The FReeper Foxhole - Military Humor, Part 1 - February 5th, 2005

see educational sources

[snippy_about_it]

Life Aboard A Submarine…



If you have never served aboard a submarine or do not know anyone who is or was a submariner, then this list may help you understand what life aboard a submarine is all about (Well..sort of anyway.) If you are a submarine veteran, you will probably find much to laugh about in the unique world of submarine life. These are but a few of the ways to experience (on the lighter side) life aboard a submarine. These are but examples, used for reference only, not for actual demonstration purposes. Read at your own risk.

Spend as much time as you can indoors during the daytime, stay out of direct sunlight. Go to work only before sunrise and come home after sunset.

Paint everything around you Sea Foam Green (Navy NSN Green, no substitutions) or Off-White to be sure you are living in a clean, happy environment. Every Friday, set an alarm on loud for a short, but hated, drill sound. Then get up and manned only with a bucket, sponge and a greeny. Clean one area over and over, even if it is already spotless.

Eat food that you can only get out of a can and requires water in order to eat it. Empty out your refrigerator and turn the temperature control down, turning the refrigerator into a freezer. Get rid of all fresh fruits and vegetables.

Repeat back everything spoken to you. Repeat back everything spoken to you.

Sit in your car for six hours at a time with the motor running. Keep hands on the wheel. But don’t leave your driveway. Log readings of your oil pressure, water temperature, speedometer and odometer every 15 minutes.

Put Lube Oil in your humidifier instead of water. Set it on high.

Buy a trash compactor; use it only once a week. Store the rest of the garbage in your bathroom.

Don’t watch movies except in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.

Have the paperboy give you a standard Navy haircut.

Take hourly readings on your water and your electric meters. But only for a six hour period.

Sleep with your dirty laundry.

For you old mechanics, set your lawn mower in the middle of the living room while it is running. Only for six hours a day.

Invite guests but don’t prepare enough food for everyone. Serve food cold. Limit the time they sit at the table to 10 minutes.

Wake up at midnight every night and make a peanut butter sandwich, use stale bread. Better yet, make your own bread but cut 3 inch thick slices and use these. Optional: warm up some canned Ravioli or soup.

Make your family a menu for the week without knowing what food is in the cabinets.

Set your alarm clock for various times at night; adjust the volume to the maximum. When it goes off, jump out of bed, get your clothes on as fast as you can, run outside and grab the garden hose. Then go back to bed and do it all again when the alarm goes off.

Once a month take apart every appliance completely and then put them back together.

Use 18 scoops of coffee per pot and allow it to sit for 5 to six hours before drinking it.

Invite at least 85 people you really don’t like and have them stay for a couple of months.

Store your eggs in the garbage for two months and then cook a dozen each morning.

Have a fluorescent lamp installed under your coffee table and lie underneath it to read books.

Put a complicated lock on your basement door and wear the key around your neck on a special chain.

When making cakes, prop up one side of the pan when cooking. Use extra icing to level it off.

Every so often, yell "EMERGENCY DEEP!" run into the kitchen and sweep all pots, pans and dishes off of the counters onto the floor, and then yell at your wife for not having the kitchen area "Stowed for Sea!"

Put on the stereo headphones (don’t plug them in), go to the stove and stand in front of it. Say (to no one in particular) "Stove manned and ready" stay there for 3 to 4 hours. Say (once again and to no one in particular) "Stove secured", then role up your headphone cord and put them away.

Pull out your refrigerator and clean behind it for 4 hours and then put it back when you are done. Have your wife come and check every 10 minutes with a flashlight to see how you are doing.

When doing your laundry fill it only 1/3 full, sit in front of your washing machine in your underwear and read a book or magazine you’ve read at least 5 times before in the last week. When the wash is done, only run the dryer for half the normal time.

Fix-up a shelf in your closet that will serve as your bunk for the next six months. Take the door off of the hinges and replace them with curtains. While asleep, have family members shine a flashlight in your eyes at random intervals and say either "Sign this!" or "Sorry, wrong rack!"

If you can do these. You can do just about anything!


Shuffleboard!

We'll continue this on Sunday's thread with more from the other services. ;-)

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Today's Educational Sources and suggestions for further reading:

http://www.chinfo.navy.mil/

[snippy_about_it]

"FALL IN" to the FReeper Foxhole!



