The FReeper Foxhole - Military Humor, Part 3 - February 7th, 2005

see educational sources

[snippy_about_it]

How to kill a snake



The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO).

(ORSA model developed on contract)

INFANTRY: Snake smells them, leaves area.

AIRBORNE: Lands on and kills the snake.

ARMOR: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

AVIATION: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

RANGER: Plays with snake, then eats it.

FIELD ARTILLERY: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

SPECIAL FORCES: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

COMBAT ENGINEER: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using counter mobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

NAVY SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

NAVY: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

MARINE: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

MARINE RECON: Follows snake, gets lost.

COMBAT CONTROLLERS: Guides snake elsewhere.

PARA-RESCUE JUMPER: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

SUPPLY: (Notice: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

TRANSPORT PILOT: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.

F-15 PILOT: Mis-identifies snake as enemy Mil-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

F-16 PILOT: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (too hot also too cold, was clear but too overcast, too dry with rain, unlimited ceiling with low cloud cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

AH-64 APACHE PILOT: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red. Infrared only operable in desert AO's without power lines or SAM's.

UH-60 BLACKHAWK PILOT: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

B-52 PILOT: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

MISSILE CREW: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.

INTELLIGENCE OFFICER: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

JUDGE ADVOCATE GENERAL (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

FIELD PSYCHIATRIST: Assume the snake is dead.... How do you feel about that?

---

Today's Educational Sources and suggestions for further reading:

http://www.strategypage.com/humor/articles/military_joke_army_life.asp

[snippy_about_it]

"What Time Is It?"



On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference.

If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.

If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.

If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.

If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.

If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon."

[snippy_about_it]

Tell 'em if you've got 'em. This is the last in this 3 part series on Military Humor. ;-)



Why the Military can't communicate with each other...

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door.

If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass.

If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike.

If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy.

[snippy_about_it]

"FALL IN" to the FReeper Foxhole!



Good Monday Morning Everyone.

If you want to be added to our ping list, let us know.

If you'd like to drop us a note you can write to:

The Foxhole
19093 S. Beavercreek Rd. #188
Oregon City, OR 97045

[snippy_about_it]

Veterans for Constitution Restoration is a non-profit, non-partisan educational and grassroots activist organization.

---

Actively seeking volunteers to provide this valuable service to Veterans and their families.

Thanks to quietolong for providing this link.

---

We here at Blue Stars For A Safe Return are working hard to honor all of our military, past and present, and their families. Inlcuding the veterans, and POW/MIA's. I feel that not enough is done to recognize the past efforts of the veterans, and remember those who have never been found.

I realized that our Veterans have no "official" seal, so we created one as part of that recognition. To see what it looks like and the Star that we have dedicated to you, the Veteran, please check out our site.

Veterans Wall of Honor

Blue Stars for a Safe Return

---

NOW UPDATED THROUGH JULY 31st, 2004




The FReeper Foxhole. America's History. America's Soul

Click on Hagar for
"The FReeper Foxhole Compiled List of Daily Threads"

LINK TO FOXHOLE THREADS INDEXED by PAR35

[SAMWolf]

Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

The Marines have some great rules. That explains why they're so good. :-)

[Brad’s Gramma]

Hi snippy, Hi Sam! NICE thread, AGAIN!!! :)

[Diver Dave]

Evenin FReeper Foxhole.

Every Sea Story begins with the following word..."Now this is no s**t..."

What must be a hunnert years ago, the most common tasks aboard our ship for the Divers was called "Routine Hull Inspection."

We received a job order on a Tin Can for a hull inspection. During this procedure, usually two divers entered the water and started the inspection on the starboard rudder, the starboard screw, struts and shaft. Following the hull along the starboard bilge keel checking for cracks, dents, moving toward the bow and the sonar dome.

We would reverse the order on the port side and then file our report with the engineering officer of the tin can. The report would list measurements taken on the rudder post, screws, the zinc plates, etc. Our meaurements would be compared with the previous hull inspection report for any signs of needed repairs or replacements.

When inspecting the sonar domes, we would look for dents, peeling paint, marine growth etc.

On this particular tin can, we noted a large amount of marine growth on the dome.

The Tin Can filed another job order for us to clean the dome. A rather simple procedure using stainless steel sponges (similar to a Chore Girl copper scrubbing pad). We had an ample supply of these steel sponges which we kept stowed in a jumbo size NEVR-DULL can.

