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It seems logical that people with such a rough background might not choose or be accepted by sweet, meek virginal little suburban angel-girls.

You'd be surprised. I often wondered how a two-time loser with more tattoos than the illustrated man could end up with the head cheerleader. But it was more the rule than the exception.

Any woman who would contemplate marrying some of the guys you describe as part of your congregation are probably pretty tough cookies before the marriage and might have been around the block a few times.

See my comment above. Before I witnessed this phenomenon, I was inclined to dismiss out of hand the notion that women like bad guys, that they like to be abused, that somehow it's a turn-on for them. After my years as a lay counselor, I'm not nearly so dismissive of this as before.

I think you have to admit that your church is a little unusual.

We have all ethnic, religious, social and professional backgrounds in our congregation. Anyone visiting our church would believe in the melting pot again. And wasn't it Jesus who said "Those are are not sick have no need for a physician."?

It's my hope that the average Christian guy who goes to a large church with a submitted spirit and persistent prayer is going to find a worthy mate, sooner or later--if, that is, it's the Lord's will.

And here I thought the Cross was the great equalizer, the practical answer to multiculturalism. Unfortunately this notion that some Christians are more typical than others is the new hot trend in the 21st century church. It might explain a lot of the turmoil I saw in the troubled marriages that came my way.

Of course, I never saw the successful ones, so what do I know.

I guess your experience--the cheerleaders marrying the Hell's Angels--really does show that opposites attract. Women do find themselves attracted to the dangerous bad boy, if only because we hope, at an instinctive level, that a big tough guy can protect us. And men in some cases want to have that petite golden fluffy sheltie of a girl who seems innocent and adorable. Little do men suspect that some of the most angelic of blondes has a core of steel.

As far as your church being unusual: you did give the impression that most of the people there were those who had been through the criminal justice system. I had the image of a group of thirteen thousand ex-cons, ex-addicts,and other very troubled types. It's good to hear that your church is also a real melting pot, as ours is.

Your last line seems so on-target. If you do couples counselling, you're not going to see the happy marriages, the ones that have gone on for 25 years. It's clear that if you do enough counselling you can get awfully sore-hearted and burned out. I'm glad you're getting a chance to rest from those wars.