Posted on 09/27/2003 11:31:35 PM PDT by WillowyDame
Edited on 05/26/2004 5:16:54 PM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]
THE picture-perfect family - where both parents pursue careers and earn good money - is a trap that's sending thousands of big-city couples toward financial ruin, a new book says. They're making more money than their parents did, but are having a much harder time paying for what experts call the single biggest "luxury item" of the 21st century: children.
(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
i want...i want...
good luck, parents!!
Back in 1996, my husband and I made a decent salary for two young people in their mid twenties. My husband also had a side business that brought in an extra $200 a week. We had a 1 bedroom apartment, two new vehicles, and lots of bills.
We looked all over Long Island for a house that we could afford on one salary. The best we could do was a former "beach house" with two bedrooms that could barely hold a bed. Those were 130K.
Why one salary, when both of us had a career? We wanted to raise our kids, not someone else. Further, if one of us was unexpectedly taken out of the equation (death or disability), we wanted the remaining spouse to be able to keep a roof over our children's heads (at the time, we didn't have any).
In the end, we moved...all the way to Texas. Took a 20K a year cut in gross salary, but our net was almost the same (no state income tax bill to meet). Within a year, we had a beautiful, brand new home that my NY friends drool over. Were it not for my daughter's traumatic, premature birth, and the royal screwing we received on the medical bills, we would be debt free and living on one income. We've got the money on hand in retirement funds to pay it off, but want to keep those funds in place.
We have two kids. I only work part time. My son goes to a private Christian pre-school a few days a week and my daughter will attend next year. No daycare; they are either with Mommy or Daddy. Lots of sacrifices. Well worth all of them. My kids are loving, well behaved, bright, and better educated (homeschooled) than many of their peers.
We just have to hang on for three more years, when both my babies are in school full time. Then I can go back to full time work, earn 5X what I'm making now, and all our debt will disappear with gobs of money to spare. I only want to work full time for a few years at the most, get us back on track with the savings built back up, and then permanently retire to be a full-time Mom.
Unless you are superwealthy, you can't to that on Long Island anymore.
But you can do that in Texas!
I manage to support a family of 5 on less than half of their income. I did it in San Diego, which is not an inexpensive place to live. Now that I've moved into the hinterlands (where people are friendlier, life is more pleasant), I make less but enjoy a higher standard of living.
We're a single income family that survived a layoff, homeschooled and is generally content. Maybe these folks need to rethink spending and lifestyle decisions.
These people have some warped priorities, no question. I fully understand the desire to live and work in a city with as many offerings and opportunities as New York City. Hell, I moved there myself. But if you get to a point where your financial situation is so dire that you can't even afford to take advantage of any of those opportunities, what's the point of staying and torturing yourself, when you could move somewhere else and live like a king on the same salary?
That said, this is not at all a problem unique to New York, or even big cities. I now live in a dumpy burg that is rated as the second least-expensive city in the whole of the United States. But it's well known that almost all the thirtysomething and fortysomething "rich people" in town (pretty much all physicians; not many young people with a lot of money would otherwise want to live here) are just barely getting by. Why? Because they're all obsessed with "keeping up with the Joneses." They buy hideously overpriced plots of land in "exclusive" snob estates on the outskirts of town and build huge houses to live in, just for bragging rights. Most of their big salaries go to pay for their mortgages and heating and cooling the house, and as a result most of them barely have enough money left over to buy groceries.
And the prices, of almost EVERYTHING, is quite high in New York.
For those of you who say that they made their beds, so they have to lie in them, that's exactly what they're doing.
This is a church-based program that steadily grew in popularity because of its success; now it's a full-blown educational program. The two to four year olds go two days a week. They even have a kindergarten program.
Anthony is in the program because we want him to have the experience, not because we need someone to watch him while I work. If he wasn't in the program, he would be home (like he is most days) with my husband and my baby girl, playing with Dad. It's been a very positive experience for him and he looks forward to going. If he didn't, we would pull him out.
Many neighbors have put their kids in the program and all of them praised the results. He went last year, and his verbal skills blossomed (he was always articulate around us, but really came into his own verbally with others after starting bible school).
They have arts and crafts, gym, music, story time, educational visitors, bible lessons, playtime, snack, lunch, nap, and more. Right now, they are learning the alphabet and working on writing skills (buildig on what I'm teaching him at home). All the learning is Christ-centered. All the lessons have a biblical theme.
I plan to keep him there through to the first grade; where, hopefully, I can secure a good private Christian school for the rest of his education.
Believe me, it wasn't easy. We left behind everyone we knew, including both of our families, and we didn't know anyone here. We had never even visited before, so it was all new and unfamiliar.
We did have two things going for us, though. A rock solid marriage and a job waiting for my husband.
It's been hard, at times. After the traumatic, premature birth of my daughter, I had a rough recovery and severe post-partum depression. Not having a support network of family to help ease the burden was particularly tough, but we hung on and things eventually got better. I've learned a lot about myself in the years since we moved; what I'm capable of, what I can do when put to the test because I had to do it.
But I certainly understand the apprehension folks can feel about taking that kind of leap. Wripping up roots is never easy, particularly if there are kids involved. Still, since the move, some of my friends are now investigating the possbility of moving elsewhere, too, since they are all fighting the same fight as the folks in the article, living in NY and struggling to get by despite great jobs and nice incomes.
I have to tip my hat to the folks who stay in NY and somehow survive; it's a test of strength to stay afloat when things are so extremely expensive. My post was a chance to offer an alternative...that things don't have to be that way, for those looking for another option.
It worked out, mostly, for us too; however, I was just pointing out, that for some, this isn't anything they can or want to do, no matter how difficult it is in New York; where I come from too. It isn't easy and sometimes, it isn't even feasible.
We've talked before and I'm glad to see you again and to know, that things are going well for you and your's. :-)
I'm sorry I didn't address this before, but why should anyone criticize you for putting your son in preschool or day care?
If you had to work, you had to work! What were you supposed to do, not pay the bills and put food on the table? You were doing what you felt was in the best interests of your family. Lots of parents are making the same hard choices as you did; you need support, not criticism.
Being able to stay home with the kids was a goal my husband and I had in mind long before the kids came along, so we made several life choices and planned towards it. As it turned out, life threw us some hardballs and I'm still working part time while my husband watches the kids. Then I watch the kids while he goes to work. There aren't a lot of people who have a luxury of flexing their schedules like this, or having their plans stay on track, or having things work out.
One more catastrophic event would have thwarted our years of planning. I'd be working full-time again, the kids would be in daycare, and I'd be on the receiving end of criticism, too, no doubt.
So no recriminations here, Halfdome.
Hope all is well and that you have a wonderful week ahead.
:)
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