To: Cincinatus' Wife
In The beginning, God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, You want chocolate with that? And Man said Oh Yeah. And Woman said, and another one with sprinkles. And they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 10.
So God said, Try my fresh green salad.
And Satan presented Thousand-Island and Creamy Ranch Dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them.
And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then brought running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds.
And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and gained more pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so the Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonald s and it s 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, You want fries with that? And Man replied, Oh Yeah! And super-size 'em. And Satan said, It is good. And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs
7 posted on
07/25/2003 3:23:50 AM PDT by
Keith in Iowa
(Tag line produced using 100% post-consumer recycled ethernet packets,)
To: Keith in Iowa
Then, using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Creme. And Satan said, You want chocolate with that? And Man said Oh Yeah. hahaha..I'm bedeviled...pass the donuts, please. :)
18 posted on
07/25/2003 4:34:05 AM PDT by
skinkinthegrass
(Just because you're paranoid,doesn't mean they aren't out to get you. :)
To: Keith in Iowa
lol - nicely done, bravo!
20 posted on
07/25/2003 4:42:46 AM PDT by
FreedomPoster
(this space intentionally blank)
To: Keith in Iowa
Good one!!
31 posted on
07/25/2003 5:09:38 AM PDT by
Maria S
To: Keith in Iowa; RJayneJ
Hilarious. Did you write that yourself? If so, I nominate it for Essay of the Week!
To: Keith in Iowa
Don't forget the crutons.
Bump!
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