WASHINGTON (Free Republic Network)--Defense Department spokesman Earnest Fury announced today a balanced approach to future Grenada-like operations.
"In lessons learned, Grenada taught us to conserve the lives of our people while expending those of the enemy 'like water'. Hence the new approach will be to airdrop diplomats. We have on one-hour standby a squadron of F-117 Stealth fighters equipped with the P-113 Peanut Pod, a capsule containing a former president and Nobel Peace Prize winner, a document of surrender and a Bic pen."
Spokesman Fury was somewhat cryptic as to details.
"I can neither confirm nor deny that the capsule contains a thermobaric device in lieu of any parachute."
An AC-130 gunship accompanies the squadron, dropping other public figures (e.g., Ramsey Clark, Jane Fonda), with flares in their mouths to direct suppressing fires.
"Human shields will be used but they'll be shrink-wrapped on pallets so we can be shoving them down cargo ramps from 20,000 feet--we're not losing any more people in these pest exterminations," added Fury.