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With the former vice president out of the race, at least none of the participants is going to be gored. But there is still the danger that late in the year the wandering dwarfs may yet be trampled by the late entry of Hillary "Cattle Futures" Clinton. From the seat of her pants to the crowning hair on her head, she is no dwarf. In every poll of every sample of Democrats in every state that has polled, she would win every election against every other Democratic candidate. In short, the Democratic nomination is hers for the asking. But, like all monarchs, Queen Hillary will not condescend to ask. The great prize must be offered to her by a band of supplicating Democratic grandees — top hats in hand.
Currently, she is on her European tour, offering the hem of her garment to the elites of that benighted continent. Once the Europeans start cooing on her behalf, can Newsweek and Time Magazine cover stories be far behind? She will permit herself to be compared very favorably to President Bush. It's a clever strategy. The smaller the dwarfs shrink, the larger she puffs herself up. And the dwarfs are shrinking. After months of campaigning by the miniature candidates, the leading pundits are increasingly pointing out that there is no front runner — just a first tier on their trail of tears. Usually a leader emerges from the pack, followed by a late and usually hopeless effort by an insurgent candidate. But this time the insurgent candidate — Dr. Dean — has emerged, out-raised and -matched in polling the rest of the pack before a front-runner emerged from it.
This has occurred for two reasons. First, none of the KerryGerphardEdwardsLieberman candidates can get their heads out of Washington. They are playing to the wrong audience. They seek the approval of their peers, rather than the electorate. Only Dr. Dean shows the true contempt for Washington that is so appealing on the campaign trail. (The remaining nano-dwarfs — GrahamSharptonBraunKucinich — are mere freak show attractions.) Second, they have gone on "Meet the Press," where Tim Russert has done to most of them what the Spanish bulls try to do to the drunken men of Pamplona. Meanwhile, Sen. Kerry has spent several months now losing a urinating contest with what was one of the smaller dwarfs, the ever-present Dr. Dean. Thus, they have lost even the esteem of their Washington peers.
Whether any of the dwarfs may grow into an electable size remains to be seen. But in any version of this dwarf story, Queen Hillary may get the nomination, but she will never be Snow White — no matter what her mirror, mirror on the wall may say.