We tied our boat up near the bow of the Tin Can, and four of us grabbed a couple of sponges each and began our task of cleaning the dome.

While we were down below, the ship's ASW officer was making conversation with Dick, the diver remaining on board the diving boat. He asked, "What do you use to clean the dome"?

Dick, without missing a beat, held up the NEVR-DULL can and replied, "SCUBA-DUBBA-DOME CLEANER."

Well, a couple weeks later, after the Tin Can had completed it's Tender Availability, the Asst. Repair Officer, who also happened to be our Diving Officer, came into the shop with a piece of paper and asked, "What the hell is this?"

The paper was a message from the Skipper of the Tin Can. It was passed around the Diving Locker to each of us. The message included a commendation for the work we performed using SCUBA-DUBBA-DOME-CLEANER. Their sonar was reportedly working much better. It bought laughter from each of us, and Dick finally was able to tell the Diving Officer just what SCUBA-DUBBA-DOME-CLEANER actually was.

[Iris7]

I liked your "Cannonical Murphy's Laws of Combat" piece yesterday, all 140 entries. Really, about nine out of ten entries are extremely good advice. Simply have to stay alive to get your job done.

[Aeronaut]

Good morning Snippy.

[E.G.C.]

Good morning, Snippy and everyone at the Foxhole.

[alfa6]

Monday Foxhole Bump for the University of Science, Music and Culture

Regards

alfa6 ;>}

[GailA]

Good morning

[The Mayor]

February 7, 2005

"Soft Time"

Read:
Galatians 3:26-4:7

When the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law. -Galatians 4:4

Bible In One Year: Exodus 35-37

After studying the behavior of thousands of cell-phone users, James Katz, a professor of communication at Rutgers University, has concluded that the cell phone has changed the nature of the way we think of time. Researchers now speak of the US as living in "soft time." This term has been coined to describe the thinking of a cell-phone user who calls at 8:20 to say he will be late for the 8:30 meeting, arrives at 8:45, and considers himself on time because he called ahead.

Unlike us, God is always on time. While we may struggle to understand why He doesn't act in world events or in our personal lives as speedily as we think He should, the Bible proclaims the punctuality of the Almighty according to His plan. Galatians 4:4-5 says, "When the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons." And Romans 5:6, "When we were still without strength, in due time [at just the right time] Christ died for the ungodly."

We can trust this same wise and loving God, who has never been late in His eternal plan, to be right on time in every detail of our lives. -David McCasland

God's thoughts are above human knowledge-
He moves in mysterious ways
To work out eternity's purpose
Through time's short procession of days. -Stiefel

God's timing is always right.

FOR FURTHER STUDY
How Much Does God Control?

[Professional Engineer]

Good morning ladies. Flag-o-Gram.

Ready to strike KUNSAN AIR BASE, South Korea -- F-16 Fighting Falcon pilot 1st. Lt. Amy RingWald waits in a hangar for clearance from the tower to taxi toward the runway during an exercise here Jan. 25. Lieutenant RingWald is assigned to the 35th Fighter Squadron. (U.S. Air Force photo by Staff Sgt. Michael R. Holzworth)

Never heard it coming size

[Professional Engineer]

Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

Good thing no one else is here yet since i'm definitely ROFLMAO!

[Professional Engineer]

Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

Oopsssssss.

[weegie]

Story about The Royal Marines (Brits) during the Falklands War reported in the press at the time. Young Marine heavily wounded after Argentine artillery strike is being attended by Medics. His best friend is sitting over him. Injured Marine says "Steve, Steve, I think I've lost my f*****g leg!!" His friend replies "No you haven't mate - its over there"

Very, very Brit sense of humour

[Valin]

