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No show goes lower than Joe Schmo (But None Is More HILARIOUS!!!)
National Post ^ | September 5, 2003 | Scott Feschuk

Posted on 09/09/2003 1:43:15 PM PDT by PJ-Comix

Matt was trying to explain how it felt to put his left hand on the naked right breast of a high-priced hooker.

"Instantly, I felt life come into me," he told the television camera, and when he said "me" he clearly meant "a very specific part of me." Matt recalled deploying the counter-measures: He thought of Rosie O'Donnell and of baseball, which is no longer the American pastime but still stands unchallenged as a gender's pre-eminent distracting mental image. He envisioned hitting a home run but, dang it all, when he rounded third he pictured that naked, high-priced hooker waiting for him at home plate. Summing up his attempt to remain at ease, Matt adopted a forlorn visage and remarked: "It didn't work too well."

At this point, you probably have questions. Who is Matt? Why did he have his left hand on the naked right breast of a high-priced hooker? And, more to the point, Rosie O'Donnell? A crisis of that magnitude -- hand, naked breast, high-priced hooker -- demanded the mental imagery of at least Bea Arthur, and quite possibly all three Golden Girls.

The meeting of Matt's left hand and the high-priced hooker's naked right breast occurred during the premiere episode of The Joe Schmo Show, a new series that airs Tuesdays on the U.S. cable channel Spike TV, which brands itself as the First Network for Men. And may I just say: It's about bloody time. For too long now all those other several hundred channels have catered exclusively to women, denying the unfairer sex the opportunity to regard chesty ingenues and live sporting events and chesty ingenues competing in live sporting events. Now, mercifully, there is at last a manly oasis where manly men can watch manly programs that are about, I can only assume, manliness. (Note to editor: Please place preceding three sentences in a special font -- sarcastics.)

Joe Schmo is a parody of reality shows. This sounds simple, but it's made more complex by the fact that during the past couple of years, reality shows have themselves become parodies of reality shows, which means that Joe Schmo is in fact parodying parodies. Spike TV also airs a lot of Star Trek: The Next Generation and I'd imagine that, were he called on to speculate, the android Data might warn that the parodying of parodies could prompt the television universe to collapse upon itself and cause a rupture in the space-time continuum, or at least the brain of a defenceless television critic. And then he'd probably go on about how he's fascinated by humanity and wishes to be more human and golly wouldn't it be interesting to have emotions and you'd have to kind of back slowly into the turbo lift, all the time thinking to yourself: "I should have just asked the freaking Klingon."

So here's the gimmick: The cast of The Joe Schmo Show is, with one exception, made up exclusively of actors. The exception is Matt Kennedy Gould, an amiable, twentywhatever law-school dropout from Pittsburgh who delivers pizza for a living and lives with his parents. Matt thinks he's on a show called Lap of Luxury, on which nine strangers must live together in an opulent mansion, with the victorious contestant winning US$100,000. But everyone else is actually playing a reality show stereotype: Among others, there's the gay guy, the conniving bitch, the virgin, the war veteran and the asshole, who is actually referred to on the show as The Asshole, a brash flaunting of profanity in prime time apparently being a hallmark of the First Network for Men.

The show is both repellent and fascinating, and there's every chance it's fascinating because it's so repellent. Matt is quite possibly the least annoying person ever to be cast on a reality series. He's a nice guy, principled, mannerly, a bit doughier than your typical reality-show mandroid. He's genuinely blown away by the presence of smoked salmon in the lunch buffet. When a fellow "contestant" brings up the topic of the show's jackpot, Matt immediately says he's not in it for the money. He then clarifies: "Getting that money will change my place in life. I've slacked off a lot and a lot of people my age are ahead of me, but ..."

Someone interjects: "So why ARE you here?"

Matt: "Because I have nothing else to do."

From that point on, anyone with even a reasonable facsimile of a heart is going to cringe as a massive, multi-million-dollar infrastructure is deployed for the sole purpose of exposing Matt to ridicule.

So on one hand, you feel just awful for the guy. The other hand, alas, is more likely than not to be wiping away tears of laughter. This is a very funny show. To their credit, the producers have not made it easy on themselves, nor their cast. The conventions of the reality genre are mocked so lustily that there are moments you simply cannot believe that Matt doesn't catch on.

