president.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.

Same work... more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch or fart is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"

One mood, ALL the darn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

You can kill your own food.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking "He must be mad at me."

You don't mooch off other's desserts.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You don't have to shave below your neck.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
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To: Cagey
The remote control is yours.

You know all the buttons by feel.

You have a primary, secondary and tertiary channel to go to during commmercials.

Programming the VCR is genetic.

Maps are unnecessary.

We get to drive the car--period.

Underwear has two sides.

There is no such thing as control top pantyhose for men.


GRRRRRRRollin' GO USA!

141 posted on 02/08/2002 2:17:34 PM PST by GRRRRR
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To: Billthedrill
ROFL! Most guys would rather just buy and install a new one.
142 posted on 02/08/2002 2:19:09 PM PST by terilyn
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To: tacticalogic
He who stops it up gets to unstop it. If the plunger fits...
143 posted on 02/08/2002 2:21:09 PM PST by terilyn
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To: terilyn
No, we're talking tools and buckets stopped up, not plunger stopped up.
144 posted on 02/08/2002 2:25:46 PM PST by tacticalogic
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To: Ward Smythe
You know....I knew a man who did in fact become a woman. When I asked him if he felt he did the right thing he/she said: "Would'nt trade it for anything in the whole world."
145 posted on 02/08/2002 2:33:21 PM PST by tellertime
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To: tacticalogic
Yuck! I hope you can blame it on tree roots and not really bad "plumbing". ;^)
146 posted on 02/08/2002 2:33:43 PM PST by terilyn
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To: terilyn
Believe it or not, the truck that came to pump out the septic tank had run over the line and collapsed it between the house and the tank.
147 posted on 02/08/2002 2:44:36 PM PST by tacticalogic
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To: Tennessee_Bob
The veiled threats started on this thread several posts back.

Yikes. Where did you see any veiled threats?

148 posted on 02/08/2002 3:24:43 PM PST by riley1992
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To: Rebelbase
And you, shush, and pass me a beer.
149 posted on 02/08/2002 3:26:24 PM PST by riley1992
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To: riley1992
Oddly enough, they invoked your name.
150 posted on 02/08/2002 3:32:43 PM PST by Tennessee_Bob
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To: Tennessee_Bob
Wow, you have virtually no sense of humor, do you? If I knew that was a joke, why didn't you?
151 posted on 02/08/2002 3:34:38 PM PST by riley1992
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To: Cagey
It's Better to be a Woman!

In two words: multiple orgasm.

152 posted on 02/08/2002 3:35:23 PM PST by Trust but Verify
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To: riley1992
Kind of offensensitive, aren't you??
153 posted on 02/08/2002 3:35:32 PM PST by Tennessee_Bob
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To: Tennessee_Bob
ding ding ding!! We have a winner.

Hey BTW...ever go for some Lynchburg lemonade? been to Tullahoma pressure test cell?

154 posted on 02/08/2002 3:36:01 PM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: Tennessee_Bob
I do believe you just coined a new word. And, nope, I'm not. I took everything here going back and forth as the jokes they were intended to be. You are the one who was seeing man-hating women peeking out from beneath your bed. But, that's okay. Have a beer and all will be right with your world in no time at all!
155 posted on 02/08/2002 3:39:09 PM PST by riley1992
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To: RedBloodedAmerican
I don't drink.

Are you talking about AAFS? Yes.

156 posted on 02/08/2002 3:39:44 PM PST by Tennessee_Bob
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To: Tennessee_Bob
Dangit...hit the tab key too many times. Been to Arnold a few times...don't know if they still have the chicken cannon there. What's really neat...you can still see the swastikas on some of the equipment...it's under several coats of paint...but it's like some sort of corruption, it still shows through.
157 posted on 02/08/2002 3:41:23 PM PST by Tennessee_Bob
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To: Trust but Verify
multiple orgasm.

You may be on to something there, but try saying "multiple orgasm" five times fast.

158 posted on 02/08/2002 3:42:12 PM PST by Cagey
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To: riley1992
Man-hating or man-eating? There is a difference, you know? And what if that man is on LDS? Can he still solicit recreational activities door to door?
159 posted on 02/08/2002 3:43:07 PM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: riley1992
Nope, it's old. Borrowed it from Berke Breathed. His was "offensensitivity," but it didn't quite fit.

Keep the beer. My world is fine.

160 posted on 02/08/2002 3:43:25 PM PST by Tennessee_Bob
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