"In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife.
Then on page two, the trouble starts." -- Jay Leno.
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"Hillary Clinton has finished her memoirs for publication next year, while Bill has barely finished the first chapter.
Well, in all fairness, fiction is a lot harder to write." -- Jay Leno.
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"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first party in her new home in Washington. People said it was a lot like the parties she used to host at the White House.
In fact, even the furniture was the same." -- Jay Leno.
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"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful.
Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it." -- Jay Leno.
Jay Leno: "A man in Arkansas woke up from a 19 year coma yesterday and started talking. He was in a coma for 19 years. He still thinks it's 1984, which in Arkansas is pretty close."
"In fact, they said today the only other person in Arkansas that didn't know what was happening for 19 years was, of course, Hillary Clinton."