On This Day In History


Birthdates which occurred on February 07:
1478 Sir Thomas More lawyer/lord chancellor of England/saint (Utopia)
1693 Anna Ivanova Romanova empress of Russia (1730-40)
1710 William Boyce English organist/composer of Cathedral music
1764 Ann Radcliffe London, Gothic novelist (Mysteries of Udolpho)
1804 John Deere pioneer manufacturer of agricultural implements
1812 Charles Dickens England, novelist (Oliver Twist, Tale of 2 Cities)
1817 Leroy Pope Walker US lawyer/Confederate Secretary of War (1861)
1824 William Higgins discovered nature of spiral "nebulae"
1832 Hannah Whitall Smith, American Quaker evangelist and devotional author
1834 Dmitri I Mendelejev Russian chemist (devised Periodic Table)
1837 Sir James Augustus Henry Murray Scotland, created Oxford Dictionary
1867 Laura Ingalls Wilder Wisconsin, children's book author (Little House on Prairie)
1883 Eubie Blake ragtime composer/pianist (I'm Just Wild About Harry, Memories of You)
1885 Sinclair Lewis novelist/social critic (Main Street, Nobel 1930)
1906 Henry P'u-i last emperor of China, puppet emperor of Manchukuo
1907 Arthur George Bottomley politician
1908 Clarence Clarence Linden "Buster" Crabbe Oakland CA, swimmer (Olympics-gold-1932)/actor (Tarzan the Fearless, Flash Gordon)
1914 David Ignatow US poet (Tread the Dark, Rescue the Dead)
1919 Jock Mahoney actor (Range Rider, Yancy Derringer, Day of Fury)
1926 Konstantin Petrovich Feokistov USSR, cosmonaut (Voskhod I)
1928 Al "Fuzzy" Smith baseball player
1932 Alfred M Worden Jackson MI, Colonel USAF/astronaut (Apollo 15)
1932 Gay Talese author (Honor Thy Father)
1934 King Curtis [Curtis Ousley], Forth Worth TX, US saxophonist (Memphis Soul Stew)
1950 Dan Quisenberry baseball pitcher (Kansas City Royals)
1960 James Spader New York NY, actor (Stargate, Boston Legal)
1962 Garth Brooks Tulsa OK, country singer (No Fences, Ropin' the Wind)

---

Deaths which occurred on February 07:
0590 Pelagius II Gothic Pope (579-90), dies from plague
1743 Lodovico Giustini composer, dies at 57
1823 Ann Radcliffe (Ward) English poet/author of horror novels, dies at 58
1865 John Henry Winder US Confederate Brigadier-General/provost marshal, dies at 64
1878 Pius IX "Pio Nono", [Giovanni Ferretti], Pope (1846-78), dies at 85
1897 Galileo Ferraris Italian physicist (Ferrari), dies at 49
1920 Alexander Koltsjak Admiral/leader Russian counter-revolutionary, executed
1960 Igor V Kurtshatov Russian nuclear physicist, dies at 57
1968 Nick [Aloysius Adamschock] Adams actor (Interns, Pillow Talk, FBI Story, Johnny Yuma-The Rebel), ODs at 36
1979 Josef Mengele concentration camp doctor, drowns
1988 Lin[wood V] Carter US, sci-fi writer (Lost World of Time), dies at 57
1990 Jimmy Van Heusen composer (Call Me Irresponsible), dies at 77
1993 Arthur Ashe tennis star (Wimbledon 1975), dies of AIDS at 49
1996 Tiny Winters musician, dies at 87
1999 King Hussein of Jordan died following a battle with cancer, age 63
2001 Dale Evans (born in 1912 as Frances Octavia Smith), singer/actress, wife of Roy Rogers, died at age 88. Her compositions included "Happy Trails" and "The Bible Tells Me So."
2001 Anne Morrow Lindbergh (b.1906), wife of Charles Lindbergh, died at age 94.

---

Reported: MISSING in ACTION

1965 DICKSON EDWARD A.---WYOMING PA.
[EJECTED N/PARA-SEAT]
1966 CRAYTON RENDER---LA GRANGE GA.
[02/12/73 RELEASED BY DRV INJURED, ALIVE AND WELL 98]
1968 BRANDE HARVEY G.---LONG BEACH CA.
[03/16/73 RELEASED BY PRG, ALIVE IN 98]
1968 HANNA KENNETH---SCRANTON SC.
[OVERUN AT SF CAMP]
1968 HOLT JAMES W.---HOT SPRINGS AR.
[OVERUN AT SF CAMP]
1968 LINDEWALD CHARLES W. JR.---LA PORTE IN.
[OVERUN AT SF CAMP]
1968 MC MURRY WILLIAM G.---SCOTTSDALE AZ.
03/16/73 RELEASED BY PRG, ALIVE IN 98]
1968 MORELAND JAMES L.---ANAHEIM CA.
[OVERUN AT SF CAMP]
1968 PHILLIPS DANIEL R.---PHILDELPHIA PA.
[OVERUN AT SF CAMP]
1968 SMITH MAYNARD LEE---TROY KS.
[08/74 REMAINS RECOVERED]
1968 THOMPSON DENNIS L.---PORTLAND OR.
[03/16/73 RELEASED BY PRG, ALIVE IN 98]
1969 DELEIDI RICHARD A.---EL CAJON CA.

