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Harry Potter Books Spark Rise In Satanism Among Children
The Onion ^

Posted on 11/13/2001 5:02:16 AM PST by Brookhaven

     Ashley Daniels is as close as you can get to your typical 9-year-old American girl. A third-grader at Lock Haven Elementary School, she loves rollerblading, her pet hamsters Benny and Oreo, Britney Spears, and, of course, Harry Potter. Having breezed through the most recent Potter opus in just four days, Ashley is among the millions of children who have made Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire the fastest-selling book in publishing history.

     And, like many of her school friends, Ashley was captivated enough by the strange occult doings at the Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft And Wizardry to pursue the Left-Hand Path, determined to become as adept at the black arts as Harry and his pals.

     "I used to believe in what they taught us at Sunday School," said Ashley, conjuring up an ancient spell to summon Cerebus, the three-headed hound of hell. "But the Harry Potter books showed me that magic is real, something I can learn and use right now, and that the Bible is nothing but boring lies."

     Ashley is hardly the only child rejecting God these days. Weeks after the release of Goblet, the fourth book in J.K. Rowling's blockbuster kid-lit series, interest in witchcraft continues to skyrocket among children. Across America, Satanic temples are filling to the rafters with youngsters clamoring for instruction in summoning and conjuring.

     Over protests from Christian Right leaders, who oppose the books for containing magic—and, by extension, Satanic religious beliefs—millions of children are willing their bodies and souls to Lucifer in unholy blood covenants. In 1995, it was estimated that some 100,000 Americans, mostly adults, were involved in devil-worship groups. Today, more than 14 million children alone belong to the Church of Satan, thanks largely to the unassuming boy wizard from 4 Privet Drive.

     "The Harry Potter</i> books are cool, 'cause they teach you all about magic and how you can use it to control people and get revenge on your enemies," said Hartland, WI, 10-year-old Craig Nowell, a recent convert to the New Satanic Order Of The Black Circle. "I want to learn the Cruciatus Curse, to make my muggle science teacher suffer for giving me a D."

     "Hermione is my favorite, because she's smart and has a kitty," said 6-year-old Jessica Lehman of Easley, SC. "Jesus died because He was weak and stupid."

     But as wild as children are about Harry, no one is happier about the phenomenon than old-school Satanists, who were struggling to recruit new members prior to the publication of the first Potter book in 1997.

     "Harry is an absolute godsend to our cause," said High Priest Egan of the First Church Of Satan in Salem, MA. "An organization like ours thrives on new blood—no pun intended—and we've had more applicants than we can handle lately. And, of course, practically all of them are virgins, which is gravy."

     With membership in Satanic temples reaching critical mass in some areas, many children have been forced to start their own organizations to worship the Lord Of Lies. Houston 11-year-old Bradley Winters, who purchased Goblet Of Fire with his own allowance money at the stroke of midnight on July 8, organized his own club, Potterites To Destroy Jesus, with his neighborhood pals. An admission fee of $6.66 grants membership to any applicant willing to curse the name of God and have a lightning bolt carved into his or her forehead with an iron dagger.

     "The Harry Potter books are awesome!" Winters said. "When I grow up, I'm going to learn Necromancy and summon greater demons to Earth."

     It's more than just the kiddie set and Satanists, however, who are rejoicing over Harry's success. Educators nationwide are praising the books for getting children excited about reading.

     "It's almost impossible to find a book that can compete with those PlayStation games, but Harry Potter has done it," said Gulfport (MS) Middle School principal Frank Grieg. "I have this one student in the fifth grade who'd never read a book before in his life. Now he's read Sorcerer's Stone, Prisoner Of Azkaban, Chamber Of Secrets, Goblet Of Fire, The Seven Scrolls Of The Black Rose, The Necronomicon</i>, The Satanic Bible, The Origin Of Species—you name it."

     Less pleased are Christian leaders, who see Pottermania as a serious threat to their way of life.

