[Cathryn Crawford]

Don't degrade the pizza by suggesting that a bird may touch it. Hungry as I am, I wouldn't be able to eat it then.

And, yes, I'd know a grackle if I saw it. Though I wouldn't get close enough to it to tell what it was.

I'm doing a tally. I've been attacked by:

15 chickens
23 ducks
10 geese
5 parrots
1 cockatiel
1 turkey

All these are approximate. I'm still thinking.

[Scenic Sounds]

I'm doing a tally. I've been attacked by:

15 chickens
23 ducks
10 geese
5 parrots
1 cockatiel
1 turkey

Pretty impressive, I must say.

But I can smell a trap a mile away, Cathryn. So, I AM NOT gonna ask you to identify the turkey who has attacked you. ROFL.

[LibKill]

Way back when dear old Dad had pretensions of being a gentleman farmer, we kept chickens.

One day my youngest brother stumbled into the house bleeding from numerous cuts on his legs and in great distress.

While I dressed his wounds with antibiotic ointment I got the story.

He went out to feed the chickens and turned his back on the rooster. It spurred him about 20 times before he could get out of the chicken pen.

I promptly put on my boots and put a pair of wire-cutters in my back pocket.

I went to the chicken pen. I turned my back on the rooster.

I heard it squawk as it came at me.

Turning around I executed an NFL kick-for-points.

Then, while the rooster was still stunned, I unceremoniously removed his spurs with the wire-cutters.

Peace returned to the suburbs.