If you wish to be rich, lower your standards and you'll become rich overnight.'
/
Posted on 08/19/2003 10:33:27 AM PDT by new cruelty
DALLAS - (KRT) - Standing on a street corner in Coppell, Texas, last winter, Sheila Wessenberg questioned her sanity as she turned desperately toward a line of cars, held out a coffee can and prayed that someone would drop money in it.
"There is just no other way," she remembers telling herself. "This is what you've got to do."
A suburban mother of two, Wessenberg breathed in exhaust fumes, dodged impatient drivers and netted $13 that day. When she ran into the nearby Tom Thumb to spend the money on potatoes, milk and coffee, she says it felt as though everyone in the grocery store was watching her.
"Of course, they had just seen me out there on the corner begging for money so people were curious about what I was buying," she recalls. "The store seemed much quieter than normal. It was like something cosmic happened to me. It was so weird."
Desperation can be a disorienting journey when you've always lived a middle-class life.
Wessenberg, 44, says she resorted to panhandling because there was no other way to feed her children after her husband lost his job. But her desperate act may be something more - a sign perhaps - that the so-called American dream is going seriously awry for some families.
"It just got really, really bad," she recalls – until it got to the point where neither she nor her husband was sleeping anymore.
"We'd gotten to the point where we were living on credit cards," recalls Bob Wessenberg, her husband of almost eight years. "That's when you know you're pretty near the bottom. When the credit card bills catch up to you, you're done."
So swallowing her pride, Sheila Wessenberg spent eight Sundays last winter panhandling on suburban street corners. She got good enough at it that she netted about $15 an hour, just enough for groceries.
What her donors couldn't know was that the smiling woman - toting a can labeled "Not a bum. I'm a mom, please help" - had been through hell before she planted herself on that street corner.
In the previous year, Wessenberg had been diagnosed with breast cancer. After her husband lost his six-figure job, she had to stop chemotherapy treatments. There was no way the family could afford health insurance when the premiums jumped to $837 a month. Her doctor gave her 18 months to live.
"More than once, I asked God, `What did I do to deserve this?'" Sheila Wessenberg says.
Public begging was a last resort in a long and painful process of dismantling their previous life. First, they liquidated his pension plan and cashed in their stock portfolio. Then they moved out of an expensive condominium in Las Colinas, Texas. And, finally, they sold off nonessentials such as her fur coat and jewelry, any furniture with value and even their washer and dryer.
Friends and family did what they could, say the Wessenbergs. But there was nothing, short of a good job, that would stop the family's downward spiral.
"It just breaks your heart watching them go through all this," says her close friend Tonya Perrine. "Sheila is the strongest person I've ever met."
Sheila Wessenberg's mother and six siblings have tried to be supportive from afar, sending money when they had it, visiting whenever possible.
"We'd love it if Sheila would move back here," says her mother, Sheila Sabbagh, who lives on Staten Island in New York City. "But things have changed since she left here 14 years ago. And we know that Sheila loves being in Texas. She won't give up on what she wants. She is quite a fighter."
A native of Brooklyn, N.Y., Wessenberg says she is resisting the temptation to return to New York City with her family. She worries about being forced to ride in the overcrowded subway again and live in claustrophobic conditions. Whatever comfort her husband and children might derive from being near other relatives would be diminished by such a dramatic culture change, she fears.
"The quality of life in Texas is much better," Wessenberg says firmly. "We just have to hope that the next time that phone rings it will be a job that turns all this around."
There have been some high points in the months of struggling to keep food on the table. In the midst of her panhandling effort, Wessenberg shared her family's story with a San Francisco freelance writer, who was compiling a book about 41 uninsured Americans - a group meant to represent the 41 million people in the United States who have no health insurance.
In the book, "Denied: The Crisis of America's Uninsured," author Julie Winokur wrote that "the Wessenbergs are running out of time and options." (The book was published in April and is available online at talkingeyesmedia.org for $10.)
The family's hard-luck story was plucked from the book, along with photographs showing Sheila Wessenberg panhandling, and was published in The New York Times Magazine on Feb. 9. Almost immediately, the Wessenbergs were inundated with phone calls of support, cards and letters containing cash and the promise of larger donations that would cover their house payments and other bills for a time.
As wonderful as the outpouring was, it forced the Wessenbergs to acknowledge how desperately they needed the money. "I've never asked for charity before. That's a fact," Bob Wessenberg stresses. "It's not a good feeling. But sometimes, there are no options."
Along with money, well-wishers sent groceries, clothing and toys. A Canadian company offered free chemo drugs if Sheila Wessenberg needs to take them again. And someone anonymously sent a new washer and dryer to their house.
Pretty soon, it was clear that the Wessenbergs were basking in their proverbial "15 minutes of fame," complete with the couple's appearance on the "Today" show in March. Asked on national television if she would panhandle again if her family needed money, Sheila Wessenberg responded: "You bet. To save my family, to go out and feed my kids, I sure would – in a heartbeat."