There's the whole Hands on a High-Priced Hooker game, for one. That might have got some folks to suspecting -- although, as we learned, Matt's mind was otherwise occupied at the time. There's the Lord of the Manor Immunity Showdown, on which contestants compete for the right to wear the Pimped Out Immunity Robe. And let's not forget the Riches to Rags Eviction Ceremony, during which the show's host solemnly remarks of the evening's ousted contestant: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, (contestant's name), you're dead to us." At which point he hurls a commemorative plate bearing the contestant's image into a fireplace. Yes, these are what folks in the detective business like to call "clues."

I can't say with any certainty how it will get there, but I think I have a good sense where this program will end up. Given the premise of the series, it seems implausible that the producers would decide on a cash prize of only US$100,000, which is a pittance compared to the Survivor windfall. It's fake money, so why not say the winner gets a million bucks, or two million, or five? I'd wager the reason is that at the end, after the secret is revealed and the abject humiliation captured, they're going to give Matt the money.

And should Matt ever again find his left hand on the naked right breast of a high-priced hooker, and suddenly feel life come into him, he can simply think back on how he felt the minute he found out he was Joe Schmo. A naked Bea Arthur would be positively arousing by comparison


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: joeschmo
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To: jimbo123
This guy is hilarious, he is so over the top..


81 posted on 10/07/2003 10:59:33 AM PDT by the exec
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To: PJ-Comix
I admit I am a huge joe schmo fan. I love it when they kick someone off and throw their plate in the fire.
82 posted on 10/07/2003 11:01:49 AM PDT by hoosierboy
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To: Constitution Day
Hey - Spike TV shows Blind Date, too! Yeeehawawww!
83 posted on 10/07/2003 11:02:50 AM PDT by stainlessbanner
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To: the exec
Kip is my favorite. "Over the Top" doesn't begin to describe him. Have you heard him on those interviews during the show? He sounds so normal, and his voice is so low!

This is the only show on TV that I won't miss.
84 posted on 10/07/2003 11:06:15 AM PDT by LurkerNoMore!
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To: jimbo123
Ditto!

Matt's comment during an interview that went something along the lines of "I hope her parents know she is perfectly built" were right on.

Yep.
85 posted on 10/07/2003 1:10:00 PM PDT by PfromHoGro (I mean hear-hear)
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To: jimbo123
"If he hated Hutch, why did he keep voting to ditch Ashleigh?"

Once he found out how ashly really felt about the "host"(wants him) he realized he would get nowhere with her and there you go.

....you know... "A contestent scorned.."
Hehe.
86 posted on 10/07/2003 1:15:21 PM PDT by CygnusXI (Where's that dang Meteor already?)
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To: jimbo123
I believe that to be Matt's one Machiavellian moment. He turned on Ashleigh the moment she mentioned she had a crush on the host. The producers wanted to nip his budding interest in Ashleigh in the bud, I don't know why. But his attitude changed the second she told him she liked the host. Yep, he's as normal as can be. And I believe the only reason he hasn’t shown specific interest in Molly (good golly) is that she has a boyfriend. Class to the end.
87 posted on 10/07/2003 1:24:04 PM PDT by PfromHoGro (This thread is great, I've been afraid to even ask people if they're watching JS)
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To: Skip Ripley
I'm convinced that the show is a ruse. Matt is in on it with the producers and they are running a game on the actors.

If it is a ruse then Matt is the GREATEST actor who ever lived. I think it is legit. However, his eyerolling during the eviction ceremonies does seem a bit overboard but I do know people like that in real life. REMEMBER, they probably interviewed HUNDREDS of people to find the right one. They definitely needed someone gullible, expressive, plus likeable.

88 posted on 10/07/2003 2:58:18 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: January24th
Joe Schmo is MUCH BETTER and FUNNIER than Joe Millionaire. That guy on Joe Millionaire just came off as a dope and not particularly likeable.
89 posted on 10/07/2003 3:02:42 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: billbears
Watched about 20 minutes of an episode. This has to be absolutely the worst thing on television, and that's saying something when shows like Survivor and the Bachelor actually have followings. This show is nothing more than seeing what they can get on TV, bad language, and playing off someone that is supposed to be a sap. No one is that dumb.

