Black XX: "Ain't Jokin'!!"

The Infamous MudCave ^ | 11 June 2003 | Mudboy Slim

[sultan88]

I never get pie.

[FBD]

1.) The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of lawyers on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

2.) How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?
She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.


3.) How does an attorney sleep?
First he lies on one side, and then he lies on the other.


4.) How many lawyer jokes are there?
Only three. The rest are true stories.


5.) How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
How many can you afford?


6.) How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.



7.) If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could save only one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

8.) What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue, of course.



9.) What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.



10.) What do you call a lawyer gone bad?

Senator.



11.) What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?

Your Honor.



12.) What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.



13.) What does a lawyer use for birth control?

His personality.



14). What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?

Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.



15.) What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.



16.) What's another difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

Removable wing tips.



17.) Why does California have the most lawyers in the country while New Jersey has the most toxic waste sites?

New Jersey got first choice.



18.) What do you get if you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton

---

True l(aw)yer story for ya all:
My father owned a nice single engine, four passenger plane a few years back, but as he got older, decided it was time to sell it. The lawyer who bought it was a crappy pilot, and a couple months later, asked my dad to fly him to the Oregon state capitol in Salem, as he had some important business to attend to. "I'll make it worth your while." he told my dad.

So, my dad flew him to Salem, in crappy weather, and hung out at the airport for the day, while MR. Z made his important business deal.

After they got back home, and the plane was hangered, Mr. Z pulled out a $20.00 bill, and said to my father, "Will this be enough?" My dad just walked off, and never spoke to him again.

Mr Z currently is currently charging $175.00 an hour.



Now, if ya'll excuse me, I've got to go see an attorney about a sail boat... :(

[jla]

Have a good time in the Ol' Dominion!!

[sultan88]

Bumping to keep Black XX alive!!

[cherry_bomb88]

Bumping to keep Black XX alive!!

You have reached the voice mail of Black XX, I'm sorry, but we are unable to come to the thread now, we are presently out enjoying the summer. Please leave a message and one of us will get back to you when the winter frost sets in.

[cherry_bomb88]

THANKS! I leave in less than 48 hours...and I'm not really happy about the new terrorist alert about flying!!! GRRRRRRR

[AdSimp]

Milton! Brings back memories... I'll have to dig out my copy before you make it into town.

[sultan88]

You know with all the negative news on FR, I can see why folks like Landru, FBD, and Slim take respites from it periodically. It is hard on a person's health. Same reason I canceled "Human Events."

[MeekOneGOP]

Awwwww ! The Runaway Texas Senate 'RATS are lonely !! Poor babies !!

FREEP! Texas Democrat Party Hiding Like Cowards In New Mexico!
(Address & Phone of their Hideout)

Photos taken from the Texas Senators of the 78th Legislature website.

The 11 Obstructors:

Gonzalo Barrientos, Austin/Rodney Ellis, Houston/Mario Gallegos Jr., Houston

Juan "Chuy" Hinojosa, McAllen/Eddie Lucio Jr., Brownsville/Frank Madla Jr., San Antonio

Eliot Shapleigh, El Paso/Leticia Van de Putte, San Antonio/Royce West, Dallas

John Whitmire, Houston/Judith Zaffirini, Laredo

---

The Lone Democrat that is staying:

Kenneth Armbrister, Victoria

[Landru]

"You know with all the negative news on FR, I can see why folks like Landru, FBD, and Slim take respites from it periodically. It is hard on a person's health. Same reason I canceled 'Human Events.'"

Yup.
Sounds like you're getting it now, Greg.

Most people would never, ever even consider drinking Drano out of a well justified fear they'd damage -- if not kill -- their body, eh?

Yet?
Those same people also appear to think nothing whatsoever of what they'll put *in* their brain, either.
People will "consume" things that're toxic, poisonous & often lethal to their soul believing there'll be no reprocussion to such reckless, careless & indiscriminate behavior(s).

Now if one's "young" and makes those *kinds* of mistakes I can understand it as it's based out of a sincere ignorance due to their lack of years.
But what of those who aren't "young" & therefore couldn't possibly have an excuse?
What is there to explain their behavior?

I'm afraid I've long ago thrown in the towl trying to understand such personalities.
There're more urgent, real matters in this life needing attention.

It makes no sense to me a'tall my friend, but, that's just the way it is.
Thank God for His Serenity Prayer is all I can say.

...still it's good to hear from you, as always.

[jla]

I leave in less than 48 hours...and I'm not really happy about the new terrorist alert about flying!!! GRRRRRRR

Well, if you see any suspicious characters hit 'em over the head with one of those frozen pies!

Finally closing on the house tomorrow morn. Anyone know a knowledgable 'n reputable nursery owner around southern Chesterfield Co.? I want to get all the tress, shrubs, plants and assorted plantlife I.D.'d.

[Happygal]

And great to see you, Dan! :-)

[AdSimp]

"Finally closing on the house tomorrow morn. Anyone know a knowledgable 'n reputable nursery owner around southern Chesterfield Co.? I want to get all the tress, shrubs, plants and assorted plantlife I.D.'d."


If you are like me, just wait a few weeks for all the plants to die, then you can i.d. the ones you buy at the nursery.

[iceskater]

Finally closing on the house tomorrow morn. Anyone know a knowledgable 'n reputable nursery owner around southern Chesterfield Co.? I want to get all the tress, shrubs, plants and assorted plantlife I.D.'d.

Congratulations! Welcome to the world of homeownership. :)
I don't know if they still do it but the Great Big Greenhouse used to do home landscaping stuff for a very minimal fee. If they still offer that service, the person who comes out to the house should be able to tell you what you already have.

[cherry_bomb88]

Well, if you see any suspicious characters hit 'em over the head with one of those frozen pies!

:oP I never said I freeze pies, just that it could be done...they never make it to that stage in my house. However, my carry on bag will be sufficiently heavy.

[sultan88]

"...still it's good to hear from you, as always...

Thank you, my wise FRiend!!

[sultan88]

"...hit 'em over the head with one of those frozen pies!"

She's bringing pies!!!??? Someone's getting pie???!!! I never get pie.

[sultan88]

"Anyone know a knowledgable 'n reputable nursery owner around southern Chesterfield Co.?"

Watkins Nursery. Watkins was (is) a conservative State Senator from Chesterfield.

[sultan88]

"...I never said I freeze pies..."

Never mind!

BTW if y'all are going to the Richmond Braves game Sunday afternoon you might run into the 88's and their friends.

[cherry_bomb88]

Well...this time tomorrow I'll be in the air on the way to your wonderful state.

Big '88 & AdSimp...I'll see you guys at the ballgame on Sunday!!! :o) Wish I had time to meet everyone...maybe next trip!