Farmers to be taxed on livestock flatulence (New Zealand's Global Warming Wackos Alert)

Farmers will be taxed on the flatulence of their livestock in an attempt to slow New Zealand's contribution to global warming.

The levy could cost a typical family farmer up to $300 a year. Larger corporate farmers could pay up to $10,000.

Sheep will be levied at nine cents each and cows at up to 72 cents under the Government's proposals.

The money will be used for research on emission reductions needed to meet New Zealand's commitment to lower greenhouse gas emissions under the Kyoto protocol.

The new Agriculture Emissions Research body will be funded by sheep, cattle, deer and goat farmers to the tune of $8.4 million a year, which has infuriated farming organisations.

"That's overkill." Meat New Zealand chairman Jeff Grant said. "This is a public good rather than an industry good. It should be funded by the Government not farmers."

Livestock accounts for about half of New Zealand's total greenhouse gas emissions.

The emissions are caused by the complex process of digesting grass and are belched into the air.

The levy was bad news at the worst possible time for farmers suffering from a high dollar, low commodity prices and drought conditions, Grant said.

The sector was already funding its own research through the Pastoral Greenhouse Gas Research Consortium (PGGRC), he said.

Less than one year old, the PGGRC is an industry body comprised of representatives from Fonterra, AgResearch, Wrightson, DeerResearch and Meat New Zealand.

Together the participants are investing $800,000 per year on emission research. The Government has supported that group by matching its investment - taking its total funding to $1.6 million.

PGGRC chairman Mark Leslie said the levy was "a real kick in the teeth for the consortium."

The latest Government recommendations simply mirrored those that the PGGRC already had in place, he said.

"The Government is basically telling the industry consortium that 'it is too little to late' after giving us less than a year to prove ourselves," he said.

Throwing money at the issue wasn't necessarily going to speed things up, he said.

Time was needed to train skilled researchers and to understand how the digestion process worked. "This is PGGRC's strategy yet the Government has decided it knows best," he said.

Agriculture minister Jim Sutton is overseas but in a statement he argued the agriculture sector had been exempted from emission charges in the climate change policy but was expected to meet the costs of research.

Federated Farmers president Tom Lambie said the levy disadvantaged New Zealand farmers struggling to compete in the world markets.

"As far as I'm aware we're the only country in the world to impose a levy like this," he said.

The Government needed to stop passing the buck to rural New Zealand for the Kyoto commitments it made on behalf of all New Zealanders, he said.

Farmers will have until July 31 to voice their concerns although the Government has stressed consultation will be about how the levy is paid not if it will be paid.

It has decided against a levy on the pig and poultry sectors as these represent less than one per cent of agricultural emissions.

Politics/Elections Extended News Miscellaneous Keywords: HUMOR
Source: me
Published: 8/12/01 Author: me
Posted on 08/13/2001 09:29:00 PDT by ChadGore

NOTE: The following weak attempt at humor is inspired by the legislature in New Zealand who proposed introducing a tax on each head of livestock in order to come into compliance with the Kyoto Protocol.

Kyoto in a nutshell

Still dark, as the alarm goes off, a young Idaho farmer opens one eye and looks up at the clock reading 4:00 and, without even hitting the snooze button, gets up and gets dressed. In the pre-dawn dusk, the farmer walks through the house his grandfather built, the home his dad and uncle worked so hard not to sell back in the 50s, and the same one him and his family took over in the early 90s.

Making his way across the yard to pet the farm dogs, he heads out towards the barn, he sees the sun just starting to break the horizon and pauses, standing alone in the pre-dawn quiet. For just a moment, he ponders his family ties to the land for the last few decades, his commitment to his loving family, and, without hesitation, heads off to the barn while smiling at the sunrise.

Just then, he sees a dust trail coming up the long road, wondering who would be coming to see him so early in the morning. Squinting a bit, still puzzled, he starts to make out the shape of a rent-a-car looking sedan. As the car pulls up in-front of him he can see the words “Your loving federal government” printed on the side of the door.

“Gmorning guys” says the farmer, to 2 people in black sunglasses, pressed suits and that funny thing stuck into their ears.

