NewsHax wire -- President Bush announced Monday he is creating a new high-level government post to reverse Americas spiraling unemployment trend. According to Bush political advisors, America is hemorrhaging jobs. Most horrifying to Bush's advisors, job losses are mainly occuring in states crucial to Bush's re-election, prompting a real action from the president.
To fill the post, Bush announced the appointment of Ronald
McDonald, whom he touts as being "more responsible for more American jobs than any man, or clown, alive." Bush lauded his choice of Employment Mczar further, saying that "Mr. McDonald is a can-doer and will provide the American people with jobs. He's got job applications with him now in fact. That is plain talk you can take to the bank, along with your $200 paycheck."
"America means starting at the bottom and proving yourself, and we will be providing lot's of opportunities for Americans to start at the bottom, beginning today," the president concluded.
Bush later said the creation of his Jobs Mczar because the nation has
lost "thousands of jobs in manufacturing." Actually, the the U.S.
economy has lost 2.7 million jobs since Bush took office, 2.4 million jobs in manufacturing alone. The downturn has eliminated more than one in 10 of the nation's factory jobs and left Bush holding the possible distinction of being the first president since Hoover to end his term with less jobs than he started it with.
Following standard and time-tested emergency economic procedures, the president blamed the problem on foreigners, citing cheaper labor markets overseas. He suggested that we can bridge the wage gap with the rest of the world by simply creating lower wage jobs. "Once our lost jobs see that our hourly wages are down, they will come running back. I know economics."
...we expect there to be
a fair playing field when it comes to trade. We are ready to slap
some more steel tariffs down on your asses if you don't believe us...
Bush press masters later clarified the presidents position,
"By creating millions of minimum wage jobs, we will bring average
American wages down and then the rest of the world will see us as
their cheap labor market. Jobs come back, key election states
statistically look better, and we get re-elected by selling our
job creation record. Although median wages will only be a fraction
of what they were just 4 years ago because we will replace $20 an
hour jobs with $5 an hour jobs, the campaign issue America cares
about is more jobs, and if we create more jobs, we win. That's
the plain, honest talk America likes to hear."
"One way to make sure that the manufacturing sector does well is
to send a message overseas, (to) say, look, we expect there to be
a fair playing field when it comes to trade. We are ready to slap
some more steel tariffs down on your asses you don't believe us,"
Bush said.
