MEN -- ACCORDING TO WOMEN (Hilarious)

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[MeneMeneTekelUpharsin]

Men – According to Women

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW ....WHO UNDERSTANDS MEN?

Men are like a fine wine.

They all start out like grapes, and it's a womans job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.

[Dan from Michigan]

"The best men are either gay, married, or broke."

I'm one of the three.. BROKE.

[SCalGal]

There are many, many worse things than broke. At least, when you meet someone, you know she's not after your wealth, LOL.

[Orion78]

Hehehe, too funny about the desk. Your right though, gotta have fun with that kind of stuff. Most women are very reasonable about these kinds of things. It did take about 6 months before I became comfortable enough talking to the women I worked with though. It was just a matter of staying away from the ones that would actually get you fired if you complimented their garb. (Which was also listed as sexual harassment in the store policy)

[Capriole]

IMHO, in too many cases the women start out thinking the men are going to change, and the men start out thinking the women aren't going to change, and they both end up disappointed.

I can't say I disagree with you. But this is part of what I mean about communication. When men and women really learn to understand each other, they'll have more realistic assumptions about what things are supposed to be like. Women have to learn that men aren't going to change and that they aren't little home-improvement projects the women can work on. Men have to learn that the view they sometimes have of the girlfriend isn't entirely realistic, and that time and children are going to make some changes in her.

I heartily recommend that men who want to have better relations with women go to any bookstore whose corporate policies don't offend their politics ;-) and look in the self-help section. There will be scores or hundreds of books written by women for women. Reading these is like eavesdropping on a conversation in the ladies' room: you'll get all sorts of insights about what women think and feel and want. Almost as good as having Mel Gibson's trick of being able to hear women's unedited thoughts!

Also, the Mars and Venus books are wonderful for both sexes to help them learn about each other and how to talk. The insights they offer are amazing. Those books sure helped me get along better with people of both sexes, and I now find I have no problems understanding men and getting along with them (all other things being equal,of course).

If any gentleman Freepers have suggestions about books they think women should read to understand them better, it would be helpful to have the titles posted.

[Dan from Michigan]

But she doesn't know I'm broke...not to mention that I'm in politics. I'm going in with two hands behind my back here.

[kinganamort]

i heard this on 970wfla the other day.

[SCalGal]

There's always something! It's like Peggy Noonan said in that article... "everyone's shot".

[Vicki]

There's safety in numbers.

[China Bull]

I am 50 years old and work with a 25 year old. He was complaining about his girlfriend. He said that God must hate men because God invented [the female sex organ] and then attached it to the meanest animal on the face of the planet. I am also married. At the few parties we attend -- I hate parties -- I often find myself surrounded by younger, usually single, women. One time I asked them why they were conversing with me, a bald and, relatively speaking, old guy. Three of the five said they knew I was faithfully married and therefore "safe", i.e., they were having fun and knew I wasn't going to make a pass at them. The other two were married and said -- I swear this on a stack of bibles -- they were curious about a man that doesn't even think about running around on his wife. (I am well known in our circle of friends for my fidelity. I broke a guy's nose over the issue several years ago.)

[Orion78]

The Art of Loving
By Erich Fromm

"THE READING of this book would be a disappointing experience for anyone who expects easy instruction in the art of loving. This book, on the contrary, wants to show that love is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone, regardless of the level of maturity reached by him. It wants to convince the reader that all his attempts for love are bound to fail, unless he tries most actively to develop his total personality, so as to achieve a productive orientation; that satisfaction in individual love cannot be attained without the capacity to love one's neighbour, without true humility, courage, faith and discipline. In a culture in which these qualities are rare, the attainment of the capacity to love must remain a rare achievement. Or - anyone can ask himself how many truly loving persons he has known."

[poindexter]

OK, I'm still waiting for the hilarious part.

[OregonRancher]

Quote: "What's mine is mine, What's yours in mine, and what's ours is mine." care to quess which gender said this????

[Dan from Michigan]

My eyes work in my favor(from what I'm told).

[clamper1797]

I used to be married ........

[Neets]

Please remove me from your "ping" list.

Just who do you think you are Cagey? If I take you off my list then you don't get any more animal pings.

MEOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[Brad’s Gramma]

but you gotta love women for their ability to drive us crazy

SO! IT'S WORKING?????????????? (snert, snert)

[Brad’s Gramma]

Definition of the word Father: A guy who carries pictures in his wallet where his money use to be.

Now, THAT'S nice. And you know, way deep down inside even the hardest of hard women, I'll betcha that's what they yearn for.

[klee]

And you know, way deep down inside even the hardest of hard women, I'll betcha that's what they yearn for.

I second that!

[China Bull]

I heartily recommend that men who want to have better relations with women go to any bookstore whose corporate policies don't offend their politics ;-) and look in the self-help section...

Why go to all that trouble? How about just common respect? And common sense? I dated a lot before I got married and I swear I never had any of the problems I keep hearing about.

After 20 years of marriage my wife and I have never, I repeat never, had any arguments concerning the marriage. (The two arguments I remember concerned a restaurant we used to own.) I recognise her strengths and she recognises mine and between the two of us we whip the world on a daily basis.

There is one universal rule about the difference between men and women other than the obvious and that is that the two sexes think differently. Men's thought process isn't better or women's worse, the processes are just different. Both arrive at A + B = C but on different routes.

[longleaf]

There have been studies done about this in anthropological journals, I think. You may think you want a "nice guy," but subconsciously you would eventually view him as weak. This is what the "Alpha male" phenomenon is all about. Alpha males are not nice guys. And they don't finish last. When they're finished, they'll let you know, and it won't matter whether you're finished or not. Forgive my sexual innuendo. I couldn't resist.

A lot of times they don't stick around either, but it's women who are bailing on relationships as much or more than men these days.

I had roommates in college who saw themselves anyhow as Alphas. They left a "trail of tears" behind them from the women they used. I suppose these young coeds thought it ("giving it up" so to speak) was the right thing to do at the time. But it wasn't in terms of the long haul. It was their choice to make (i.e., no X42-style rape involved) and they chose wrongly.

I would not be able to live that way as I believe there is a Judgment Day coming after I die.