Replies

Personally, I can hardly wait to hear the next fund raiser crying and pleading...

NPR AFFILIATE HOST - MALE: "Where else are you going to hear the fine programing you've come to expect from NPR and your affiliate stations? The time is now, to pick up that phone and show your support!"

NPR AFFILIATE HOST - FEMALE: "That's right, people. When you want news, where do you turn your dial? When you want entertainment, where do you turn your dial? Some of you, though, just come here week after week and enjoy the high-quality programming we all enjoy but you still haven't stepped up to the plate to help. Pick-up the phone and start doing your part today!"

NPR AFFILIATE HOST - ETHNIC MALE: "You make a good point, [name], too many people take what we do every day for granted and never put up there fair share. I mean, we work hard day after day and we pay taxes and all the other bills all of you pay too. Still, some of you don't care enough to go above and beyond and show your support."

NPR AFFILIATE - FEMALE: "I hear ya! The funding from the Corporation for Public Broadcasting is only a small portion of our needs. We have bills too. Our buildings don't have the latest technology and we want to lead the world in having all-digital-all-the-time facilities. Our staff budget grows every year and at the same time there are those in government that want to cut our budget! Imagine that! Come on, people! Get out those wallets and give us a call! To show how much we appreciate you donation, you can get all sorts of nifty premiums..."

NRP AFFILIATE HOST - MALE: "You got that right [name]! For our lowest support catagory, the 'Silver Comrade', we'll send you a thank you and a post card showing all of us at our Colorado ski retreat last winter. For the next level, the 'Golden Comrade' you'll also get a bottle of Chardonay from the Winery of Defrocked Priests in San Francisco. For the highest level, you'll get all of the stuff the others are getting, but you'll also get a top security clearances for any kind of sensitive military information you might desire. Oh wait, that was the offer we gave out under the Clinton administration..."

NPR AFFILIATE HOST - ETHNIC MALE: "Look, let's cut to the chase. We need money. You've got money. We'll get it now, voluntarily, or we'll get it later with a pair of pliers when we get back in power. You wine-sipping liberals better get out your plastic, NOW!"

[Public Service Announcement]

[The studio microphones come back up...]

NPR AFFILIATE HOST - FEMALE: Well, [name], there certainly has been a lot of excitement here today. Oh, wait! The phones are ringing..."

[The sound of subdued chatter and the ring of a single phone is heard. An operator has picked up the phone and can be heard, indistinctly, speaking to someone…]

NPR AFFILIATE HOST - MALE: "The staff is excited today like I can't remember when, [name]! But excitement isn't enough! We need you support like never before. The talk has even been that some of our staff may face layoffs if your support dollars are enough to make up the difference between what we demand, er, ask of government funding and what we are spending. Like you, I have two new SUV's to pay for and my family just bought a vacation home in Vail. We all have obligations, but some of us are doing something about fighting for the world view we want to rule in the generations to come. Won't you please, please, please pick-up that phone and give us a call?"

NPR AFFILIATE HOST - FEMALE: "What did the caller say, [name of operator]?"

OPERATOR: "Nothing. It was a wrong number…"

[There is a long silence.]

[Music plays and a voice intones: 'Please Stand by…']