You're judging a whole show just by watching 20 minutes? Bad language? Ummm....they BLEEPED the bad language so your precious ears wouldn't be offended. As for Joe Schmo being that gullible....yeah, he IS that gullible.

90 posted on 10/07/2003 3:05:31 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: jimbo123
“Where do the butterflies go in the winter? Maybe their love will keep them warm “…To gaze upon your golden hair, your lovely hazel eyes. We’ll make good choices together, If we laugh or if we cry. You’re a vision of God’s grand design, A dove that’s pure and free, Molly, Cupcake, You’re the girl for me.”

Yeah, that guy playing the ultra square boyfriend of Molly was HILARIOUS. And there really are guys that square.

91 posted on 10/07/2003 3:07:37 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: Skip Ripley
They need to bring Hutch back to get Molly drunk so he can nail her.

Don't worry. Hutch WILL be back in tonight's episode (I spotted him in the preview). This will really tick Matt off.

92 posted on 10/07/2003 3:09:09 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: the exec
Yeah, the actor playing the gay guy should win an Emmy for his role. I really cracked up when he angrily slammed his photo album filled with pics of Hutch's butt on the pool table screaming "WHO DID THIS?!!!"
93 posted on 10/07/2003 3:12:17 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: hoosierboy
I love it when they kick someone off and throw their plate in the fire.

"Ashes to ashes,
Dust to Dust,
Earl---You're dead to us!"

94 posted on 10/07/2003 3:13:33 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: PJ-Comix
I starting watching Joe Schmo because I thought the guy was a dork and it was funny watching him get manipulated by the cast and producers. But now my opinion has changed and I'm really rooting for him. He's shown some real character in several instances. He gave Doctor Pat his Tahiti trip. He was sticking up for the gay guy who was getting tortured by "Hush". My wife and I were stunned when he told Ashleigh and Molly to work out their problems with the host. I'm really interested in seeing how things work out and I hope he gets the money and nails Molly or Ashleigh or both.
95 posted on 10/07/2003 3:34:06 PM PDT by jimbo123
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To: January24th
If they played it totally like some lame high-school creeps who cop a prank just to belittle someone, I'd have turned it off early on.

Agreed, Mate. I originally watched the show because the promos for it seemed like a deliciously ironic tweak to the entertainment industry about the tripe they have been spewing for so long with all the 'reality' shows, and then I also became curious to see just how different the various scenes and situations differed from a 'real', primetime 'reality show'. It is really interesting attempting to judge the events as they occur and wonder: "Now if this was an 'actual' commercially-sponsored 'reality show', would the 'real' people act any different, or even THINK to accuse the other people that they were only 'actors'?

Then I started paying attention to Matt. This has got to be one of the most decent, kind, straight-arrow, stick-up-for-you blokes I have ever laid eyes on! This is just one of the nicest guys in the world, and no wonder the producers and cast are so stunned with him!

I hope he finds so much good fortune coming to him from that show. I can think of very few others that deserve it more.

96 posted on 10/07/2003 4:43:24 PM PDT by Utilizer
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To: Utilizer
Heads up! Joe Schmo will be airing in just a few minutes. Methinks tonight's episode will be HILARIOUS because of the return of Hutch.
97 posted on 10/07/2003 5:57:09 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Ahnold Groped Eva Braun While Popping 100 Painkillers Per Day!!!)
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To: Senator Pardek
3 minutes 'till showtime.

You KNOW you want cable.
98 posted on 10/07/2003 5:58:10 PM PDT by LurkerNoMore!
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To: Senator Pardek
If you contribute to the Freepathon, maybe I'll send you a tape.
99 posted on 10/07/2003 6:00:36 PM PDT by LurkerNoMore!
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To: PJ-Comix
Saw my first episode the other night where the a$$hole gets kicked for 'threats'.
Too funny.
The beauty of it is everyone is trying to be sincere so even if they screw up, it's cool because Matt figures they're just second guessing themselves.
The guitar player from Wisconsin was an absolute riot. Handcuffs. Bikini. The whole bit.
100 posted on 10/07/2003 6:03:54 PM PDT by dyed_in_the_wool ("I don't know how you survived, slave. It doesn't matter. Prepare to terminate." -- Sark)
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