Sex in nursing homes

The Kentucky Post ^ | 12 July 2003 | Post staff report

[El Gato]

A little hard work for the ol' ticker may just take it's toll.

Actually a little exercise is good for the ol' ticker. So is the reduction in tension.

[wingnuts'nbolts]

I sincerely hope you do have a ton of grandkids to keep you busy, but there certainly is nothing abnormal about someone in a nursing facility or assisted living being interested in sex, or wanting to have sex with someone they met that makes them feel that way! Do you think as you age that your core being ages also, 'cause if you do you are in for an RFA. You may be old and infirm in body, but your innerself is still 20 or 30, doesn't matter how old you are.

Most of these people have lost their life's partners and are lonely for the hugs and touching that makes a body whole. They're not dead, they are not looking forward to being dead. They are old and lonely. They should be allowed to have privacy and relationships. They are not going to marry and raise a family, safe sex is redundant and this whole topic should not shock anyone.

[El Gato]

CONDOMS!!!!the staff figured she was goona get pregnant and they would be stuck caring for the baby of a 68 year old woman

They didn't make it clear if this particular couple was married or not. If they were, a condom, for prevention of disease not pregancy, would seem kind of silly, they'd probably been doing it for many decades. OTOH, if they weren't married, and one was recently admitted, then well maybe the idea is a little less stupid...but not much. In the absense of Viagra, I'm sure having to struggle with the condom ... well never mind.

[Conservababe]

Perhaps I am off-the wall, but I believe that if sex - yes, even unmarried sex - gives comfort to the mentally and physically able confinees, have at it.

I also worked, as a Respiratory Therapist, as an auxillary health care worker in a nursing home.

In the "lock down" alzheimers ward, there were a man and a woman who had deleveloped a romantic relationship. The man was married and his wife lived independently in their home. The woman was a widow.

The couple would insist on eating meals together and visiting in each others rooms constantly. And yes, they acted like a courting couple in all respects ie touching and kissing.

When it became evident that this was not a passing affection with them, and that the might have sex, the charge nurse had a talk with the man's wife and told her of the situation.

She cried and then said "He doesn't even remember me or know my name. Whatever happiness he can have now, it is alright with me".

When the nurse called the family of the woman, they huffed and puffed and showed the same attitude as most of the posters on this thread. One daughter said "My mother doesn't need another man. She loved my father, only". Her response led me to believe she was liberal. You know, for me , but not for thee....sex.

I am ashamed of all Freepers on this thread who demean the elderly. But, regardless, of what we think, the residents (not patients) of nursing homes still have the right to remain in control of their lives.

[xm177e2]

No Comment. This story is sickening. Tothink that the nurses and staff would be helping the paralyzed patients have sex is a but one more example of good resources being utilized for bad purposes.

Eeeeeew! Old people having sex! Eeeeeew! They're all wrinkly! This is disgusting and evil! Old people who want to have sex should be shot!!! </sarcasm>

[EGPWS]

So much for the adage "There's No Place Like Home".

[El Gato]

They didn't make it clear if this particular couple was married or not.

My bad, they did make it clear, and they weren't. Naughty naughty...NOT!

When the widow of one of my wife's uncles took up with a widower, moving in together even though each had their own home, no one in the extended family, either of them as far as I could tell, was scandalized, and most seemed quite happy for them. He has since passed on, she is still driving herself around town, and volunteering at the Veterans home. (Her husband was a veteran) Her sister in law, who's even older, is also driving herself around town and was named the volunteer of the quarter on the local cable channel. She does the Vets home, the VFW and Legion Bingo, amoung other things. No boyfriend though, and she was widowed before her sister in law.

[Old Professer]

For the most part, sex is a selfish act. Everybody knows this and almost nobody admits it; but in the case of a couple of old folks who need help to "get it on" it takes on the flavor of a "spectator sport."

[Conservababe]

For the most part, sex is a selfish act. Everybody knows this and almost nobody admits it; but in the case of a couple of old folks who need help to "get it on" it takes on the flavor of a "spectator sport."

I believe the article said that the husband needed help getting into his wife's bed. I don't believe that anyone was invited to watch them have sex.

[Blue Screen of Death]

I am ashamed of all Freepers on this thread who demean the elderly.

I agree. If, for some, physical appearence is so important during sex, they need to know they are not making love they are fu*king.

[avenir]

Having just spent the day with my Grandmother at her assited living home, this topic strikes me as particularly surreal. Didn't look like there was much action—real OR potential—going on there!

[Old Professer]

I believe the article said that the husband needed help getting into his wife's bed. I don't believe that anyone was invited to watch them have sex.

The writer drew some marvelous pictures here, weren't you watching?

[xsmommy]

it doesn't shock me, but it does take me by surprise, i guess because i never thought of it before. everything you said makes sense. i feel bad for them and think that they should be accomodated, the poor old guy just wants to be with his wife. the fact that he still wants to be with her despite her being partially paralyzed , i find very touching.

