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I think who files isn't necessarily the one who broke the marriage. Sometimes in cases of adultery the cheating partner would stay married ---have their cake and eat it too. It might be the innocent noncheating spouse who files but the vows were not broken by that spouse.

Maybe instead of letting judges and lawyers decide everything, all couples should make some kind of prenuptial agreement on how they want things to be if the marriage doesn't survive. That way if a man wants a non-career wife, there could be some kind of protection for her if he changes his mind later. If the couple both keeps a career, they would obviously decide differently how to divide the assets and provide for the kids.

I think I have a balanced view because I've seen horror stories on both sides---often with relatives. Like the guy whose wife found someone else and wanted to leave him but take his kids and money to a woman whose husband wanted to leave her with nothing and keep it all for himself and his new-found lover. He figured the wife could have nothing and since she had no job skills or job, he'd keep the kids and house and told her she could go live with her mother. She did get a job but it's not easy just starting out when you haven't had to work in 20 years.

Like the guy whose wife found someone else and wanted to leave him but take his kids and money to a woman whose husband wanted to leave her with nothing and keep it all for himself and his new-found lover. He figured the wife could have nothing and since she had no job skills or job, he'd keep the kids and house and told her she could go live with her mother. She did get a job but it's not easy just starting out when you haven't had to work in 20 years.

I have a friend who was in a situation like that... she had a small medical transcription business. When hubby wanted to dump her for his girlfriend, he not only got the house, the kids, and the dog, but he sold her business equipment out from under her... so that she, in effect, could not earn a living, although she had worked all through their marriage, and got no alimony from him when it was over. She did want to support herself, but he deliberately made it harder for her to do so. People "fugue over" each other all the time. It isn't the exclusive province of one sex or the other.

I agree with pretty much what both of u have said..... and i think u both have it pretty much right....... but i see one thing as being wrong, or at least questionable.... I think people should look less to the courts to fix the problem..... how about looking at ways of preventing the problem ( i guess the prenup does that, but it still requires all that legal crap, and a willing spouse)..... it seems to me that its more of a societal issue (people don't take marriage too seriously) that a legal issue....

ahhhh hell...... its all pot luck really...... like my father always said.... "getting married is like gambling, u can maximise your probability for success but its still a gamble.... it can go either way"

I know what you mean about seeing both sides. I've seen it too. Your idea probably is a good one, however, that would not have covered couples like my husband and I who didn't realize the value of a stay at home parent until AFTER we had children. How would you cover for couples like us, who like many other couples, change thier priorities and goals as thier life circumstances change?