BRILLIANT!!!

COMMIE
PRACTICE
SIGN ENOUGH
LIES UNTIL
PEOPLE THINK
THEY'RE TRUE.

SAINT SHRILLERY
QUEEN BWITCH
OF ALL
PATHOLOGICAL
LIARS.

BILLIOUS
SHRILLERY
FARTING
OUT BOTH
ENDS . . .
AGAIN!

OFF WITH
THEIR HEADS
AGAIN!
TRUTH
DECAPITATED
AGAIN!

HEY SHRILLERY
HERE'S SOME
COFFEE FOR
YOUR GUARD'S
FACE

HEY SHRILLERY,
WHERE ARE YOUR
BLACK PANTHER
BEDMATES?

HEY SHRILLERY
WHAT'D YOU DO
WITH THE BILLDOS
FROM YOUR CHRISTMAS
TREE?

HEY SHRILLERY
STILL NO
HEART FOR
THE TRUTH
WE SEE.

I have a rubber mask with Hillary's face. I could dress up in a pantsuit. Any suggestions for a sign to put around my neck?

The only thing I'll dread is that the mask is tight and very warm and you can't hardly breathe or see while wearing it. It would be torture on a hot day.

How Hitlery thinks people are going to read her book....

itlery ran to her William in the pouring rain as she could not help herself. The conspirators had tried and tried to destroy their love, but their love was immortal, eternal and knew no bounds. Running out naked in the rain and dense fog and through a sunny field filled with chirping bluebirds toward her knight, she embraced her William like a iron clamp, "My love! My love!" she said as she gulped for air. Glorious music filled the air, harps and violins swelled and swelled to a bursting crescendo and they kissed, drinking in deeply the bottomless black pit of each others souls. They were as one and nothing could ever come between them again. William picked up his true love in his arms as Disney characters frolicked about them and flowers sprouted from Hitlerys golden sunshine hair. Angels appeared in the sky with harps and heavens light cast down upon them as her Prince carried her over the threshold of the mansion of the plantation, the servants from the taxpayers cheering as they passed. The rain poured harder and lighting began to strike, but golden sunshine showered down echoing the beating heart of love that Hitlery had for her Prince William. It was so long since they last met and again the music swelled as they passionately embraced each other. William manly kicked open the door of the bedroom as smoke blew out his nostrils and he threw Hitlery onto the bed that had a canopy of lace and silk. Harps and violins played as Hitlery said, "My William, William my love! Thy conspirators, have they no shame? Are they blind to our love? Their deceit shall never seperate our immortal flesh! We shall rule the universe of space and time and their nonsense of an intern will be all for naught." William suddenly grew silent and turned his head from her. Hitlery saw his sudden concern and said, "William? What is it my love?" "Hitlery, I have something to confess" he said as he sat down on the bed. "What is it William my love?" said Hitlery as she stared deeply into his eyes, her hand on his cheek. "I-I..I...I..... No I cannot tell you!" he said as he dramatically turned his head away raising the back of his hand over his face. He stood up and walked towards the window, the moonlight shining on his horns. The music was dramatic now and Hitlery could tell William was deeply concerned and she walked to him laying her hand over his and looking up into his red eyes."William, you know I love you! Our love knows no bounds! We shall live through this and our love will grow stronger and stronger evermore until the universe is ours and I am supreme ruler of both space time and dimension!" Hitlery could see the anguish growing in her Williams eyes and she said lovingly, "William, the conspirators...W-w-what they said cannot be true! Tell me William" William did not answer and hung his head low. The music grew ever more dramatic, low and intense..."William answer me!" Hitlery felt her heart beat ever harder as she began to gasp for air in her innocence..."William, I know the conspirators lied about your rape of Juanita, your affair with Gennifer, you sexual assault of Katherine, your sexual assault of the airline stewardess, your sexual assault of Paula. I know this too must also be a lie! Tell me my love..Tell me the intern is also a lie!" William said nothing but looked into Hitlerys eyes and his eyes said all she needed to know. Hitlery stepped back from William and felt her heart fall into the bottomless pit of her soulessness. She raised her hand to her chest as the back of her other hand rose across her mouth..."No! .N-N-N-NOOOOOOO NOOOO..Noooo! What are your eyes telling mine? They doth reveal unto me a truth which I cannot accept lest mine heart be savaged! " she said as she felt herself gulping for air as the tears began to well in her eyes! "Nooo" she said as she slapped him across the face and then ran from the room! William cried out to her, "My love! I was only trying to protect you and SoHo!" "Beygone from me, mine heart it doth crack, begone forever you betraying beast!" said Hitlery as she ran and ran! The music swelled dramatically...she felt her life and her heart sink away from her, destroyed for evermore as she ran down the stairs naked and out through the front door of the mansion and towards her magnificent white stallion, Whitewater. She jumped on the horse and it reared on it`s hind legs, whinnied and galloped away through the golden fields of mud as tears clouded her eyes. "No NO NO!!" she cried louder and louder as she gulped and gulped and gulped and gulped and gulped for air.."Noooo!" Her William had deceived her and her heart was smashed into oblivion! Whitewater sprinted across the meadows until Hitlery made it to the top of her favorite hillside, Hill Airy, and fell into a heap, in a wad of golden hay, and she cried and cried and cried!! "How? Why? Seems he a dove, his feathers are but borrowed say I!" All the thoughts she could not get out of her mind! The utterly unexpected betrayal of her innocence! She continued crying as heavens light shined down upon her, and she fell asleep. Finally after several hours, she awoke only to find her William standing over her. "You! I never want to see you again. Begone from me cad!" she screamed. William hung his head low, and said "OK, My love, I don`t blame you for hating me my love. But before I go, I have one word to say to you........Senator." Hitlery stood up and clamped herself around her William with her legs like Whitney Houston did with Bobby Brown. Their love was again eternal.