[Conservababe]

The writer drew some marvelous pictures here, weren't you watching?

No, I did not. I think you are the voyeur.

[Focault's Pendulum]

No Comment. This story is sickening. Tothink that the nurses and staff would be helping the paralyzed patients have sex is a but one more example of good resources being utilized for bad purposes.

I've made some absolutely stupid remarks in my time.........but I have never made such an asshole remark as this.

[andysandmikesmom]

I worked for years in two different nursing homes...and we were always given an introductory talk about how to handle residents who we might find engaged in sex, or how to approach the subject...

All states have their own guidelines, as to what they do and dont allow in their nursing homes...here in Washington state, the residents have a very wide range of rights...for instance, residents are allowed to have a couple supervised 'alcoholic' drinks, if they want it, and if their doctor oks it, that it wont interfere with any medicine....they arent allowed to get drunk, but a couple of beers, or a couple of wine coolers, was often the regular thing with some of our residents...the drinks are bought either by the residents family, or the nursing home takes the funds out of the residents account, and buys the stuff for them....its then kept in a locked fridge, in a locked cupboard in the nurses station....

Residents are also allowed to smoke...not whenever and wherever they want, but at designated times, and in designated smoking areas, with either nurses or aides in attendance for safety sake...

And the same goes for sex...and I dont understand this article saying that nursing homes dont even discuss this...that may be the norm, at least according to this article, but in the two nursing homes I worked at, we had full lectures on this very subject...

What they said was this...competent residents of the nursing homes , have the right to have sex...often we had both partners in a marriage sharing a room, often it was just one partner, with the other partner living outside the nursing home...we were never embarrassed to discuss sex with our residents, nor their spouses, and frankly, it seems to me, that all those acting all goofy over this, need to grow up a little bit...does one really think that the sex drive disappears with age?...it does not, and with couples that have always had a healthy sex life before illness or age crept in, often still try to continue to have some sort of a sex life even into those senior years...I dont understand why anyone thinks there is something awful or nasty about it...

I will agree with a previous poster, who added the even the best of nursing homes can be abysmal at times...way too many residents are dumped there by their families, and the family rarely visits...loneliness, unhappiness, depression, and great sorrow at being left behind, are found all too often in nursing homes...

If a married couple, because of circumstances, find that one spouse needs the help of nursing home, while the other is able to remain outside the nursing home, and they want to have a sexual relationship, how grand for them, that they still do love each enough to want that intimacy...

And heres what else all workers in the nursing home were instructed about, and I suppose there are those who are going to go off the deep end on this one...they also discussed the subject of masturbation...if we go into a room, ,and the elderly resident is masturbating, we are not to reprimand them, and stop them, and treat them as if they are naughty little children...we are simply to draw their bedside curtain around them, close the door, and check back on them every 15 minutes, or so, just to make sure that they are safe....

The whole point of this is as follows...some of these seniors residents of the nursing home, may be ill, but many are not....they are simply old, unable to care for themselves, need help in their daily activities, such as washing, dressing, toileting, etc...and they need someone to cook their meals, and keep the place clean....they are not ill, to the extent that they need to be in a hospital...when they go to a nursing home, that nursing home, becomes their home, and they have many rights in that home, as they would in their own home...

As I said, each state sets its own standard of what they will or will not allow their residents to do...and not all those residents are getting financial assistance....in the last nursing home I worked in, more than 70 percent of the residents were private pay, and they were paying a good deal of money....they were not on the dole...eventually tho, most private pay residents, if they live long enough, do have to have some sort of financial assistance...But whether private pay, or on the dole, if they want to smoke, drink, have sex, or masturbate, and all within reason, supervised, and approved of by their doctor, I hardly see what is so awful, or icky or bad about that...Goodness knows, eventually all of us, if we are lucky, will become senior citizens...should it happen that we need a nursing home, hopefully we will get one, that respects the rights of the elderly...

Another way to solve the problem, is for fewer people to be putting their senior relatives into nursing homes...I have seen way too many seniors, dumped into nursing homes, and left there and forgotten...seniors who could with a little assistance, still be able to live at home...trouble is, the family does not want to take care of them...they dont want to be bothered...and that is truly the really sad story....

[Betteboop]

"There really isn't much sex talk here," he said. "The focus of residents is really elsewhere. Their focus is more on food."


The talk is usually of their last meal and their next bowel movement!!

[Conservababe]

Having just spent the day with my Grandmother at her assited living home, this topic strikes me as particularly surreal. Didn't look like there was much action—real OR potential—going on there!

Well, maybe Strom Thurmond did not answer her love letters.

I am laughing so hard at youthful naivte, really.

[cmsgop]

WE LOVE TO EAT AT 4:30PM !!!!!

WE LOVE TO EAT AT 4:30PM !!!!!

[OldEagle]

KENTUCKY!!! Must be something in the water. I lived in Lexington many years ago. They had just completed a high rise for elderly folks. From people I knew who worked and lived there it was a lively place. Really, why not?