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A friend of mine lost his 27 year old brother to a drunk driver several years ago. He remembers thinking about his brother, "Now he has all the answers." (A funny thing about his brother--ever since he was a teenager, he said he knew he'd never live beyond 30. And not long before his death, he got a life insurance policy on himself. Strange, huh?)

Try not to fret over not saying what you think you ought to have said...your brothers know how you feel about them. They probably knew before, but they definitely know now.

My mom and I talked about this sort of thing after 9/11. We agreed that we know how we feel about each other, so if something were to happen to either of us, we'd not worry ourselves about what we should've or could've said to the other.

Well, my brother drowned himself.

Interestingly, a few weeks before he did it, he sent me a letter that puzzled me when I received it. All he said was, "I just want to tell you what a beautiful person I think you've become." It was completely out of the blue, and I remember thinking it was really strange - but I was young and I just didn't pick up on what it signaled.

He knew what he was planning, and that was his way of saying goodbye to me - I'm sure of it now. I've wondered before if he had opened my card if he might have changed his mind, because in it, I told him that I couldn't wait to spend the upcoming holidays with him. But he never got to see it. I was too late. (And maybe it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.)

Maybe it would be worse if I knew he had read it and gone through with it anyway - I'm not sure.

Anyway, Carlo's words are wise. (I'm glad you've worked all that out with your family though...that is good. I've told friends and family similar things.)