How poignantly (and truly) you have put it.
And even more cruel than denying Terri flowers and visits is the husband's denial of physical therapy to her.
Several experts have testified that Terri could have a chance at rehabilitation if she were allowed to have aggressive therapy.
I'm reminded of the actress Patricia Neal, and the struggle she had to go through after suffering a series of strokes. It took years, but eventually she recovered her ability to speak, and nearly all else she had lost.
If Neal's husband had refused therapy for her, she would never have recovered.
In late February 1965, this shocking newspaper headline flashed around the world: "Film Actress Patricia Neal Dies from Stroke at 39."[But Neal was not dead]...a congenital aneurysm had burst in her brain. After the operation, Neal showed no sign of coming out of her coma.
Three weeks later, she was finally able to gently squeeze her husbands hand. That was the first bit of hope that I would actually survive, says Neal.
As Neal regained consciousness, she was horrified to discover she couldnt speak or understand conversation. She was seeing double and she was totally paralyzed on her right side.
...I was a divine patient until I got home, says Neal. It was only then that I realized how utterly debilitated I was...
Like a toddler, she had to learn to speak and walk. And the feelings of alienation and worthlessness were devastating. I found myself hating the doctor who saved my life, hating God, my husband and hating myself for hating."
Neal and her husband found there was a life-saving utility to her rage. Were all made up differently, but my anger stirred my resolve to get better.
Patients see that Im not perfect. I dont walk well, cant see out of the side of my right eye... but Im still up and around...
I have to credit my now ex-husband Roald for really shoving me into my rehabilitation, says Neal. He used my anger to push and push and push me to work my body and my mind with the help of various therapists.
While Neal was still pregnant, the family moved back to England. Her therapy continued... By then, though, the initial fuel of her rage had burned out, and what Winston Churchill called the black dog of depression began to claw menacingly at her door.
"What was hurting me most was that I had lost my place in my childrens lives, says Neal. So Neals husband devised an informal system and schedule that kept Neals body and mind occupied every minute of everywaking day. Neighbors and friends were constantly with me,says Neal, walking, cooking, playing board games to help my coordination and other activities that would force me to try speaking even the most simple words.
Then Lucy Neal Dahl was born at 8:23 a.m. August 4, 1965 169 days after Neals stroke...
Even with that joyful and uneventful birth, the fangs of Neals depression wouldnt let go. It was even more apparent to me after Lucy was born that I didnt consider myself a competent homemaker or mother but the lessons for my recovery carried on."
Her speech and reading continued to improve slowly. I described everything as either very good or evil. Thats what a great conversationalist I was at the time, says Neal.
...A new person was about to cross her threshold and prove that Neal could accomplish more than she could ever dream. Valerie Eaton-Griffith suddenly came into my life, and we began to work together, says Neal. She was brilliant in the mind, and I, clearly, was not.
A special bond quickly developed between the two. Wed playbridge and croquet and read plays together. She was a magnificent teacher. I cant describe the connection, but for the first time, she made me believe that all the help Id received from my friends and family was going to pay off in wonderful and unexpected ways.
Even the most miraculous of opportunities often are met with skepticism and even outright fear...Acting offers unexpectedly began to trickle in, remembers Neal. Unbelievably, I was tentatively offered the role of Mrs.Robinson in The Graduate. While no one couldve been more perfect than Anne Bancroft, I was simply too terrified to entertain the initial proposition. I simply had no faith I could pull it off.
Next, came an offer from Peter Sellers for a role in Whats New Pussycat? Again, Neal turned it down.
Then came the film adaptation of the Pulitzer-winning play,The Subject Was Roses. It was 1968, only three years and endless struggles from her dance with death. She was to play opposite Jack Albertson and mother to a young Martin Sheen. The part was perfect like putting on her best head-turning dress.
Neal balked again.How did I get the guts to do it? I didnt want to do it at all. It was my husband, God bless him, who insisted, Youre gonna do it. Youre going to work!"
And work she did, reluctantly at first. I started out on the film more than a little grumpy, says Neal. But by the third day, I was showing a little interest, and toward the end I adored it. Having the courage to act again was the largest victory in the rehabilitation process for me.
Her courage was rewarded. Neal received an Academy Award nomination for her performance, and her busy and acclaimed acting career was suddenly rejuvenated.
I came to realize that I could do anything with help, says Neal.
In 1978, the Fort Sanders Regional Medical Center in her hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee, dedicated the Patricia Neal Rehabilitation Center (PNRC) in her honor. Since then, the PNRC has served almost 20,000 inpatients and more nearly than 30,000 outpatients as they learn to walk, talk, eat and live independently following a stroke, brain injury, spinal cord injuries or other traumas.
Its a fabulous hospital, says Neal. I visit several times a year, because I believe people want to see what you can come to if you work hard.
Patients see that Im not perfect. I dont walk well, cant see out of the side of my right eye, and my hand can be uncooperative, but Im still up and around, says Neal.
Of course, I have my little speech, adds Neal. Its so important that you work on your rehabilitation. You need people to push you for a long time.
The magic is that we now understand that recovery never ceases and patients and their families can take strength in knowing that how you start out after a stroke is not the end of your life story.
For information, call 1 (800) PAT NEAL or go to www.patneal.org