Sharing the Blame for Fatherless Kids

CNSNews.com ^ | June 11, 2003 | Linda Chavez

[Tailgunner Joe]

This Father's Day, more than one quarter of all children in the United States will live in homes without fathers. Even this statistic masks the epidemic of fatherless children in America, however, since many children in two-parent households live with stepfathers instead of their own.

Who's responsible for the burgeoning rate of fatherless families? It's been popular in recent years to blame negligent men for abandoning their children, but a recent federally funded report by Child Trends suggests that women may be more of the problem than men.

Most Americans agree that children are better off being raised in two-parent families-and with good reason. Children raised in single-mother households are more likely to do poorly in school and are twice as likely to drop out of school or become parents themselves while teenagers. Nonetheless, significantly more women than men believe that one parent can raise a child successfully, according to the Child Trends report.

Overall, 42 percent of women, but only 26 percent of men, said that one parent can bring up a child as well as two parents together. A far greater number of black women said that single parents were as good as two parents in raising children -- 64 percent. Not surprisingly, this is roughly the same percentage of the black population that is now born to single mothers.

Women also appear less likely to stay married "for the sake of the children" than men.

While attitudes toward divorce have become increasingly tolerant since the 1960s-along with skyrocketing divorce rates over the same period-fewer women than men believe "when there are children in the family, parents should stay together even if they don't get along," according to the study. Only 12 percent of women, compared with 20 percent of men, said they agreed with the statement, while nearly half of both men and women said that "Divorce is usually the best solution when a couple can't seem to work out their marriage problems."

Of course divorce doesn't always mean a loss of contact between parent and child, but, statistically, contact between non-custodial parents (85 percent of whom are fathers) and their children remains quite limited. Sixty percent of children see their non-custodial parent at least occasionally, but that leaves 40 percent who have no contact with the nonresident parent. Non-custodial parents have contact with their children only 70 days out of the year, on average, and sometimes only for a few minutes.

The situation is worse for poor and minority children. Barely more than one out of two black, nonresident fathers (51 percent) saw their children even one time during the previous year, while only 48 percent of Hispanic, non-custodial parents maintained any contact with their children, and 47 percent of non-custodial parents living in extreme poverty did so.

Father's Day should be more than an excuse to buy new barbecue grills and power tools. The holiday began when a Spokane, Wash., woman-who was raised by her father after her mother's death-set out to get national recognition for the roles fathers play in the family. Sonora Smart Dodd's campaign to honor fathers became a national phenomenon in 1924 when President Calvin Coolidge proclaimed the first Father's Day, and it became a permanent holiday in 1966 when President Lyndon Johnson declared the third Sunday in June for its celebration.

As Mrs. Dodd understood, fathers play crucial roles in their children's lives. Ideally, they teach them love, respect and discipline. A father's relationship with his daughter is often the best predictor of whether she will grow up to have a lasting, fulfilling relationship with her own spouse. A father's relationship with his son is critically important to the development of self-discipline and a healthy, respectful attitude toward women.

Like Mother's Day, however, Father's Day has become more a tribute to Madison Avenue than a true celebration of parenting these days. Instead of using the day to consume more material goods, wouldn't it be better to spend the time reflecting on the meaning of fatherhood?

[ChicagahAl]

"It's been popular in recent years to blame negligent men for abandoning their children, but a recent federally funded report by Child Trends suggests that women may be more of the problem than men."

To the Nth degree.

So let's see if there is a rush to overhaul the domestic relations courts.

Sadly, not in my lifetime. I'm sure.

[GovernmentShrinker]

I think most of the women who are confident they can bring up children on their own, at least as well as with a father, are probably quite correct. In an ideal family the father contributes a great deal, especially to keeping boys on the right track. But drunken, carousing, womanizing, in-and-out-of-jail fathers, are more trouble than they're worth, and set a horrific example for their children.

When I see that 64% of black women think the kids are just as well off with only a mother, I know they're thinking of the men/fathers in their own communities, a huge percentage of whom fit the unflattering description above. Kids who grow up in two parent homes generally do better because the kind of adults who maintain two parent homes are generally more sane and stable. Just tossing in the biological father, when he has no inclination toward helping maintain a stable home, or towards holding down a job, or towards staying off drugs, etc. will not improve the results of children's upbringing. The proof is in the results for children raised by mothers who were widowed early in the children's lives, or even before their births -- they get very nearly the same results as children who grew up with both parents, so the presence of the father isn't really essential.

[Objectivism USA]

From personal experience I know it is true. I made the mistake one time of getting involved with a woman without getting to know her very well first. He goal was to get pregnant so she would be eligible for welfare and the job training benefits. After I got to know her a little better I discovered that she had the timing of her ovulation charted on the calendar and timed events to maximize the chance of pregnancy. Once she was pregnant she had no interest in a relationship. The only saving grace from my perspective was shortly after she told me she was pregnant and what her plans were she had a miscarriage. The momentary pleasure of getting laid twice was not worth the subsequent agony of worrying what kind of a monster such a woman would raise and with the way our legal system is currently structured I would almost assuredly have been limited to occasional visitation and paying child support.

[lonestar]

I would almost assuredly have been limited to occasional visitation and paying child support.

One of the consequencs of stupid behavior.

[Reactionary]

Yes. Feminist social engineering in the inner cities has worked quite well, I think, if the goal has been to destroy families and create an entire caste of violent, predatory young men.

Nature is bigger than the egalitarian nonsense we currently embrace. Children need both parents.