Good Saturday Morning Everyone.

If you want to be added to our ping list, let us know.

If you'd like to drop us a note you can write to:

The Foxhole
19093 S. Beavercreek Rd. #188
Oregon City, OR 97045

[snippy_about_it]

Veterans for Constitution Restoration is a non-profit, non-partisan educational and grassroots activist organization.

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Actively seeking volunteers to provide this valuable service to Veterans and their families.

Thanks to quietolong for providing this link.

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We here at Blue Stars For A Safe Return are working hard to honor all of our military, past and present, and their families. Inlcuding the veterans, and POW/MIA's. I feel that not enough is done to recognize the past efforts of the veterans, and remember those who have never been found.

I realized that our Veterans have no "official" seal, so we created one as part of that recognition. To see what it looks like and the Star that we have dedicated to you, the Veteran, please check out our site.

Veterans Wall of Honor

Blue Stars for a Safe Return

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NOW UPDATED THROUGH JULY 31st, 2004




The FReeper Foxhole. America's History. America's Soul

Click on Hagar for
"The FReeper Foxhole Compiled List of Daily Threads"

LINK TO FOXHOLE THREADS INDEXED by PAR35

[Valin]

On This Day In History


Birthdates which occurred on February 05:
1626 Madame Marie de Sévigné Paris, celebrated letter-writer (Portrait in Letters)
1723 John Witherspoon clergyman/signed Declaration of Independence
1748 Christian Gottlob Neefe German composer/conductor/tutor of Beethoven
1788 Sir Robert "Bobbie" Peel British PM (1834-46), founded Tories
1810 Ole Bull composer
1833 John Watkinson founder of British Chess Magazine (oldest chess magazine)
1837 Dwight Lyman Moody US, evangelist (Student Volunteer Movement)
1840 Hiram Stevens Maxim inventor (automatic single-barrel rifle)
1840 John Boyd Dunlop Scotland, developer (pneumatic rubber tire)
1891 Karl L Schmidt German/Swiss theologist (Urchristentum)
1900 Adlai E Stevenson (Governor-D-IL), presidential candidate (D) (1952, 1956)
1906 John Carradine Greenwich Village NY, actor (Grapes of Wrath, Howling)
1914 William S Burroughs St Louis, novelist/junkie (Naked Lunch)
1917 Zsa Zsa Gabor [Zsa Sari], Budapest Hungary, actress (Queen of Outer Space)
1919 Red Buttons [Aaron Chwatt], Bronx New York NY, comedian/actor (Sayonara, Poseidon Adventure)
1922 Bernard Kalb State Dept spokesman/actor (Dave)
1923 Stephen J Cannell TV producer/writer(Rockford Files, A-Team)
1934 Hank Aaron baseball player (record 755 home runs, 1957 NL MVP)
1939 Jane Bryant Quinn newscaster/financial writer (Everyone's Money Book)
1941 Rick Laird jazz musician (Gerry Niewood & Timepiece)
1942 Roger Staubach NFL quarterback (Dallas Cowboys)
1944 Al Kooper rock keyboards/vocalist (Blood Sweat & Tears-When I Die)
1964 Duff [Michael] "Rose" McKagan rocker (Guns & Roses-Sweet Child of Mine)
1978 Kristina Cherina Miss Croatia-Universe (1997)

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Deaths which occurred on February 05:
0045BC Cato Roman patriot & philosopher, commits suicide
1721 James Stanhope 1st earl of Stanhope English General, dies at 47
1867 Salomon Munk published Arabic edition of Maimounides, dies
1881 Thomas Carlyle historian/essayist, dies in London at 85
1946 George Arliss actor/writer (Dr Syn, Voltaire), dies at 77
1947 Ganzefles Dutch Nazi spy/Jew hunter, executed
1961 Anthony G de Rothschild British philanthropist, dies at 73
1991 Dean Jagger US actor (Mr Novak, Rawhide, Oscar), dies at about 87
1993 Joseph L Mankiewicz US writer/director (All about Eve), dies at 83
1994 Hermann Abs German banker to Hitler & Adenauer, dies at 92
1995 Doug Mcclure US rodeo rider/actor (Trampas-Virginian), dies at 59
1997 Pamela Harriman US Ambassador (to France), dies of stroke at 76

