Posted on 12/26/2001 6:38:29 AM PST by dighton
MOSCOW - A growing number of Americans are cutting their chores down to size by ordering mail-order midgets from overseas to help around the house!
The sawed-off servants, who hail mostly from the former Soviet Union, do countless little tasks that ordinary people can't do themselves, such as:
• Crawl under beds, desks and sofas to chase down dust bunnies.Not only that, in keeping with a fad that was thought to have peaked in the mid-1980s, some people are taking their midgets to bars, taverns and bowling alleys . . . and competing with other midget owners to see who can toss them the farthest!• Squirm through chimneys to clean them top to bottom.
• Scale tall bookshelves to give books near the ceiling a proper dusting.
• Scour large cooking pots - from the inside.
• Dress up as teddy bears and dolls to entertain their employers' kids.
• Wade into toilet bowls, in child-size fishermen's waders, to scrub them thoroughly.
• Shoo pet dogs out of rooms where they don't belong by riding away on their backs.
But mostly, the hardworking half-pints make live-in help affordable for middle-class Americans.
"Dwarfs don't take up as much space as full-size domestics - a broom closet makes a perfectly acceptable bedroom and they can often take baths in an extra sink," says Anika Bersing, director of one of the largest mail-order midget service, Little Helpers.
"Since they're small, they eat only a fraction of what you or I would. And, of course, the countries they come from are so impoverished, they'll happily work for peanuts."
Little Helpers has helped 11,451 people order midgets from abroad in the past year.
"Clients get loyal servants and the midgets get a job," she says.
"Everybody wins."
The overwhelming majority of Americans who've sent away for midgets are satisfied.
"Our little Nikita is darling - I don't know how we managed before we got him," says a Minneapolis woman who sent away for a mail-order midget from the Ukraine.
"And our children simply adore Nikita. They love to pick him up and play catch."
But not everyone is happy about the parade of pipsqueaks flooding the job market.
"The government should not allow all these foreign midgets to come over," rails a union organizer. "Not when there are so many American midgets who are out of work."
Copyright © 2000-2001 American Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Daschle now has a chance to pursue a second career. Maybe he could work for Hillary .... oh wait, he already does.
Whatever happened to "midget bowling"?
(I.e., using midgets as bowling balls, aas protrayed on an episode of "L.A. Law")?
I guess in this case they really are taking jobs Americans don't want. ;-)
Are these tall guys not getting enough fresh air up there?
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