Stay tuned for the next episode from Hitlery Clinton, the renowed writer of romance...Tissues included with every book

HITLERYMANIA SWEEPS THE NATION

Barbara Walters had one of the highest rated programs when she interviewed former co-President and last lady Hitlery Clinton Sunday night. That Hitlery should have picked "Baba Wawa" to interview her comes as no suprise being that Barbara once did a TV special proclaiming Jane Fonda as "one of the most important woman of the 20th century" So it was only natural that Barbara who probably sees Hitlery as one of the most honest women of the 20th century should interview the first lady of lying.

After Hitlerys fabulous performance on the mock interview, what can only be best described as "Hitlerymania" swept through the country yesterday as the silverware thief and her entourage toured bookstores around the goldfish bowl of liberal New York to meet with devoted fanatics most of whom were rather masculine looking women. The devotion was so great that it reminded one of the brilliant Jim Jones following in Guyana.

When asked what their favorite Hitlery scandal is, the fans all had their favorites."I love the time she called Paul Fray a fuckin` Jew bastard" said one woman. Another said she actually had two favorite scandals "I love the time Hitlery thanked Juanita Broaddrick for all she had done for Bill right after Juanita was raped by Bill and the time she hired private detectives as part of her bimbo squad to get all of Bills former victims to sign affadavits claiming they never had an affair with Bill." The women were besides themselves with excitement when describing their favorite Hitlery scandal. "I like the time she said there would be hell to pay if her thugs didn`t fire the travel office on false charges of theft which destroyed the careers of people who been there for 30 years." said one woman. "No no no" said another as they squealed with delight. "I like the time she had Bill pardon FALN terrorists who bombed NYC and Chicago 130 times even though they never asked to be pardoned just so she could ingratiate herself to a bunch of Puerto Rican psychos and get their votes" Oh that`s nothing said one woman...How about the time she kissed Arafats wife Soha right after Soha cursed out the Jews because Hitlery was so overjoyed at the remark? That was pure genius! Or the time she was adamant on Larry King live that she had no intention of running for office, or even thought about running for office then she runs for Senator. Just like she`s saying now that she has no intention of running for the Presidency, hasn`t even thought about running for the Presidency which means she`s going to run for the Presidency! I love it! She is my favorite liar of all time! I have everyone of her greatest cons!" When asked what Hitlery has accomplished besides scandals, being last lady, or winning a Senate race that she won by doing favors for criminals, something the liberals never mention because they`re too busy crying about Al Gore not being able to get overseas military ballots disqualified in Florida while trying to get convicted felons to break the law and vote, the women stared at each other blankly.