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Reported: MISSING in ACTION

1966 ASMUSSEN GLENN EDWARD---WASHINGTON DC.
1966 MC CONNAUGHHAY DAN DAILY---ARTESIA CA.
[DIED IN HELI CRASH]
1966 SPARENBERG BERNARD JOHN---BALTIMORE MD.
[DIED IN HELI CRASH]
1968 CLEVER LOUIS J.---WESTMORELAND CITY PA.
1968 EDGAR ROBERT J.---NOKOMIS FL.
1968 GODWIN SOLOMON H.---HOT SPRINGS AR.
1968 LASITER CARL W.---INDIANAPOLIS IN.
[03/14/73 RELEASED BY DRV, ALIVE IN 98]
1968 POTTER WILLIAM T.---GRAND FORKS ND.
1968 ROLLINS JAMES U.
[02/12/73 RELEASED BY PRG INJURED]
1969 SWIGART PAUL E. JR.---SEAL BEACH CA.
1970 DELUCA ANTHONY J.
[02/28/70 RELEASED TUNNEL RAT, ALIVE AND WELL 1998]
1970 GLENN THOMAS PAUL
[02/28/70 RELEASED]
1970 HEFEL DANIEL---GUTTENBURG IA.
[03/27/73 RELEASED BY PRG, ALIVE IN 98]
1970 HUNSUCKER JAMES
[02/28/70 RELEASED]
1970 KOBASHIGAWA TOM Y.---HONOLULU HI.
[03/27/73 RELEASED BY PRG, ALIVE IN 98]
1970 LYON JAMES M.---INDIANAPOLIS IN.
1970 LEHNEN GARY ROBERT
[02/28/70 RELEASED]
1970 PARSELS JOHN W.---BRADENTON FL.
[03/27/73 RELEASED BY PRG]
1970 STEPHENSON RICHARD C.---HAMILTON OH.
1970 WALKER MICHAEL JAMES
[02/28/70 RELEASED]
1971 PAUL JAMES L.---RIVERVIEW MI.
1973 BERNHARDT ROBERT E.---RICHMOND VA.
[02/73 REMAINS RECOVERED]

POW / MIA Data & Bios supplied by
the P.O.W. NETWORK. Skidmore, MO. USA.

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On this day...
0816 Frankish emperor Louis grants archbishop Salzburg immunity
1428 King Alfonso V, orders Sicily's Jews to attend conversion sermons
1572 Beggars assault Oisterwijk Netherlands, drive nuns out
1576 Henry of Navarre abjures Catholicism at Tours
1631 Rhode Island, founder, Roger Williams arrives in Boston from England
1644 1st US livestock branding law passed, by Connecticut
1649 Prince of Wales becomes king Charles II
1736 Methodists John & Charles Wesley arrive in Savannah GA
1778 Articles of Confederation ratified by 1st state, South Carolina
1782 Spanish take Minorca (western Mediterranean) from the English
1783 Sweden recognizes US independence
1783 Earthquakes ravage Calabria, killing 30,000
1816 Rossini's Opera "Barber of Seville" premieres in Rome
1817 1st US gas company incorporated, Baltimore (coal gas for street lights)
1825 Hannah Lord Montague of New York creates 1st detachable shirt collar
1846 "Oregon Spectator" is 1st newspaper to be published on the West Coast
1850 Adding machine employing depressible keys patented, New Paltz NY
1861 Louisiana delegation except Mr Bouligny withdraws from Congress
1861 1st moving picture peep show machine is patented by Samuel Goodale of Cincinnati
1864 Federals occupy Jackson MS
1865 Battle of Hatcher's Run, VA (Armstrong's Mill, Dabney's Mill)
1870 1st motion picture shown to a theater audience, Philadelphia
1879 Joseph Swan demonstrates light bulb using carbon glow
1881 Phoenix AZ incorporates
1885 News of fall of Khartoum reaches London
1887 Giuseppe Verdi's opera "Otello" premieres at La Scala in Italy
1887 Snow falls on San Francisco
1901 Loop-the-loop centrifugal RR (roller coaster) patented by Ed Prescot
1901 Pierpont Morgan forms US Steel Corp
1916 Enrico Caruso recorded "O Sole Mio" for the Victor Talking Machine Company
1917 Congress overrides Wilson's veto, curtailing Asian immigration
1917 Present Mexican constitution adopted
1918 1st US pilot to down an enemy airplane, Stephen W Thompson
1918 Separation of church & state begins in USSR
1921 Yankees purchase 20 acres in the Bronx for Yankee Stadium
1922 Reader's Digest magazine 1st published
1923 Mass arrests of socialists & communists in Italy
1927 Buster Keaton's movie "The General" released & bombed
1937 FDR proposes enlarging Supreme Court, "court packing" plan failed
1937 1st Charlie Chaplin talkie, "Modern Times", is released
1940 Glenn Miller & his Orchestra record "Tuxedo Junction"
1945 British premier Churchill arrives in Yalta,
1945 US troops under General Douglas MacArthur enter Manilla
1948 Dick Button becomes 1st US figure skating Olympics champion
1953 "Peter Pan" by Walt Disney opens at Roxy Theater, NYC
1957 Dmitri Shostakovich completes his 2nd Piano Concert
1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser nominated 1st President of United Arab Republic
1962 French President de Gaulle calls for Algeria's independence
1962 Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter & Saturn within 16º
1963 Maarten Schmidt discovers enormous red shifts in quasars
1967 "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" premieres on CBS (later ABC, NBC)
1967 Anastasio Somoza "elected" President of Nicaragua
1969 US population reaches 200 million
1969 Vince Lombardi, becomes part owner, vice president, general manager & head coach of Redskins
1971 Apollo 14, 3rd US manned Moon expedition, lands near Fra Mauro; Alan Shepard & Edward Mitchell (Apollo 14) walk on Moon for 4 hours
1972 US airlines begin mandatory inspection of passengers & baggage