POW / MIA Data & Bios supplied by
the P.O.W. NETWORK. Skidmore, MO. USA.

---

On this day...
0590 Pelagius II ends his reign as Catholic Pope
1301 Edward of Caernarion (later Edward II) becomes 1st prince of Wales
1522 Treaty of Brussels Habsburgers split into Spanish/Austrian Branches
1550 Giovanni Maria del Monte elected Pope Julius III
1569 King Philip II forms inquistion in South America
1613 Michail Romanov (16) becomes czar of Russia
1639 Académie Française begins the Dictionary of the French Language
1795 11th Amendment to US Constitution ratified, affirms power of states
1812 8.2 earthquake shakes New Madrid MO; this is the last of Midwest quakes
1836 "Sketches by Boz" (essays) published by Charles Dickens
1839 Henry Clay declares in Senate "I had rather be right than president"
1862 Federal fleet attack on Roanoke Island NC
1864 Federal troops occupy Jacksonville FL
1872 Alcorn A & M College opens
1876 President Grant's private-secretary Orville acquitted in Whiskey Ring
1877 1st Guernsey Cattle Club organizes (New York NY)
1881 Battle at Ingogo, Transvaal Boers beat superior British forces
1882 Last bare knuckle champion John L Sullivan KOs Paddy Ryan in Mississippi
1891 Great Blizzard of 1891 begins
1900 Labour Party forms in England
1900 British troops vacate Vaal Krantz, Natal
1904 Baltimore catches fire (1500 buildings destroyed in 80 blocks)
1905 Dominican Republic signs treaty turning over customs collection to US
1905 Oklahoma admitted to statehood
1914 Charlie Chaplin debuts "The Tramp" in "Kid Auto Races at Venice"
1915 1st wireless message sent from a moving train to a station received
1915 2nd Battle of Masurian Lakes German armies surrounded a Russian army
1928 1st solo England to Australia flight takes off (Bert Hinkler)
1933 Social-Democrat meeting in Berlin "As thousands cheer" Marxism is dead
1934 1st contract for TVA power, Tupelo MS
1935 Monopoly invented by Charles Darrow symbol Rich Uncle Pennybags
1936 A flag is authorized for the Vice President
1936 Felix the Cat, Cartoon Character, by Van Beuren from Otto Messmer
1940 British railroads nationalized
1940 Walt Disney's 2nd feature-length movie, "Pinocchio", premieres (New York NY)
1941 Frank Sinatra & Tommy Dorsey Orchestra record "Everything Happens to Me"
1943 Shoe rationing begins in US (may purchase up to 3 more pairs in 1942)
1944 Germans launch counter-offensive at Anzio Italy
1944 Bing Crosby records "Swinging on a Star" for Decca Records
1945 General Douglas MacArthur returns to Manila
1945 US 76th/5th Infantry divisions begin crossing Sauer
1946 Filibuster in US Senate kills FEPC bill
1947 Arabs & Jews reject British proposal to split Palestine
1948 Omar Bradley succeeds Dwight Eisenhower as Army Chief of Staff
1949 Joe DiMaggio becomes 1st $100,000/year baseball player (New York Yankees)
1950 Senator Joe McCarthy finds "communists" in US State Dept.
1950 US & Great-Britain recognize Bao Dai Vietnamese regime
1956 Autherine Lucy, 1st black admitted to University of Alabama, is expelled
1958 Dodgers officially become the Los Angeles Dodgers, Inc
1959 Cessna lands in Las Vegas after 65 d without landing (refuels in air)
1959 Castro proclaims new Cuban constitution
1960 Old handwriting found in at Qumran, near the Dead Sea
1961 Jane Fonda made her acting debut in the NBC drama "A String of Beads"
1962 President Kennedy begins blockade of Cuba
1964 Beatles land at New York's JFK airport, for 1st US tour
1964 Cassius Clay becomes a Muslim & adopts the name Muhammad Ali
1965 US begins regular bombing & strafing of North Vietnam
1969 Al-Fatah-leader Yasser Arafat becomes president of PLO
1969 Diane Crump becomes 1st woman jockey at a major US racetrack (Hialeah FL)
1970 LSU's "Pistol" Pete Marovich scores 69 points in losing cause
1970 "Hollywood Palace" last airs on ABC TV
1971 Women win the right to vote in Switzerland
1973 Senate creates Select Committee on Presidential Campaign Activities
1974 Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles" opens in movie theaters(Trust me, I'm Mel)
1976 FCC raids & shuts down pirate radio station WCPR (Brooklyn NY)
1976 World's largest telescope (600 cm) begins operation (USSR)
1976 Larry Groce's "Junk Food Junkie" peaks at #9
1979 Neptune becomes farthest planet from the sun in our solar system (will remain that way for 20 years)
1979 Pink Floyd premiered their live version of "The Wall" in Los Angeles
1983 1st female secretary of transportation sworn-in (Elizabeth Dole)
1984 Bruce McCandless makes 1st untethered space walk (US)
1984 David (born without immunity system) at 12, touches mom for 1st time
1986 Haiti's President-for-Life Jean-Claude (Baby Doc) Duvalier flees to France Henri Namphy becomes leader of Haiti
1986 Philippine Corazon Aquino defeats incumbent dictator Ferdinand Marcos but fraudulent returns gave the election to Marcos
1987 Dennis Conner & Stars & Stripes bring America's Cup back to US
1988 Heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson marries actress Robin Givens
1990 USSR Communist party agrees to allow opposition political parties
1991 Bob Knight, Larry O'Brien, Tiny Archibald, Dave Cowens, Harry Gallatin & Larry Fleisher elected to NBA Hall of Fame
1991 Jean-Bertrand Aristide sworn in as Haiti's 1st elected president
1992 Mike Tyson testifies in his rape trial
1992 Shannon Rhea Marketic, 22, (California), crowned 41st Miss USA
1993 Pebbles Flintstone & Bamm Bamm Rubble wed
1996 Tamil Tigers attacked Sri Lankan troops in the eastern part of the island nation, killed 11 and lost 15
1998 NHL's Dallas Stars retire Neal Broten's #7
1998 The Axial Seamount undersea volcano off the coast of the Pacific Northwest was erupting 5,000 feet below sea level.
2004 Nearly 400 members of Yasser Arafat's ruling Fatah Party resigned to protest what they call corruption and bad leadership within the group.