Farmer: “Can I help you boys?”
Kyoto collector: “Sir, it’s 587 miles to Chicago, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses. We’re on a mission from greenpea.. er um I mean your loving federal government.”
Farmer: “Huh?”
Kyoto collector: “Nevermind, sir.”
Farmer: ”What seems to be the problem, boys”
Kyoto collector: “It’s your cows, sir”
Farmer: “My cows? Well, I’m don’t mean to boast, but we’ve got a pretty good heard this year, we had some feed problems earlier in the summer, but we caught it early, and it’s a good thing we did because…”
(Interrupting) Kyoto collector: “Give us your money”
Farmer: “Pardon me?”
Kyoto collector: “Your money, sir. give it to us.”
(Tilting his hat back on his head, the farmer gives the boys his best Clint Eastwood squint)
Farmer: “Now boys, I know you’re just doing your job and all, but I can assure you that the wife and I have paid all our taxes in full, and oh, wait a second, are you hear to deliver my W Check?
Kyoto collector: “It’s not about that, sir.”
Farmer: “What’s it about then?”
Kyoto collector: “Your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
(laughing) Farmer: “Now boys, you know I don’t have any control over that kinda thing. Hell, just last night the wife made this corn beef cabbage and, well, huh, huh let me tell ya, when the misty green haze comes, it just does! Besides, that kinda things only natural.”
Kyoto collector: “It’s not about you, sir.”
Farmer: “Right, right, the cows, they fart, and you want my money.”
Kyoto collector: “Exactly, sir.”
Farmer: “What are you going to do with my money?”
Kyoto collector: “Give it to Fidel, sir.”
Farmer: “FIDEL?! What da hell?”
Kyoto collector: “You wouldn’t understand, sir. Just give us your money, your caws, they fart.”
Farmer: “WELL TRY ME!”
(looking down at paperwork) Kyoto collector: “Well sir, it says here, that you gotta pay Cuba money because your cows fart. It says here, you have to buy "credits from developing countrys for permission to make greenhouse gas emissions.”
Farmer: (Looks over his shoulder for the hidden camera, convinced Allen Funt is going to tell him that he’s on candid camera)
Kyoto collector: “Sir please, give us your money, your cows, they fart.”
Farmer: “Look boys, there must be some kind of misunderstanding here, this kinda thing has been going on for decades and…”
Kyoto collector: “It’s the planet, sir.”
Farmer: “Heh, heh, Which planet are you from boys?”
Kyoto collector: “This planet, sir.”
Farmer: “What about the planet?”
Kyoto collector: “It needs saving, sir.”
Farmer: “OK! (taking a deep breath) let me make sure I got this straight, boys. Molly and Bessy over there let one rip, I give you my money, you give my money to Fidel and that saves, what exactly?”
Kyoto collector: “The planet, sir.”
Farmer: Planet Fidel???
Kyoto collector: “The planet, sir.”
Farmer: “Now boys, the wife’s family lives down in Florida, and they don't think to much of your Mr. Fidel, and I don't think they'd take to kindly to me sending this FIDEL person my money! Now I’ve been in trouble with the in-laws before, and let me tell you it’s no treat and…”
(Interrupting again) Kyoto collector: “Sir please, your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
(Clearly frustrated) Farmer: “Now boys, I’m all for doin’ the right thing here, but I just don’t understand how every time my cow farts, Fidel gets a dollar?!?
Kyoto collector: “al gore said so, sir.”
Farmer: “al gore?!?! Get the rope! Er umm sorry boys, it’s just a reaction from our nations longest month. Hehe, ya know, that funny lookin’ feller almost stole the election! (muttering) good-for-nothing-suit stuffing-blow-hard-little-pansy…he put the country through hell!
Kyoto collector: “Please sir, your cows, they fart, give us your money.”
Farmer: “Ok now look here boys, I've gotta get to work, and I don't have time to pussy foot around here. I am not, I repeat not going to give you, or anyone else, my hard earned money just because Bessy and Molly "get a little loose". My money sure as hell aint goin to that scruffy lookin' FIDEL character neither. Now I don’t care who sent ya, greenpeace this, or al gore that, but my money is MY MONEY, and you can just tell that funny lookin’ gore boy to just pound sand! You taking my money is not going to save any planet, with the possible exception of the one al gore is from, now good day! I said good day, boys.”

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