1973 Funeral for LC William Nolde, last US soldier killed in Vietnam War

1973 Juan Corona sentenced to 25 consecutive life terms for 25 murders
1973 Comic strip "Hagar The Horrible" debuts
1974 US Mariner 10 returns 1st close-up photos of Venus' cloud structure
1974 Maximum speed on Autobahn reduced to 100 kph
1977 "Up Your Nose" by Gabriel Kaplan peaks at #91
1980 Egyptian parliament votes to end boycott of Israel
1981 Military jury in North Carolina convicts Robert Garwood of collaborating with enemy
1981 Largest Jell-O made (9,246 gallons of watermelon-flavor) in Brisbane
1983 Former Nazi Gestapo official Klaus Barbie brought to trial
1988 1st prime-time wrestling match in 30 years-Andre the giant beats Hulk Hogan
1988 Panamanian General Manuel Noriega indicted by US grand jury for drugs
1988 Arizona House of Representatives vote to impeach Republican Governor Evan Mecham
1989 Kareem Abdul-Jabar becomes 1st NBA player to score 38,000 points
1991 A Michigan court bars Dr Jack Kevorkian from assisting in suicides
1992 Jury selection begins in the Los Angeles cops beating Rodney King case
1994 "Where On Earth Is Carmen San Diego" debuts on Fox TV
1994 Medgar Evers' murderer Byron De La Beckwith sentenced to life, in Jackson MS, 30 years after the crime
1997 3 Swiss banks create $70 million Holocaust fund
1998 Democratic fundraiser Yah Lin "Charlie" Trie pleaded innocent in Washington to charges he'd raised illegal donations to buy influence in high places.
2001 Four disciples of Osama bin Laden went on trial in New York in the 1998 bombings of two U.S. embassies in Africa. The four were convicted and sentenced to life in prison without parole
2002 A federal grand jury in Alexandria, Va., indicted John Walker Lindh on 10 charges, alleging he was trained by Osama bin Laden's network and then conspired with the Taliban to kill Americans
2004 Journalists at Zimbabwe's only independent daily newspaper left their offices after the Supreme Court upheld that it was a crime to work without a government license

