"Statement of spokesman for DPRK Foreign Ministry"
"Pyongyang, September 6 (KCNA) -- A spokesman for the DPRK Foreign Ministry today issued a statement to the press 56 years after the U.S. troops occupied South Korea. The statement said:
On September 8,56 years ago, the U.S. troops occupied South Korea.
The United States, who had watched for a chance to invade Korea from over a hundred years ago, occupied South Korea by force of arms allegedly under the pretext of "disarming" the defeated Japanese army after the end of the second world war.
If the U.S. troops had not been stationed in South Korea, the Korean nation would not have sustained the tragedy of territorial and national division under the constant threat of war for more than half a century. (*Uh huh- the north would have rolled over the south, subjugated it and both sides would be eating tree bark, today while the North's glorious leader ruled all between bites of pizza from his foreign pizza chefs*)
All the patriotic efforts of the peace-loving DPRK government and people to put an end to national division and achieve independent and peaceful reunification of the country have not borne proper fruition due to the obstructive moves of the U.S. troops since their military occupation of South Korea. (*How dare we stand in the way of the North's raping and pillaging of the south?*)
The tough and hostile policy of the new U.S. administration towards the DPRK is now further increasing the danger of the U.S. troops stationed in South Korea. (*Sounds like a threat against the US to me*)
The Bush administration defined the DPRK as "no. 1 enemy" (*No, that honor goes to China, but your nose to nose, I reckon*) and is unilaterally forcing it to "reduce conventional force" in a bid to disarm and stifle it by force of arms, (*How are we doing this by 'force of arms? We're just sitting in one place waiting for an invasion from the north.*) instead of taking a practical measure to withdraw its aggressor troops from South Korea without delay in conformity with the mounting desire of the Korean nation for reunification and the atmosphere of peace and detente on the Korean peninsula after the announcement of the June 15 joint declaration.
The United States is vociferating in public about "resumption of dialogue" without precondition with the DPRK, while extensively reinforcing its armed forces in and around South Korea, modernizing them with up-to-date equipment and staging war exercises against the DPRK one after another.(*We are? Well good.*)
The arms buildup and war exercises corresponding to the U.S. military presence in South Korea are now increasing arms race and the danger of war in the Korean peninsula and northeast Asia.
This situation clearly proves that the U.S. troops stationed in South Korea are a big obstacle to the improvement of inter-Korean and the DPRK-U.S. relations and the smooth settlement of the issue of peace and reunification on the Korean peninsula. (*Why yes, surrendering to every desire a dictator has does make you an obstacle to his conquest. *)
The present reality clearly shows that the U.S. troops stationed in South Korea are the harasser of peace, the very one who keeps the nation divided and the root cause of all misfortune and sufferings of the Korean people. (*? Blame your own asinine and self-destructive policies on us? *)
The withdrawal of U.S. troops from South Korea is a pressing issue the solution of which brooks no further delay for peace and security in the Korean peninsula and northeast Asia. "(*They've had peace since we pushed your butts back across the line, junior.* )
Anyway, it's been a long day and I've got to go!
You guys have a good evening!