While she hasn't gone back to panhandling, it is not because their lives have returned to normal. In fact, six months after the national publicity about their plight, the Wessenbergs are still heavily dependent on the generosity of strangers.
"We saved our house," Sheila Wessenberg says of their now caught-up mortgage payments. "The American public has come to our rescue in a major way."
But the generosity of strangers has not eased Bob Wessenberg's desperate search for the kind of job that would stabilize the family's situation. Each month, it seems, he lowers his expectations as he applies for every possible opening, including sales positions at local retail outlets.
Despite repeated phone calls, nothing promising has materialized.
"They read my resume and they figure if they hired me, I'd be gone in three weeks if something better came up," says the long-time computer programmer, who is certified to operate Lotus Notes, software used by businesses for messaging and document sharing.
But there are glimmers of hope. Bob Wessenberg signed a two-month contract in June to provide computer support at TXU Corp. "We can tread water as long as the contract lasts," he says. If the contract is not renewed, however, he will again be looking for a job.
It would be easy to blame the economy for his lingering unemployment. But Bob Wessenberg's fears go much deeper. He's worried that he has reached an age – 52 – that means snagging a well-paying permanent job with full insurance benefits may no longer be possible in his field.
Although he's well groomed and physically fit, Wessenberg doesn't try to disguise his graying hair. He wonders if his appearance automatically eliminates him from competition with younger workers.
"If they're looking at a guy who's 52 years old and wants a full-time job," he says, "and a guy in his 30s or 40s, it's tough to get anyone to listen to you."
While Wessenberg has landed a series of temporary jobs, usually earning between $11 and $14 an hour, they don't come close to paying for the comfortable life the Wessenbergs once knew, or even the scaled-down version they've been living for the past 18 months.
Although the Wessenbergs were able to buy a small house in Coppell a year ago with no down payment, they can afford to use the air-conditioning only sparingly and have learned to ignore the serious repair work the house needs. Last winter, they scoured the neighborhood for tree limbs to burn in the living-room fireplace, instead of using the furnace. They cut corners at every conceivable financial turn.
"I can now feed a family of four for $1.50," Sheila Wessenberg says with her usual blend of pride and humor that has cushioned the family's fall from the middle class.
For her part, Wessenberg works one day a week doing payroll records for a local company and spends most of her time taking care of 3-year-old Alex, who suffers from autism, and his 6-year-old sister, Amy.
"I have a handicapped child that one of us needs to be with at all times," Sheila Wessenberg says, explaining why she has not sought full-time work. However, she will grab periodic temp jobs when she hears of them.
As to her own health, Wessenberg prefers to remain optimistic. She was alive and healthy in June - the month she could have died had her doctor's 18-month survival prediction come true.
But when she returned recently from a visit to Dr. Dennis Costa at the Lake Vista Cancer Center in Lewisville, she didn't feel as positive as she'd hoped she would. The long-awaited visit and tests, which were free under an arrangement by the nonprofit Bridge Breast Network, are inconclusive, at best.
"All the blood work came back normal," Wessenberg says. "But one of the scans found a spot on my lung and my liver. The doctor couldn't say if it was cancer, but I'll go back for another scan in September. We're hoping it doesn't mean anything."
So she went home from the doctor's office that day and washed her kitchen floor, trying to put the test out of her mind.
"My house is a mess, and I've got laundry to do," she says. "God doesn't take people who have housework to do. Somebody's got to do it."
I'm sorry to hear this. I hope things work out for you. Maybe someone on freerepublic, who lives in your area, might have some leads on a job or work. Good luck!
Hello, there are some of us living a frugal lifestyle not only because we don't approve of excess but also for something as simple as it's an accepted result from the priorities we've made. Living within a strict budget is a whole lot easier when one makes it into a game.
Well good for you. I did that for years. I still do it.
Yes, it is very possible to clothe a child for <$30 and send them to school just as well dressed as the wealthier crowd. Ya know, window shopping is very rewarding and super fun to the kids when they see their latest garage sale outfit at a boutique for $$$, lol. We don't know what her lot's size is but mine is only 60' wide which is plenty for a garden that produces enough to help suppliment the food bill throughout the year by freezing (requires a freezer), home canning (a one time $15 investment for garage sale canner/pressure cooker and jars, and $3 new lids), and dehydrating ($10 garage sale dehydrator or homemade for free). Most cities, and being in TX myself, I'm fairly sure her codes allow for a few chickens for meat and eggs.
When my oldest girls were little, I sewed most of their clothes. My folks helped out with the shoes and the underthings. Thrift stores were a mainstay, except for my ex, who had to look presentable. Here's a hint....make sure you go to yard sales on the other side of town. Don't buy anything for your kids that looks hand made. Nevermind why : (
Home canning is uneconomical, and potentially dangerous. I tried growing vegetables in a climate just as hostile as Texas. All that grew were tough as nails zuchinni, and bugs that I never knew existed. I stock up my freezer with day old bread and half price meat. I buy dented canned items. I use coupons. My utility bills eat up my savings. The harder I try, the more things go wrong. More people here can identify with that statement than yours.