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Holidays
Note: Some Holidays are only applicable on a given "day of the week"
World] International Clergy Appreciation Week (Day 5)
Finland : Runeberg Day (1804)
Japan : Japanese Martyrs Day (26 martyrs-1597)
México : Constitution Day (1857 & 1917)
Roman calendar : Nonae Februarius
San Marino : Liberation Day
Tanzania : Birth of the Afro Shirazi Party
World : Boy Scouts Day (1910) (Sunday)
US : Muffin Mania Week (Day 6)
Blah Buster Month

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Religious Observances
Baptist : Roger Williams Day
Roman Catholic : Memorial of St Agatha, virgin/martyr
Roman Catholic : Commemoration of St Jeanne de Valois, French foundress
Anglican, Lutheran : Commemoration of 26 martyrs of Japan killed by Tagosama
old Roman Catholic : Feast of St Philip of Jesus, 1st Christian martyr in Japan

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Religious History
1631 English clergyman Roger Williams first arrived in America. He soon began questioning Massachusetts' religious policies which fused church and state matters. Williams was banished to Rhode Island five years later, where at Providence he established the first Baptist church in America.
1736 The English Wesley brothers, John (32) and Charles (28) first arrived in America at Savannah, GA. They had been invited by Georgia governor James Oglethorpe as missionaries to the American Indians.
1812 American missionary Adoniram Judson, 23, married schoolteacher Ann Hasseltine, 22. Two weeks later the couple set sail for India under sponsorship of the American [Congregational] Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions.
1887 The Chicago Evangelization Society was organized by evangelist D. L. Moody, 50. Two years later, the Society established the Bible Institute for Home and Foreign Missions. Moody died in 1899, and in 1900 the school was renamed Moody Bible Institute.
1944 German theologian and Nazi martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in a letter from prison: 'Much that worries us beforehand can afterwards, quite unexpectedly, have a happy and simple solution... Things really are in a better hand than ours.'

Source: William D. Blake. ALMANAC OF THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH. Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1987.

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Thought for the day :
"A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works."

[Soaring Feather]

Good morning everyone.

[E.G.C.]

good morning, Snippy and everyone at the Foxhole.

[Valin]

No humor thread would be complete without...
Murphy's Military Laws
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Friendly fire ain't.
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at.
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants.
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.



I think it's a law.

[The Mayor]

February 5, 2005

The Blackness Of Midnight

Read:
Revelation 20

They are . . . wandering stars for whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever. -Jude 12-13.

Bible In One Year: Exodus 28-31

Through the years, the memory of our descent into that pit has reminded me again and again of Jesus' words concerning the lost, who are "cast out into outer darkness" (Matthew 8:12). As terrifying as it was to be in that cave for just a few moments, imagine what it would be like for eternity!

We don't hear much about hell these days. But that doesn't mean there is no such place.

Have you ever thought about where you will spend eternity? According to the Scriptures, you will spend it in one of two places-either heaven or hell.

If you have never made sure of heaven, why not pray something like this right now: "Lord Jesus, I believe that You died on the cross for my sins and rose again from the dead. I now receive You as my Savior. I don't want to be lost. I want to go to heaven. Save me!"

Jesus promised, "The one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out" (John 6:37). -Richard De Haan

Be not afraid of the darkness-
Even the darkness of night;
Trusting in Christ brings salvation-
You will be walking in light. -Hess

Every sinner must be pardoned or punished.

FOR FURTHER STUDY
The Forgiveness Of God
What If It's True?

[stand watie]

GM, snippy, et.al.

free dixie,sw

[SAMWolf]

Morning Snippy.

[stand watie]

GM, Sam!

free dixie,sw

[SAMWolf]

How'd you get in first?

1967 "The Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour" premieres on CBS (later ABC, NBC)

Mom always liked you best.

[SAMWolf]

Good Morning Feather.

[SAMWolf]

Morning E.G.C.

We had a beautiful sunset last night. Overcast this morning though. :-(

[SAMWolf]

If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.

Ain't that the truth!

[SAMWolf]

Morning Mayor.

We don't hear much about hell these days

Seems the Church is afraid to remind us about Hell.

[SAMWolf]

Morning stand watie.

Free Dixie!

[Valin]

Well lets just say I have my ways and leave it at that.
There are somethings you don't want to know...trust me.

[The Mayor]

I agree, my Pastor doesn't shy away from it..

[E.G.C.]

Well, we have rain the forecast but right now it's nice and sunny.