Posted on 01/29/2002 10:45:19 AM PST by scouse
Telepathic Football Threatens Chilean Teens
VILLA SAN RAFAEL, Chile (Wireless Flash) -- Forget Bigfoot or the Mothman. The newest paranormal creature is a four-legged football.
Believe it or not, a creature matching that exact description has been sighted threatening teenagers in Villa San Rafael, Chile.
Researchers at the Calama UFO Center in Chile claim the mysterious menace has wings, a face like a large bulldog and is "shaped like a rugby football with legs."
Paranormal researcher Dr. Virgilio Sanchez-Ocejo isn't sure if the creature is one of those goat-sucking chupacabras, but admits both animals telepathically communicate with humans.
The winged football is just one of hundreds of strange creatures that have been terrorizing Chile since 1999 and Dr. Sanchez-Ocejo suspects the mysterious beings are entering Chile through a dimensional doorway.
Chinese pointing dolls are in the female image Okim my dear – of course as the winner of our contest you already knew that. But you were also a victim of palo's avarice, she would sell her own grandmother. Palo sold you without my knowledge before I had a chance to really get to know you. I swear I never saw a doubloon or piece of eight from the whole transaction. She claims that she was abducted by aliens, who took her money before they let her go.
So now you know the true story - your fine looking pirate is completely innocent.
you want me to attract better class of wimmin to our thread
No dear Palo my enthusiastic sidekick – you are to attract the male, those with Y chromosome, to our thread so our deprived women folk would have a better choice than the slim pickings they now enjoy.
Think about it my dear fortune telling friend… habs, westy, lodwick and Fred – not a selection that would whet the appetite of the lusty wenches pining to be ………. How can they fall in love?
Check out the Dark Lord of Kentothe he may fit the bill.
Hi grlfrnd – yes it seems that way but FR has been down for a couple of hours, when poeople know it is back up we may get more posters.
I hope my countryman treats you well. I used to live in the suburbs of London – it was known as Hampstead Garden Suburb – it was built in the 1930's as an experiment for letting people of all income groups live together, from millionaires mansions and ambassadors residences to all the way down to regular folk with not one house the same.
For it's time is was a bold experiment and it worked.
I am sorry to tell you this Okim but if you did hire Palo as your PR person all your relations and any correspondence you have would most certainly made public at warp speed.
I would reconsider this rash caprice if I were you.
I hope you didn't see the lovely picture of your ...um... assistant making her getaway on the speedy pontoon boat.
Oh, perceptive one, I know. She herself has warned me of the same thing. I knew she was finding any believable excuse so as not to have to leave you. But never in all of my life has any one person said such flattering things about me, and I fell for her fancy talk. So I shall bid her bon voyage whenever you set sail.
You idea of picking up andysmom has some merit, but you implication that we should actually pay anything for her is a rather novel idea. I have never heard of pirates actually purchasing their captives. Having learnt a little of the wench whereof you speak, I am of a mind to ask andyspop if it would be worth his while to contribute a little towards her upkeep.
She claims to be a great gardener, a fine cook, a snappy dresser, a decent drinker. Gardeners may be in great demand in the world at large but not aboard this vessel. We could use a cook of the frugal sort you understand, but we much prefer our wenches to be snappy undressers. Gran is quite capable of taking care of the drinking.
And I do believe 'andyspop' will contribute to my upkeep aboard ship...I cost him too much as it is here at home, he will be more than glad to pay to have me hauled away....
He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful,"explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel, it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
He said............................. "Where'd you get the sh!tty haircut?"
At first glance you appear to have the qualification for the job. As the cook on the pirate ship – your main duty would be to guard the stores and keep my thieving crew away from the consumables except for the appointed times. And make sure we have special diets for the wenches that will keep them trim and eager. Regarding the latter we have little something that I picked up in the Yoshiwara that will keep our little pigeons in prime condition for their vocation.
One other thing I do not intend to let the scum before the mast eat our profits – so there are special victuals for the Captain's table and you will serve the swill to the crew. I will of course expect that you will steal you share – to make up for your lack of remuneration.
There is one more thing before you make your mark upon my manifest. Your Captain has a duty to check your suitability for this important position, the lives of my crew may depend on you. Let me ponder that awhile…. I will send Gran to purchase her dependables during the first dog watch. Yes I have it ….. report to your Captain's cabin at four of the clock, that I may check your willingness and talents for the job..... Snappy undresser.…..you say. I had better lay out my chronometer.
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