Nope, that woman doesn't have the first clue. My folks went through the depression. I was their only child...after they gave up because of their ages :) They saved EVERYTHING. It got to be ridiculous. My dad taught me how to be a cheapskate at the grocery store, my mom taught me to sew. I taught myself to crochet gifts for the holidays. My parents were a team, however. That was not the case in my situation.
She may not have the gas money for garage sailing. Standing still with a coffee can is cheaper and expends much less energy. Where the heck does everyone get that figure of 15 bucks an hour? I color my hair. I went back to school after my divorce, but one thing that I know...at 43, I'm toast in the job market unless I can disguise my age until they hire me(photcopy my driver's license, etc). The Monster.com job board has tips to hide your age and what to say, and what not to say. For instance, try not to mention that you were a stay at home mother. Don't put down what year you graduated from high school. All kinds of fun ways to snag that 10 dollar an hour job.
It's great to be prudent. The man bought his wife a fur coat in good times....because he loves her. My mom has a full length mink hanging in the closet, which isn't doing her any good because she has Alzheimer's and dementia. I don't think fur goes especially well with Levis, so it will sit there. My parents scrimped and saved, now everything they worked so hard for is being swallowed up by probate lawyers and out of pocket medical expenses.
You are blessed to have a clear head and good luck. You get sick, or stressed out(and I mean stressed), and you can't think. Having a kid with special needs on top of it, and you can get spun. You do stupid things, like panhandle and agree to interviews...
I wish you and your family continued good fortune.
Yeah she should have bought moon pies and RC Cola.
How, by spamming? You wouldn't happen to be running informercials at 2am on my local tv channel? Are you one of those twin midgets (my bad, vertically challenged) hawking ways to get rich off of foreclosed real estate, are you?
No moon pie or RC cola.....just the "typical" BS of the story gives it away as something "cultural" .... something so typically whiny and wussy can only come from the states that gave us "squeegie" men, restrictive gun laws, Boxer, Schumer, Feinstein, Hillary and nipple to mouth government.
Hmmm … a 52 year-old-programmer making >$100,000 in Texas, whose main skill was Lotus Notes ??? Makes me go Hmmm, too.
Hmm. I wonder if there is some way I could make money reading and posting articles on Free Republic. : )
Well where I live you could have purchased 2 bags of carrots or 4 cans of soup or 4 loaves of bread or 2 lbs. of tomatoes and I could get even more if I looked for sales.
Priorities matter and they matter even more when Money is tight! We feed a family of three (plus another adult for lunch each work day) on 150.00 a month!
The family in the article is said to have had a six figure income. if I understand this correctly that means over 100,000. a year! It would take us nearly 5 years for our (me and Mrs. Dawgg's) combined paychecks to equal that one year's paycheck. Yet we could both go 5 years (or longer) without a job and survive quite easily. All because we got our priorities in order long ago.
I've watched friends go through nearly the same thing as these folks in the article. They just couldn't understand why they didn't have any money left at the end of the month.
They asked me for help so I walked them out to their garage and showed them their TWO new SUVs they financed (over 35K each), pointed to their Abercrombe and Fitch clothes and did a once over of their grocery bill and explained what the problem was. All of the stuff mentioned was bought on credit, all of the stuff mentioned are considered liabilities. They were blowing money right and left on stuff that would not put a dime in their pocket. They had a crisis of priorities!
The family mentioned had a crisis of priorities long before they lost the job! They gambled the money train would never stop. They apparently lived an extravagant lifestyle with no thought to a contingency plan for bad times.
I hate to break this bad news to you all but layoffs happen! Further if you don't have the ability to go two or three years (or longer) without a job and still feed your family and maintain your assets then you are dancing on a razor blade.
If you are down to beggin for money on the street then you've definitely need to focus on necessities. Coffee is not a necessity at that point. It is a luxury. Take that two bucks and either buy more food or better yet invest in something that will make you more money.
That takes me back. I grew up in a small Texas town (hint- self proclaimed home of the world's largest pecan). I remember almost everyone in the neighborhood had a vegetable garden and some type of livestock. My grandparents lived down the street and I would see them every day. They had chicken coops, a pig pen, and even a tank for fish. And this was within the city limits of this small Texas town. They also owned some land just outside of the city and raised cattle, pigs, and sometimes even turkeys (though if I recall, turkeys have a habit of drowning themselves when it rains). I remember helping my family slaughter livestock and prepare the meat (sausage, jerky, skirt steak). I remember fishing in the river that ran through our back yard. Sigh. That was a long time ago and of course, everything is different now. I had not really thought back on how we lived until I read your post.
What the hell am I doing in New Jersey?! :)
I have to go call my grandparents now. : )
If you wish to be rich, lower your standards and you'll become rich overnight.'
/
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.