     "Children are very impressionable," said Dr. Andrea Collins of Focus On Faith, a Denver-based Christian think-tank and advocacy group. "These books do not merely depict one or two uses of magic spells or crystal balls. We're talking about hundreds of occult invocations. The natural, intuitive leap from reading a <i>Harry Potter book to turning against God and worshipping Satan is very easy for a child to make, as the numbers have shown."

     "These books are truly magical," Collins added, "and therefore dangerous."

     But such protests are falling on largely deaf ears, especially in the case of Harry's creator.

     "I think it's absolute rubbish to protest children's books on the grounds that they are luring children to Satan," Rowling told a London Times reporter in a July 17 interview. "People should be praising them for that! These books guide children to an understanding that the weak, idiotic Son Of God is a living hoax who will be humiliated when the rain of fire comes, and will suck the greasy c**k of the Dark Lord while we, his faithful servants, laugh and cavort in victory."


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
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One of they few parodys I've seen that doesn't poke fun at Christians. This one seems to paint the Christian perspective in a positive light, and poke fun at the Potter supporters.
1 posted on 11/13/2001 5:02:16 AM PST by Brookhaven
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To: Brookhaven
What kinds of questions could you ask kids who read this, to identify if they've been brainwashed into magic/satanism?
2 posted on 11/13/2001 5:10:44 AM PST by LurkedLongEnough
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To: Brookhaven
The problem here is that this stuff gets circulated to people who don't realize it's satire.

A story similar (or identical; it's very close) to this one was in the Onion several months ago. One of my wife's relatives sent her an e-mail with the article enclosed. They took it seriously! I, of course, take most anything retrieved from the internet with a grain of salt. Especially when I see the url in the body of the e-mail text - theonion.com.

I don't know how many people were actually taken by this; wifey wrote back to her friend to tell her that this was satire, and not to be taken seriously.

3 posted on 11/13/2001 5:13:40 AM PST by Mr. Thorne
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To: Brookhaven
Mark my words - this is going to get reprinted on all sorts of apocalyptic Christian websites, and these new "JK Rowling" quotes will turn up endlessly.
4 posted on 11/13/2001 5:18:07 AM PST by ikanakattara
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To: Mr. Thorne; Dawntreader; sheltonmac
I don't know how many people were actually taken by this; wifey wrote back to her friend to tell her that this was satire, and not to be taken seriously.

But that is indeed the beauty of the internet. It seems to have it's own "checks & balances." There are as many if not more sane people using it as insane. I can't count the number of emails I have had to reply to with the urbanlegends site affixed to let people know that what they are sending to their friends is in reality a hoax or blatantly untrue. However, I believe most are like you that they take most of what they read with a grain of salt until they find some verification.

But it feels good to get a tweak in now and then doesn't it?

5 posted on 11/13/2001 5:22:31 AM PST by sola gracia
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To: ikanakattara
Mark my words - this is going to get reprinted on all sorts of apocalyptic Christian websites, and these new "JK Rowling" quotes will turn up endlessly.

Just check post #2. Sometimes I think these people are going out of their way to make Christians look like gullible but dangerous idiots.

Sometimes, these people seem driven to meet their worst critic's expectations.

6 posted on 11/13/2001 5:24:21 AM PST by hopespringseternal
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To: Brookhaven

7 posted on 11/13/2001 5:51:34 AM PST by Brookhaven
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To: Brookhaven
Heh. This is indeed the same Onion article that has circulated (in slightly modified form) via e-mails. My favorite part is:

"Harry is an absolute godsend to our cause," said High Priest Egan of the First Church Of Satan in Salem, MA.

LOL.

8 posted on 11/13/2001 6:04:32 AM PST by Sloth
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To: ikanakattara
As God is my witness...

I was waiting for hours in a hospital waiting room while my husband was undergoing gall bladder surgery, killing time by reading the magazines. In one of them , in the letters to the editor section, I found a letter from a woman in Alpharetta, GA. She was complaining about the article the magazine had published on Harry Potter, and mentioned how disgusted she was that the magazine had never done a followup to that article , using the information she'd sent them. She mentioned an article she'd mailed to them in which JK Rowling admitted to being a Satanist and that her books were meant to lure children into satanism and witchcraft.

