True Conservative - You own stock in BriteSmile, wear ugly Mr. Rogers sweaters, believe in a one-issue platform, scream incessantly at your guests, raise money every campaign season and keep soliciting after the primary is a done deal and failed at trying an innovative style of show on a long established liberal network. You hire people of questionable reputation and keep them forever, regardless of their glaring and publicly noticed character lapses. Your closest friends are named friend named Richard and Connie. Your historical role model is Alan Keyes.