[nightstarpm]

I believe in what Jesus said, in fact I feel my personal relationship with Jesus is in prime shape. My concern is, at the time He was around, my understanding is they were speaking arameic (sp). I wonder who made the decisions to pick a translation for words that the meaning is no longer known. I spent 26 years trying to deny who I am, to live up to what was told to me. After years of sleepless nights and talks with God, I think He has shown me I am ok. Instead of lying, and cheating in my head on my partner, I am being true to myself and others. I live by the same codes, not sleeping around, adultry, etc. But for the first time, I actually feel good about myself and others. The Church did not do this, or even help. They simply said, that is wrong - you are bad. We will judge and discriminate against you. My personal reliance and conversation with God did help. I try to show others to Jesus - even suggest they seek the churches that judged me, I have a single relationship at a time, I talk to Jesus all the time asking for help and support. Although many christians I know can say the same, many cannot. I feel you can live in the Spirit in a life long relationship with another of God's children, any one of them.

[Quix]

I personally don't think it flies to twist Scripture to support a behavior clearly not the way things were designed by the Designer.

By the same token, believers of all kinds have addictions of all kinds that don't just go away with prayer--even years of prayer and earnest effort. Does the food-aholic or the ragaholic or the chronically arrogant or power hungry or money addicted have grounds to look down on homosexuals? I don't think so.

I have compassion for you--enormous compassion for you. I can easily understand the tornness and the compelling pressures to seek at least some semblence of peace in the conclusions you've reached. I don't believe they are lastingly supportable based on The Scripture.

And I can certainly understand that total abstinance and isolation from folk who communicate warmth and understanding would be a very, very hard cross to bear. I don't think most believers understand the difficulties of such a cross when they presume to be so righteous as to throw rocks.

Alas, many of us have hard crosses to bear. Many with your particular cross are enormously creative, artistic, etc. It seems to me that God has presented blessings and challenges to all of us. Are they equal? I don't know. But HE IS exceedingly fair. Somehow when all is said and done--from His perspective--and even from my 55 year perspective--he is truly fair. Life may not be fair. But God is.

In any case--this is one believer who would be free and glad to give you a warm hug and wish you well and growth in your relationship with God. I will leave to God His assessment of how you juggle your various serious flaws with His demands on your life. I do encourage you to listen keenly to Him. . . and not some sanitized, self-pleasing, maybe neutered version of him conujured up as an escape hatch to great pain.

In my experience the only valid, durable, lasting escape hatch to great pain is the Blood of Jesus and His arms. Even if I fall 7 X 70 in a day, His Blood and His arms are still Supreme. By the way, I hope you are familiar with Dennis Jernigan's music. His song about wanting God the Father to "just hold me." is priceless. You are better equiped than most believing men to have a great and deep understanding of God's Love as you listen to that song.

Blessings, Dad Bo in Taipei