Robert Anton Wilson is running for Governor of the Republic of California (Guns and Dope Party)

RAW Website ^ | Sept 3 2003 | Robert Anton Wilson

[adam_az]

(Robert Anton Wilson is the author of "Illuminatus Trilogy" and many other books)

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Position Paper #1

After refusing many pleas to run for governor, I have reconsidered and now enter the race as an unofficial write-in candidate. After all, why shd I remain the ONLY nut in California who ain't running?

My party, the Guns and Dope Party, invites extremists of both right and left to unite behind the shared goals of

1) Get those pointy-headed Washinton bureaucrats off our backs and off our fronts too!

2) guns for everybody who wants them; no guns for those who don't want them

3) drugs for everybody who wants them; no drugs for those who don't want them

4) freedom of choice, free love, free speech, free Internet and free beer

5) California secession -- Keep the anti--gun and ant-dope fanatics on the Eastern side of the Rockies

6) Lotsa wild parties every night by gun-toting dopers

7) Animal protection -- Support your right to keep and arm bears

More position papers will follow; we know at least 69 good positions

Robert Anton Wilson Guns and Dope Party

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GOD AND TSARDOM 03 September 2003 e.v. Robert Anton Wilson

Tsarism represents an intermediate form between European monarchism and Asian despotism, being, possibly, closer to the latter of these two. -- Leon Trotsky, Russia's Social Development and Tsarism

The Guns & Dope Party wants to abolish Tsarism and restore constitutional democracy in the California Republic. If our example inspires the other 49 states, so much the better.

Why do we oppose Tsarism? How does the U.S. drug Tsar function?

Allegedly, this omniscient official knows what drugs, herbs, compounds etc. you should use for your medical problems better than your doctor knows!!!!!! Even more magically, the Tsar knows this without doing any physical examination of you, blood pressure readings, other scientific tests etc. that your doctor does, and often from a distance of 3000 miles -- and the Tsar does it without even looking at you. The Tsar doesn't even know if you have hangnail or cancer, AIDS or flu, belong to the senior set or haven't even reached voting age yet. He can't even classify you as male, female or undecided.

In short, the Tsar knows nothing about you or your medical problems, by ordinary data, but he still know more about your medical care than your doctor knows, by some supernatural means unknown to mere mortals.

This makes sense if and only if we have a devout faith that our Tsar, like the Russian Tsars of olde, receives guidance directly from "God." No other, less spooky explanation fits the claims made by Tsardom.

The government accordingly spends more and more of our tax money financing "faith-based organizations." Without faith we might relapse into scientific or rational thinking, which leads by a slippery slope toward constitutional democracy.

[Dead Corpse]

I wonder where all the Supersonic Aluminum Nazi Hell Creatures are at to denounce such blatant freedom?

Make a Love Offering

Or just send it to me and I'll make sure Jesus gets it.

[Dead Corpse]

If you close your eyes, the Fnord won't see you.

[Poohbah]

Yeah, but...

WWHCD?

[Califcon]

The Fundamentalist Christians have told me that I am a slave of Satan and should have the demons expelled with an exorcism. The Fundamentalist Materialists inform me that I am a liar, a charlatan, fraud and scoundrel. Aside from this minor difference, the letters are astoundingly similar. Both groups share in the same crusading zeal and the same total lack of humor, charity, and common human decency. These intolerable cults have served to confirm me in my agnosticism by presenting further evidence to support my contention that when dogmas enter the brain, all intellectual activity ceases. Cosmic Trigger

[HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity]

It may be too late to rescue California from the Illuminoids.
[IRONY, SARCASM alert]

If Batman had run for president in 1968 we might have had a chance.
"Holy Hoodwink, Batman!"

[Dead Corpse]

What Would Harley Chalmers Drink? Just about anything you put in front of him probably....

[Mr. Mojo]

My $23 donation is in the mail, amigo.

[Poohbah]

Actually, I was TRYING to say:

"What Would Hagbard Celine Do?" (c8

[Mr. Mojo]

Hard to say, but he surely wouldn't whistle while he's pissing.

[Dead Corpse]

My daughter is not quite three weeks old. She'll probably be a year by the time Jesus gets off his skinny a$$ and sends her her membership card. ;-)

[adam_az]

There is the "Log Cabin Republican Caucus," sad that there isn't a "Bongwater Republicans" caucus.

[Mr. Mojo]

(((Bong)))

(That ping should bring a few of them Supersonic Aluminum Nazi Hell Creatures around to this thread ;)

[Mr. Mojo]

"Everybody understands Mickey Mouse.
Few understand Hermann Hesse.
Hardly anybody understands Einstein.
And nobody understands Emperor Norton."

- Malaclypse the Younger, K.S.C.

[Dead Corpse]

Nope. Them there varmints would be Green Energy Demons. Slack-sucking chupacabra crossbreeds. Although I expected at least one Schwa to show up by now.

[Little Ray]

Well, darn. I kinda like his platform. Needs to come out for lower taxes and less OSHA/EPA/EOC interference in business. Maybe renewed oil drilling off the coast, too.
But how is he gonna pay for the free beer?

[bc2]

give me slack or kill me. f*ck 'em if they can't take a joke!

[perfect stranger]

That "Illuminatus Trilogy" was one of the strangest books I've ever read. I might have to read it again.

[Billthedrill]

...sad that there isn't a "Bongwater Republicans" caucus.

There is. They just keep forgetting where they left their platform.

[Mr. Mojo]

"Guns and Dope Bump"

[Doc On The Bay]

The "Illuminatus Trilogy" MAY BE one of the GREAT PHILOSOPHICAL TREATUSES of our Age. Or, Conversely, it may be one of the Best "Hoodwinks" of ANY age!

That's the FUN of it!!

Personally, I would NEVER let RAW run ANYTHING affecting my Life; but I would go to Him for guidance in ANY endeavor!

RAW is a National Treasure!! He is a Cultural Treasure worth Guarding & Protecting--His Thoughts (& the Thoughts of Those he Preserves & Promulgates) are a Deep "Cross-Section" of American Intellectual Thought (& "Counter-Thought") over the past 25 years.

I have known Fighter Pilots who take his Work Quite Seriously!

RAW is TOO GOOD to be California's next Governor.

Doc