---

Holidays
Note: Some Holidays are only applicable on a given "day of the week"

Grenada : Independence Day (1974)
US : No Memo! Day
US : Boy Scouts of America Anniversary Week (Day 2)
US : Hangover Awareness Day
International Embroidery Month

---

Religious Observances
Christian : Feast of St Theodore
Old Roman Catholic : Feast of St Romuald, abbot

---

Religious History
1528 Bern, the strongest canton (territorial division) in southern Switzerland in its day, officially embraced the Protestant faith of Swiss reformers Ulrich Zwingli and John Oecolampadius.
1546 Eleven days before his death, German reformer Martin Luther wrote in a letter to his wife Kate: 'I have a better Caretaker than you and all the angels. He it is who lies in a manger ...but at the same time sits at the right hand of God, the almighty Father. Therefore be at rest.'
1832 Birth of Hannah Whitall Smith, American Quaker evangelist and devotional author. Her best-known writing was "The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life" (1875). It's still in print!
1947 U.S. Senate Chaplain Peter Marshall prayed: 'We want to do right, and to be right; so start us in the right way, for Thou knowest that we are very hard to turn.'
1869 Connecticut Congregational clergyman Samuel Wolcott, 56, upon returning home from a YMCA evangelistic service, penned the words to the missionary hymn, "Christ for the World We Sing."

Source: William D. Blake. ALMANAC OF THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH. Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1987.

---

Thought for the day :
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia."

[Valin]

Air Force

Kiss the spouse good-bye
Drive to the flight line
Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back.
Pop in at the club for a couple with the guys
Go home, BBQ some burgers and drink some more beer.

AIR FORCE! We kill people the civilized way...from 10,000ft.