[buccaneer81]

PING>>>

[chasio649]

http://www.fredoneverything.net/Divorce.shtml

[Orangedog]

I'm not going to hold my breath for industry to be overhauled. There's too much money being transfered and too much control over people's lives for any of the damage to be repaired. Case in point, just wait for the so called lovers of liberty here on FR to pounce on anyone who advocates doing away with the double standards and the "pay up and shut up" treatment that a lot of fathers are treated to after the wife gets bored and isn't feeling "fulfilled." And what over-riding reason do they have to stick it out until the kids are grown?! 85% of the time she'll get custody and a large part of her former husbands takehome pay. These simpletons are too wrapped up with revenge and being emotional to realize that the same people who make all of this happen for them are setting them up for a fall, bigtime. The second the courts and lawyers get involved, dad gets screwed and they use his own children to do it to him. The mothers GIVE the court industry that power. As soon as most of the fathers have been fleeced for all they are worth, then it will get ugly for them. What makes these women think that the system won't turn on them as soon as it becomes clear that there are not enough men to keep the industry growing? Then it will no longer be convenient for them to be permitted to raise their kids and the state will take over the job completely. THEN we'll hear all about how "unfair" the system is when they end up on the receiving end of the "for the children" courts.

[sharktrager]

I think most of the women who are confident they can bring up children on their own, at least as well as with a father, are probably quite correct. In an ideal family the father contributes a great deal, especially to keeping boys on the right track. But drunken, carousing, womanizing, in-and-out-of-jail fathers, are more trouble than they're worth, and set a horrific example for their children.

Most? Give me a break. Totally faulty logic. Most of the divorces are not because of "drunken, carousing, womanizing, in-and-out-of-jail fathers". Most are people who decide they "fell out of love". Most are "no fault", which may as well be called "no good reason".

Not to mention the wives who get divorces because they are the ones cheating, and men who leave because of problems the wife has.

The truth is that there has not been a single comprehensive study that didn't show that children in homes without fathers are more likely to have issues with drugs, alcohol, crime and suicide.

[gitmo]

Overall, 42 percent of women, but only 26 percent of men, said that one parent can bring up a child as well as two parents together.

My wife and I have decided it takes at least 3 or 4 parents to do a good job. But, the two of us will have to do the best we can.

[GovernmentShrinker]

A large percentage of single parent homes, and especially black single parent homes, are not the result of divorce -- there was never any marriage to end, because the mothers saw no point in marrying these losers and/or the fathers didn't have the slightest interest in getting married.

And dig around the 'Net for stats on children of divorced/never-married single parent homes vs. children of death-of-a-parent single parent homes. The stats are not similar.

[GovernmentShrinker]

The welfare system has certainly wreaked havoc on those communities, but growing up with a "violent, predatory young man" in the home isn't going to do the kids any good.

[GovernmentShrinker]

If I was making the laws, women would be 100% responsible for any babies they have, unless they are married to the father. Marriage implies a contract to help support the children; "getting laid" doesn't. Take away the welfare and the forced child support, and you'd see a lot of irresponsible young women suddenly figuring out how not to get pregnant.

[sharktrager]

First, you said most, not me. You then base your argument on faulty reasons for the majority of single parent homes, and observations of a single minority making up less than 15% of the population.

If we are going to discuss anythign using the word "most" it would show that "most" children are much better served in joint homes.

[mr 007]

Dear Joe,
I fully agree with you. Women as well as men need to understand that marriage is a life-time commitment and that kids need two parents. Fatherless kids almost always end up screwed up mentally and emotionally. Thank god I had a dad and a stay-at-home mom. Otherwise, I would surely have ended up in prison or a mental hospital.-mr 007

[Think free or die]

"My wife and I have decided it takes at least 3 or 4 parents to do a good job. But, the two of us will have to do the best we can."

Great description! I've often thought how much I'd hate to be raising our boys all alone. I'd lose my ever-lovin' mind!

[TheCrusader]

"but a recent federally funded report by Child Trends suggests that women may be more of the problem than men."

THANK YOU! This is something that I've known all along. As a member of a quickly growing Father's Group, I see so many good dads who are desperately trying to get visitation rights or shared custody of their children, and their ex-wives are doing everything possible to prevent this. Children are so often used as tools by manipulative women, and it's disgraceful and disgusting. All accross our nation there are GOOD men, professors, doctors, lawyers, businessmen, blue collar workers; honorable men of all stripes, who are not able to see their children even though they go to great lengths to make this happen. Women, through their family-destroying, greedy lawyers, issue bogus restraining orders against men and no proof of their accusations is needed in Court. These "abuse prevention orders" only serve to ensure that chidren remain fatherless, and that the woman in the divorce/custody situation has her way. The whole picture is disgusting, because while they try to harm their ex husbands and boyfriends, these selfish women are harming their own chidlren the most.

[TheCrusader]

"One of the consequencs of stupid behavior."

Sounds to me like you're excusing the cruel, manipulative behavior of the woman by attempting to paint this guy as "stupid". But human companionship and the sexual relation is the number one driving force of men and women in this world. There is nothing "stupid" about seeking a mate---- unless, of course, you are saying that women are dangerous and should be approached only with the utmost caution.

[TheCrusader]

"Most are people who decide they "fell out of love". Most are "no fault", which may as well be called "no good reason". Not to mention the wives who get divorces because they are the ones cheating, and men who leave because of problems the wife has. The truth is that there has not been a single comprehensive study that didn't show that children in homes without fathers are more likely to have issues with drugs, alcohol, crime and suicide."

This is the truth, but it will be met with a lot of resistence by the feminists, and by women living in guilt who need to rationalize in order to live with themselves.