The article she sent them was the Onion parody! The editors of the magazine told her that the site she got the article from was a satire site. They were polite though, and told her not to feel bad as the Onion's parodies are so well done.

That was good for a laugh that morning, especially under the circumstances. I am not sure what magazine it was, but I think it was some women's magazine, like RedBook, Good Housekeeping,FC, or LHJ. Not a magazine like Glamour or Vogue.

9 posted on 11/13/2001 6:29:05 AM PST by kaylar
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To: sola gracia
Oh, yeah. I think it's great. Ha! I'm sure my eyebrows climbed halfway to my hairline when she read me her e-mail.

It's my new favorite line: Whaaaat?

= )

10 posted on 11/13/2001 6:40:08 AM PST by Mr. Thorne
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To: Mr. Thorne
"I, of course, take most anything retrieved from the internet with a grain of salt. Especially when I see the url in the body of the e-mail text - theonion.com."

In cooking, a pinch of salt compliments the taste of onions. I guess the same principle applies here as well.

11 posted on 11/13/2001 6:48:16 AM PST by sheltonmac
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To: ikanakattara
Mark my words - this is going to get reprinted on all sorts of apocalyptic Christian websites, and these new "JK Rowling" quotes will turn up endlessly.

That has apparently already happened in the past few months. I have heard reports, but cannot vouch for their authenticity. IMHO, it makes the joke that much funnier.

12 posted on 11/13/2001 8:25:59 AM PST by Britton J Wingfield
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To: Brookhaven
"I used to believe in what they taught us at Sunday School," said Ashley, conjuring up an ancient spell to summon Cerebus, the three-headed hound of hell. "But the Harry Potter books showed me that magic is real, something I can learn and use right now, and that the Bible is nothing but boring lies."

Obviously no one wants to hear they are at the mercy of God. God's way is the only way to develop true emancipation and independence. Sad this little girl is getting so confused about the issues. God is not about power, He is about emancipation from power! Magic and satanism are anything but emancipation from power. These are the paths to slavery ultimately.

13 posted on 11/13/2001 8:32:27 AM PST by lavaroise
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To: lavaroise; Brookhaven
That is, satire or no satire, magic is no joke, the CIA was dumb enough to get into it. http://www.biomindsuperpowers.com/Pages/RealStoryMain.html( )
14 posted on 11/13/2001 8:36:09 AM PST by lavaroise
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To: LurkedLongEnough
What kinds of questions could you ask kids who read this, to identify if they've been brainwashed into magic/satanism?

Seriously, if you ask them certain question to see whether they would be enclined to enslave themselves to certain powers (like violence, drugs, the nany state or what not), you would readily see it. However most children are communist in nature, depending heavily on authority or their parents' welfare, unable to cope independently. That is the reason why the Khmer Rouge and the Palestinian intifada of youth is so effective at murdering.

15 posted on 11/13/2001 8:40:33 AM PST by lavaroise
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To: Brookhaven
It's poking fun at people who think the Harry Potter books lead straight to Hell. You haven't been studying irony or satire of late, have you?
16 posted on 11/13/2001 8:46:13 AM PST by Junior
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To: lavaroise
See kaylar's post #9.
17 posted on 11/13/2001 9:03:43 AM PST by uglybiker
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Bttt
18 posted on 11/13/2001 8:35:23 PM PST by Ouachita
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In case anyone missed this thread....

HAIRY PLOTTERS: Pagan Satanist Target Kids With Occult-toons

Very Funny!

19 posted on 11/13/2001 8:39:22 PM PST by JMJ333
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To: Britton J Wingfield
Go to http://www.snopes2.com/humor/iftrue/potter.htm. Some religious fanatics (note I do not use the term "Christian") have already taken this story in the Onion as being factual.

Seems these religious fanatic adults have a tough time telling fact and fiction apart.

20 posted on 11/16/2001 1:17:29 PM PST by JoeMomma
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