At one stop on the tour at the Barnes and Noble bookstore in Manhattan, fanatics were lined up by the hundreds holding signs of their favorite Hitlery scandal. "Travel office Billy Dale- false charges-Jury clears him in just 2 hours" to "900 FBI files" to "Cattle futures 1000 to 100,000 bucks" and "Vince Foster" "Throw coffee in a Marines face" and "Throw a book at a secret service agent" The group Hanson was brought in to entertain the mostly female crowd before Hitlery was to appear, but they only played 2 songs as they were summarily booed by the rather butch looking crowd.

The crowd was growing restless by the time it was 2pm as Hitlery still didn`t show up for the 12 noon appearence. A few times the crowd screamed when a limo pulled up, but quickly died down when it was seen that it was just another liberal hollywood celebrity eager to meet the messiah of mental patients. But then, as 2:30 approached, trumpets could be heard in the distance. The crowd quieted down to listen and then when the 1000 limo entourage could be seen pulling up the street, all hell broke loose. The screams were absolutely deafening as the fanatics realized that their Hitlery was here. "My ears were ringing all day" one cop later recalled. "I never seen anything like it." The limos pulled up, one after the other and it seemed as if they were never ending. The blare of the gladiator-like trumpets got louder which only intensified the screams of the fanatics and a few women even fainted in which they had to be carried off to a waiting ambulance.

Then it happened. Hitlerys limo finally came to a stop in front of the bookstore and the fanatics just went absolutely nuts. Police did all they could to hold the fanatics back behind the barricades, and a few times they were almost overwhelmed. When they saw Hitlery being carried from her limo like Cleopatra on a bed by four shirtless muscle bound lesbians, the fanatics lost control and screamed with all their might, crying and reaching out for their idol. Hitlery looked down on them and scoffed a few times while a lesbian midget fed her grapes until she was brought down slowly to a podium where she could harangue the masses. The crowd was just completely out of control now, they just screamed and screamed and screamed while Hitlery stood there with her head in the air and her arms folded that reminded one of Mussolini on a balcony. Then, in a deep booming voice, Hitlery gave the command for the crowd to be SILENT. And as if by some miracle, all the fanatics just immediately shut up."I could hear a pin drop" recalled the Mayor who was on hand. "I just never seen anything like it! It actually brought tears to my eyes!" Then Hitlery gave her world famous Nazi salute and the crowd just went wild again! Screaming and crying out the name of their diety, "Hitlery! Hitlery! Hitlery!" Women were just overcome with emotion, just crying like babies, calling out to Hitlery to do one of her famous scandals to which the sick woman happily complied. "Paul Fray is a Jew bastard" Hitlery said, pounding her fist on the podium. The crowd just lost it and screamed wildly at this rare treat, to see Hitlery and in person no less, do one of her famous scandals. Then as an added bonus, she even did one more! "If my business partner Bill raped you, I thank you! Now sign this affadavit!" The women were just overcome now, screaming themselves horse.

Hitlery was then carried into the bookstore after which she changed into a urine colored suit and sat at a throne to begin signing copies of the book she didn`t write. The place was a madhouse with photographers and fans all caught in the crush to be near their brain idle idol. "She had this manic grin constantly on her face. It was pretty strange." said one of the men handling the security of the bookstore. "She just had this constant crazy wild eyed look on her, and she would look up at the ceiling and twitch her head like a bird following a fly, but there was no fly there. Someone would pass her a book and she would sign it without even looking at it. It`s obvious she`s quite mad."

After 15 minutes it was apparent that things were getting quite out of control. The rush of the fanatics was too much and the situation started getting extremely dangerous. Normal people passing by started getting crushed and that`s when it was decided to cut short the signing, much to the dismay of the fanatics. "I`ve been waiting here for three days" cried one woman. Other women were more lucky, "I touched Hitlery! I touched Hitlery!" she cried, "She was so crazy, I`ll never touch her again! Never!" The Hitlery book tour is to continue all this month and probably for the next 10 years while she ignores her job as Senator of New York like she has done since winning, culminating with a Nuremberg like rally at Madison Square garden this week.