"Pastor Joel Osteen will not be ministering this weekend.
"
Heck no! He's in Vail, skiing. I'm sure he'll be doing some heavy praying though, this Christmas day. I think he'd better.
Exactly!
There will be communion at the New Year's Eve and New Year's Day services. "Pastor Joel Osteen will not be ministering" that weekend, either. The good doctor (MD) Paul, his brother, gets those chores.
You can't make this stuff up.